Unhappy Sick Bicycles Customers. BEWARE!

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Unhappy Sick Bicycles Customers. BEWARE!
Author Message
flag Tea4two
Posted: Sep 12, 2019 at 11:37 Quote
On one snake oil
flag sq225917
Posted: Sep 12, 2019 at 12:46 Quote
Dave and Brant have names picked out already.
flag shedfire
Posted: Sep 12, 2019 at 13:26 Quote
They’re our bikes now…
flag antitrust
Posted: Sep 12, 2019 at 23:09 Quote
The story of two little pigs – a modern day bike fable.

Once upon a time there was a far-away place called Bikeland.

In Bikeland there was many evil barons who over charged the normal folk far too much money for bikes and bike products and they grew richer and fatter by the day.

So, one day two little piggy’s with very little business acumen but a lot of tattoos decided they would make a bicycle company and right all the wrongs being done by the evil rulers.

The piggy’s went into the town square and shouted loudly to anyone that would listen about how they would make the best bicycles in the world and that they would change the towns folks lives by being honest and true, and not like the evil barons and chieftains.

The powerful rulers of Bikeland did not like at all, so they decided to destroy the two-little pigs.

They summoned up a powerful wizard to destroy the pigs. The Wizard put a spell on the pigs and let them believe that the wizard was their friend and would offer the pigs sound business advice and introduce them to a blacksmith who would make the piggy’s bikes.

The piggy’s clapped their little trotters with glee as now someone was taking them seriously and they would finally have a way to make their bikes, but by now the pigs had started to grow fat themselves by feasting on their own hyperbole porridge and suckling on their own half-truths.

The piggy’s placed an order with the blacksmith without any need for a deposit as the Wizard had given his word to the blacksmith that the pigs were very honest! And thus, the pigs started selling their bikes to the towns folk before they were finished or shipped.

But the wizard’s plan was to never let the piggy’s get their greedy little trotters on those bikes, so the piggy’s waited and waited and waited, and whilst the piggy’s waited and waited for the bikes to arrive the town’s folk grew angrier.

Finally, the towns folk who had paid their hard-earned gold coins, grew angrier and angrier until eventually, they formed an angry mob and blew the piggy’s house down and ate the two-fat little piggy’s all up.

Meanwhile the Wizard acted as a broker and the blacksmith sold them to a Baron for a very cheap price, who in turn sold them a second time to the towns folk and made an even greater profit than the poor stupid little pigs could ever have imagined.

The end.
flag naptime
Posted: Sep 12, 2019 at 23:31 Quote
antitrust = fake profile
flag shedfire
Posted: Sep 13, 2019 at 0:15 Quote
I’ve never had a story where I’m a wizard. I love that.
flag Flavaine
Posted: Sep 13, 2019 at 0:24 Quote
antitrust wrote:
The story of two little pigs – a modern day bike fable.

Once upon a time there was a far-away place called Bikeland.

In Bikeland there was many evil barons who over charged the normal folk far too much money for bikes and bike products and they grew richer and fatter by the day.

So, one day two little piggy’s with very little business acumen but a lot of tattoos decided they would make a bicycle company and right all the wrongs being done by the evil rulers.

The piggy’s went into the town square and shouted loudly to anyone that would listen about how they would make the best bicycles in the world and that they would change the towns folks lives by being honest and true, and not like the evil barons and chieftains.

The powerful rulers of Bikeland did not like at all, so they decided to destroy the two-little pigs.

They summoned up a powerful wizard to destroy the pigs. The Wizard put a spell on the pigs and let them believe that the wizard was their friend and would offer the pigs sound business advice and introduce them to a blacksmith who would make the piggy’s bikes.

The piggy’s clapped their little trotters with glee as now someone was taking them seriously and they would finally have a way to make their bikes, but by now the pigs had started to grow fat themselves by feasting on their own hyperbole porridge and suckling on their own half-truths.

The piggy’s placed an order with the blacksmith without any need for a deposit as the Wizard had given his word to the blacksmith that the pigs were very honest! And thus, the pigs started selling their bikes to the towns folk before they were finished or shipped.

But the wizard’s plan was to never let the piggy’s get their greedy little trotters on those bikes, so the piggy’s waited and waited and waited, and whilst the piggy’s waited and waited for the bikes to arrive the town’s folk grew angrier.

Finally, the towns folk who had paid their hard-earned gold coins, grew angrier and angrier until eventually, they formed an angry mob and blew the piggy’s house down and ate the two-fat little piggy’s all up.

Meanwhile the Wizard acted as a broker and the blacksmith sold them to a Baron for a very cheap price, who in turn sold them a second time to the towns folk and made an even greater profit than the poor stupid little pigs could ever have imagined.

The end.

And the two fat pigs went "wee wee wee wee it's not our fault" and lied some more when all they had to do was own up to their mistakes. Jog on Jordan, no one is buying your bullsh*t.
flag naptime
Posted: Sep 13, 2019 at 0:25 Quote
"The end"
Got that part right
flag gbcarmona
Posted: Sep 13, 2019 at 0:39 Quote
nojzilla wrote:
"The end"
Got that part right

Lol...brutal but funny!

And Jordan...write not right!
flag justanotherusername
Posted: Sep 13, 2019 at 0:56 Quote
Weird. If that’s Jordan or one of his alternate personalities / disciples it seems he still believes they are somehow the victims in this situation and some tin foil hat conspiracy industry cabal was always out to get them because they were sooooo good and disruptive and their company was brought down by their craftiness and because paying customers actually want a frame or a refund.

I genuinely feel sorry for anyone who crosses path with this lot and the poor sods who have to deal with this kind of shit on a daily basis in real life with them - lies, conspiracies and constant ‘underdog’ storytelling, what a depressing / deluded bunch.
flag tomhoward379
Posted: Sep 13, 2019 at 1:02 Quote
Flavaine wrote:
Jog on Jordan, no one is buying your bullsh*t.

Is that why he’s moved on to vegan ‘cheese’?

Why is only one blacksmith mentioned in the fable? Aren’t there half a dozen that the little piggies mugged off? Is that the fault of the wizard too?
flag v7fmp
Posted: Sep 13, 2019 at 1:50 Quote
and why no mention of the Marino blacksmith that the piggys also mugged off.

Sounds like the piggies got too in too deep and paid the price. But at least they can enjoy their e-wing cranks in piggy heaven.
flag shedfire
Posted: Sep 13, 2019 at 2:13 Quote
Ps: £285 for the 29er. £275 for the 650b.
Should have them live today I hope but we have a lot of lights to sell and get live today.
flag Bigblob123
Posted: Sep 13, 2019 at 2:20 Quote
£275 is a really tempting price. shame thats what Im spending getting my car fixed today Cry
flag justanotherusername
Posted: Sep 13, 2019 at 2:21 Quote
shedfire wrote:
Ps: £285 for the 29er. £275 for the 650b.
Should have them live today I hope but we have a lot of lights to sell and get live today.

Keen pricing, out of interest Brant - did you get the impression Jordan was annoyed at you for publicly airing his dirty laundry or because he still had some bizarre concept that he could 'save' sick and somehow pay for the order and try and limp on?

 


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