Old Riders....But not "Old School"

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Old Riders....But not "Old School"
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Posted: Apr 1, 2019 at 6:58 Quote
Ugh.
Galapagos great.
Flying sucks.

Posted: Apr 1, 2019 at 7:37 Quote
The only thing that makes flying bearable is booze.... sober.... freaky shit.

Posted: Apr 1, 2019 at 8:43 Quote
... and you can’t even bring edible weed products on planes!

Posted: Apr 1, 2019 at 9:21 Quote
but you can eat them before you get on....

Posted: Apr 1, 2019 at 9:44 Quote
Most people never go 200 miles outside the place they were born , lucky man , grin and bear it , good for you

Posted: Apr 1, 2019 at 10:04 Quote
sterlingmagnum wrote:
The only thing that makes flying bearable is booze.... sober.... freaky shit.

maybe for the drinker, but it makes it worse for everyone else trying to just get thru it.

know what makes it even worse? f*cking born again c*nts trappin your ass.

storytime;
we fly out of ecuador at midnight. didnt sleep a wink on the plane. got into miami at 6 am ish. had to wait in the departure gait until 8;30 for west jet to open up. my wife is pissed waiting in the departure line for the joint to open because the f*ckers put a sign saying west opens at 7;50, and she doesnt want to lose her place in line because a buncha other dumb canucks lined up behind her. (f*ck you westjet ya fake sign making wankers).
so im sitting on a bench. all out bags in front of me, daughter asleep beside me, son asleep on my lap. some frumpy chubby gramma plops down aside, and seems super nice. starts rattlin off about her trip, leveraging my civility so she can just drone on about her trip that i dont care about. volunteer work this, feeding africans that, bla bla. i don't see the path shes on because i'm exhausted and indifferent, but then she starts going on about visiting kentucky to tour the ark.

the f*ck? aw f*ck.

so shes talking about a 180 million dollar wooden boat some shyster built so breakdancing jesus can fill with his favourite pets or whatever, and i start laughing and say thats a lotta money for an imaginary cruise tour.
she doesnt like that, or my snickering make believe comment.

theres a billboard in front of us warning floridiots(nice. trademark that shit) about mosquitoes and the zika virus, and she says that the one animal she doesnt know why god made was the mosquito, and how during her save the negro babies vacation in africa she had to worry about malaria and mosquitoes. and she turns to me and actually says, "those mosquitoes kill so many people in africa. can you think of anything responsible for killing so many people?"
and i look at her dead in the eye and say, " yeah i do! its called christianity!"
dying.

i'm laughing so hard both kids wake up. my son almost falls off my lap. (i'm f*ckin laughing right now still.)
my wife is watching from afar now and wondering what the shit, but the westjet f*cktards finally show up, so its time to break camp. her husband is waving at her to get in line with him, so she gets up and says, "well, if you want to continue to the conversation later since we are on the same plane, i'd really like to help put jesus in your heart- "or some shit.
"i'm still laughin, and say that i don't want to ruin her fairy tales by teaching her about reality", now my kids are wondering what fairy tales i'm talking about, but shes on the move, waddling over to what i figure has to be the unluckiest man on the planet.

done.
not done.
westjet shows some love and puts us in first class the rest of the way home. so we get on the plane first, and the seats are nice and we dump our carry ons in front of us. sure enough, the stewardess comes up and says that an edmonton flyer needs to rush to make a connecting flight and are we using our overhead compartment- if not she'd like to put bag in the front of the plane. and sure enough, it's frumpy franny standing behind her. now, i had enough time to share this whole story with my wife, and shes in comedy shock realizing that its the born again lady wanting to use our overhead. so i jump up, explain that we need the overhead for our carry on bags so no dice, and then i hear born again granny muttering about her flight connections.
"if jesus wanted you to make the flight, he woulda put you in first class"

i've never heard my wife laugh so hard in our entire marriage. and shes seen my dick flaccid.
the end.

best trip in my life, but flying still sucks.

Posted: Apr 1, 2019 at 10:27 Quote
obee1 wrote:
...
so shes talking about a 180 million dollar wooden boat some shyster built so breakdancing jesus can fill with his favourite pets or whatever
...

"if jesus wanted you to make the flight, he woulda put you in first class"

Wahahahaha! You win!

Posted: Apr 1, 2019 at 10:40 Quote
Ha! OB once coming back from europe my buddies and I were so wasted the plane erupted into applause upon landing... not dueto a soft return, but so they would be rid of the 5 a*sholes who ruined their entire flight... we were wisked into security and surpassed every long line at customs lol worked out well

Posted: Apr 1, 2019 at 10:44 Quote
chickendog wrote:
Most people never go 200 miles outside the place they were born , lucky man , grin and bear it , good for you

lmao. i know i just left the tropics, but i didnt expect the low hanging fruit to follow me home.

lucky man- luck is opportunity meets preparation. living in a first world country affords everyone the experience once in a while.
for example, if someone here could show me how to make a gofundme page, we could all put some money together to buy you a better pair of flip flops. so the next time you leave your moms basement you might be able to hit the 210 mile mark.

i kid i kid. but seriously, parachuting into this forum and after you leave three or four comments you decide to assume the platform of social authority and tell me what to grin, bear and realize whats good for me?

well, i'm grinning now.

Posted: Apr 1, 2019 at 11:13 Quote
obee1 wrote:
Ugh.
Galapagos great.
Flying sucks.

It obey's my social authority!!!



Posted: Apr 1, 2019 at 11:26 Quote
Damn. California magazine capacity law was struck down on Friday, and now everyone is out of standard capacity magazines. Need to shop in Nevada. Before they manage to ban it again.

Posted: Apr 1, 2019 at 14:49 Quote
Axxe wrote:
Damn. California magazine capacity law was struck down on Friday, and now everyone is out of standard capacity magazines. Need to shop in Nevada. Before they manage to ban it again.

You no get with every Happy Meal?
"Would you like a Boy, Girl or Unidentified Toy with that order Sir?"
"Just what-evs"
"Standard or Extra capacity mag Sir?"
"Standard"
"Would you like to biggie size your ammo today Sir?"

Posted: Apr 1, 2019 at 14:52 Quote
Have heard exactly 12 seconds of this....I'm gonna go ahead and bet this does not suck. Lets see....


Posted: Apr 1, 2019 at 15:41 Quote
Axxe wrote:
Damn. California magazine capacity law was struck down on Friday, and now everyone is out of standard capacity magazines. Need to shop in Nevada. Before they manage to ban it again.
So many backyard shtf stashes being dug up this weekend lol


Christianity never killed anybody obee... no more so than anything else. People are shit, we like to kill. We'll kill over perceived slights, resources, the opposite sex, imaginary threats, imaginary friends... we're good at killing, it's in our DNA... we just find the reasons we're looking for to excuse our killing in religion and a bunch of other dumb shit but 8 guarantee you, if religion ws never invented there wouldn't have ever been less killing... just killing in another name.

"There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter."

Posted: Apr 1, 2019 at 16:32 Quote
wrote:
Christianity never killed anybody obee... no more so than anything else.
Christianity, it's leaders have compelled its followers to kill people since its incarnation. It's one of the reasons that religion in general was created.
I don't know what you mean specifically when you say anything else.

People are shit, we like to kill.
People are animals, and for animals to progress to the top of the food chain, violence and the potential for violence has proven to be a necessary reality.

We'll kill over perceived slights, resources, the opposite sex, imaginary threats, imaginary friends... we're good at killing, it's in our DNA...
I'll piggyback that sentiment by identifying one of the most crucial attributes of our species. No other animal can kill from a distance. It's a vital skill set that helped evolve our species.

we just find the reasons we're looking for to excuse our killing in religion and a bunch of other dumb shit but 8 guarantee you, if religion ws never invented there wouldn't have ever been less killing... just killing in another name.
That's a tough guarantee to make. Man made spirituality has inspired it's followers to value their community, fear the "other" and sacrifice resources, property and personal safety all under the delusion of a higher purpose.


"There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter."
Wasn't that a quote from jake the snake, or Jesse Ventura? Some sorta wrestler. But yeah, I hear we taste like pork too. That's why the Semites might have outlawed pork. I suppose that's a positive check for religion.


 
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