Realistic ways to piss people off at work

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Realistic ways to piss people off at work
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Posted: Nov 14, 2011 at 18:17 Quote
I work with a bunch of idiot man children and I have been finding subtle ways to slowly drive them insane.

1. when someones calling out numbers, call out numbers of your own, loader and possibly in a different language. (classic)

2. When someone asks you a question, give them a big grin, and look at them like they are speaking a diff language.

3. When someone makes a statement, say "That's what you think" (you can change this up to anything like "unless the world ends tomorrow")

4. When someone is talking about something serous, say something ridiculous and turn around and or walk away.

5. Highlight insignificant info on random paperwork, people will stare at it and try to figure out what it means forever.

6. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

7. Speak extremely formal and a bit old school, also in monotone. Be very literal and catch people when their not. like when someone asks a yes or no question say "yes" or "no" and NEVER elaborate, be robotic.

8. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more at any moment.

9. Repeat everything someone says as a question.

10. If there is an employee who does not have authority over you but acts superior, every second or third day act the same way only to this person.

11. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

12. If there is one who likes to whistle and sign obnoxiously, whenever you get close to said person whistle or sing louder.

13. When having a conversation, stare down the person intensively.

14. Say “okay, you’re gay” to anything someone says.

15. When you go to work sick, cough and sneeze very obnoxiously each time someone starts to speak.

16. Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.

17. Whenever anyone says something, laugh loudly as if they have just told and extremely funny joke.

18. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

19. If someone is a at the back of a building with a forklift. Try to predict which isle this person will drive up to get to the front. Then block said isle with something. (preferably with another forklift).

20. If any one blocks your path by leaving a forklift somewhere stupid, put it elsewhere, raise it 4 feet or so, then turn it off.

21. Imply everything someone does is unsafe or a fire-hazard and should doe something about it.

22. Talk about nasty stuff while someone is eating lunch. ex: scat loving, how you did a self operation on your in-grown tow nail and substances came out.

23. Begin conversing with somebody, but only talk about things said person cannot comprehend.

24. Don't ever use the names of people. Refer to them as something degrading like, "you with the face", "guy", "ya' girl", "whats your face", "ugly", "buttercup".

25. Call someone the female version of their name. ex Scott can be Scottina. Brian can Brianna.

26. If there is a radio at work, program a french station into the radio and change it to that station every once and a while. (Works best when you have the remote).
27. While talking to someone, do nonsense hand gestures and point at stuff irrelevant to the current conversation.

Posted: Mar 29, 2014 at 11:20 Quote
Joel Stein opened up in an interview on Man School with Caleb Bacon about how he enjoys pissing people off. Check it out:

Posted: Jul 25, 2014 at 14:45 Quote
A lot of those methds are not exactly "subtle" as you put it.
If you are gonna do things like yell out umbersr to confuse them you might as well just piss in their coffee or something.
Not sure if you are totally happy with your position and salary at work but if you
want to move up the ladder at all you should just suck it up and play their game.
I feel you though.
There is this quote from an albert brooks movie called broadcast news that is relevent.
It goes sometihing like this...
Guy: Must be nice being the smartest girl in the room.
Girl: No actually its not, its terrible.

Posted: Dec 21, 2014 at 6:45 Quote
Sounds like you're the man child.

Posted: Apr 2, 2015 at 7:52 Quote
Reheat fish via microwave in the common area (breakroom), then carry it through the office to ur work area.

Posted: Jul 21, 2015 at 10:00 Quote
Drink coffee in their mug but never wash .
leave items they commonly need always just out of reach.
predict when they will need a computer, log in then lock it, then go for a really long shit you've been saving for a few days (what, I was only gone like two minutes!).
Do your printing, but empty the printer draw when you've finished (I seriously think someone is pulling this prank on me).
Keep turning their heating on on hot days without them knowing.
save all your used and empty biros, swap them for their full working ones (again, I'm convinced I'm a recipient of this.
Fix solid one coaster on thier office chair.
Is it a boss who wrotes on white boards? Wash out single lettets leaving only rude words. Especially good if you can leave most of the letters but change the meaning entirely.
Window blinds? A bit of blue tack behind the cord retaining grommet stops it from falling back. Do this every Monday but fix it to confuse them.

or do non of these and just go home earlier to ride your bike Wink

Posted: Oct 5, 2016 at 10:26 Quote
Speak another language with a few other co workers. I've experience this with Spanish speakers..super rude.

Posted: May 14, 2019 at 5:32 Quote
Where do you find the time ? I am always to busy at work to worry about petty crap like that !!!

Posted: Feb 10, 2020 at 20:32 Quote
Here are some ways that I’ve learned over the years, and that my friends have taught me, and that I Found online:

Name your dog "Dog."
Follow someone, close behind them, and spray everything they touch with windex, or wipe it with Clorox wipes.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
Light road flares on a birthday cake.
At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
Listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
Learn Morse code and have conversations with friends in public consisting of "Beeeep bip bip beeeep bip.."
Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.
E-mail Microsoft to tell them about bugs in Windows '95 that aren't actually there.

Hope these help!

Posted: Feb 25, 2020 at 4:02 Quote
Have you lost your job yet ?

Posted: Feb 25, 2020 at 8:22 Quote
Who me? No, I do These SUBTLY, so my colleges don’t notice, but the target does.

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