6 Tips for the Best Group Ride - Opinion

Heading out on a big group ride can make for a great time, especially if everyone actually has their shit together. Unfortunately, the chances of that happening decline exponentially as the number of riders in the group increases. Depending on who shows up, when they show up, and how prepared they are (or aren't), your group could eventually end up looking more like the Donner party; a cluster of hikers wearing helmets and odd clothing who like pushing bikes around in the woods; or, in a best-case scenario, just a bunch of people who happen to all be riding in roughly the same place.

In case it isn't obvious, I don't often attend large group rides. This is mostly because I don't get invited to them anymore owing to the fact that I have the social graces of Rain Man on a mountain bike... but without the ability to do those cool counting tricks. I have, however, been on more group rides that I can remember over the last twenty-plus years, and I've learned a few tips and tricks to help them go off as smoothly as possible.


Group rides can turn into group failures if some straightforward rules aren't followed, and this is especially true if said group numbers more than two. Do your part to prevent that from happening by employing these six simple etiquette tips.

• Large group rides are the absolute best situation to show up on a bike that needs to be repaired before it can be ridden. That sounds dumb, you say? Think about it: with so many people sitting around waiting for you, one of them is bound to have the correct tool(s), knowledge, and enough desire to get moving that they'll eventually be forced to fix your bike. Now who's dumb? Not you.

• Murphy's law states that if there are more than three people on a ride, shit is going to hit the fan at some point. It's just how it is, so don't bother getting worked up about it. Besides, it’s usually considered impolite to go all 'Michael Douglas in Falling Down' on someone just because they ruined the one night of the month that you can sneak out of the house to escape from your family. Buddy double pinch-flatted and installed ''new'' tubes only to find out they're the same tubes that he double pinch-flatted on the last group ride? Remember that violence doesn't solve everything; it only solves important stuff. And a group ride isn't really all that important in the grand scheme of things.

• Bikes are fun and we're all really friendly, so a group ride is totally the best place to show up uninvited. Don't let not knowing anyone stop you from tagging along, but remember that as a guest, it's on everyone else to show you a good time. Pace too slow? Hollering from the back of the group to ''speed the f*ck up,'' will let everyone know that you're fast and everyone should go faster. Need to slow things down? A loud ''I did my intervals this morning, so this needs to be a recovery lap,'' will let everyone know that you're fast but just don't want to go faster.

• While it's fine for you to crash a group ride, the last thing your own group needs is an uninvited yahoo thinking it's okay for him to tag along when it obviously isn't. Another person would only upset the group dynamic of your, um, group, which could send everything off kilter. What if they're a lot better than you? What if their bike is nicer? No, that's the last thing you need.

• Group rides are not group races, but that certainly doesn't mean that you can't win the ride. Just look at fondos; those aren't races, either, but someone still thinks they're winning when they get to the ''finish line'' first. Use that as inspiration on your own group ride, aka mountain fondo, to destroy those who don't know that it's actually an imaginary race and that you're going to be the imaginary winner. Don't forget to zip up your jersey and raise your arms as you coast triumphantly back into the parking lot.

• Group rides also inevitably lead to group beers, which is convenient because you probably like beer. And there's only one thing better than beer: free beer courtesy of the people that you just thumped. So don't be shy about grabbing a cold one or three from the cooler, even if there aren't enough to go around. You're the guest, remember, and also the winner of the group ride. You've earned it.