The Unofficial Cycling Code of Conduct

Oct 29, 2014
by Mitchell Scott  

Let's face it, cycling is a fairly nerdy endeavor. Sure, many aspects of riding a bike are cool. Way cool. But there’s got to be a reason why cycling is not surfing, or skateboarding, even soccer for that matter. The culprit? Well, outside of the core demographic cycling is, for many, simply light recreational activity and/or a way to get from A to B. They buy a bike, ride it infrequently, wear their helmet backwards, pant leg tucked into one sock, seat way too low, body armor on every appendage, compression socks, you name it, people on bikes do it.

And it’s negatively impacting our sport. Whether we like it or not, we’re all of the same kin, especially to outsiders looking in, young and old alike, deciding whether or not they should start riding a bike. All it takes is a good waft of dork, and they’re out. This is especially true amongst the self-conscious but ever so influential youth. We need them, want them, and rely on them for the future viability of our sport. When one kid becomes a cyclist for life, there’s a good chance he or she will influence a solid handful of offspring, spouses, friends and proximate associates to do the same. It amounts to, at the very least, sustainability. At the very most, exponential growth. And growth, good cycling friends, is what we want. For, quite simply, it is impossible for the world to have too many people riding bikes (this is not true for unicycles).

So how about some rules. An Unofficial Cycling Code of Conduct (UCCC). A testament of sorts, to keep the supreme geekiness that so pervades our sport down to a minimum. If you are a cardinal breaker of these loosely formed rules, then I beg you to look hard and deep into yourself for change. If you see someone on the street or on the trail or walking through the village breaking these rules, please, ever so politely, slap them upside the head and tell them to get their shit together. Our sport depends on it.



Code of conduct

1.) Helmet Way Back
This is potentially the worst affront to the UCCC. Not only because it looks ridiculous, but it’s actually quite dangerous. You see kids rocking this style all of the time. Maybe it’s because they still yearn to feel the wind on their forehead, or their Walmart specials are so bad they actually are designed to sit that way. Or their parents don’t give a crap. Regardless, we all know that if there’s one spot on the noggin you don’t want to smack, it’s the frontal cortex (damage to this region turns you into an a*shole). Please people, your helmet must come down to at least mid forehead. Make the adjustments, get used to it, and don’t let it ever ride Way Back again.

2.) Extended Shammy Time
There is a time and place for wearing shorts with chamois inserts. We all get it. The taint/banus/whatevergirlscallit area is the cyclist’s Achille's Heal. It can hurt, get raw, chafed, you name it. Therein, shammy is a good idea. But it should only be worn specifically during ride times. It needs to immediately be removed after the bike is done for the day. The ever present “pre-wear” is equally offensive. You don’t put your hockey gear on two hours before the game. No, please, shammy on, shammy off. This offense is most heinous when conducted without baggy shorts. Which leads us to rule #3.

Code of conduct

3.) Mega Mismatched Kit
You wouldn’t go out into public wearing a barrage of clashing colors and patterns, would you? A yellow, red and blue striped jersey with pink shorts, white socks and neon gloves? No, most respectable people keep their shit tight. Stuff matches. Why then, do some people, the second they throw a leg over a bike, think they can wear nuclear cat barf and assume it’s no big deal? Spend the time, even a little money, to get a kit that doesn’t make the rest of us go into seizures. Thanks.

Fun PB images for code of conduct

4.) Put Your F*ckin Seat Up!
This one makes my knees hurt just watching it. Yes, BMX and dirt jump riders are exempt from this affront. But for those with an adjustable seat post you still see it all the time, on the trail, in the streets, people with their seat way too low. When riding a bicycle along flat or slightly uphill terrain, you want nearly full extension of your leg so you don’t completely tear apart the sensitive apparatus that is your knee. When non-cyclists see cyclists engaged in this type of nonsensical behavior, they think to themselves, “Damn straight cycling looks like it freakin' kills.”

5). Guys, Wear Baggy Shorts Please
Sure, if you’re a pro XC rider, or you’re logging mega road miles on your $5,000 plastic bike, you are allowed not to wear baggy shorts. But if you’re aren't, why wouldn’t you throw a pair of baggy shorts over top the diaper? There’s some great styles out there, they look cool. You can even get tight ones! They also keep mud, bugs and rain out of that ever-so-thin interface. Not to mention, the world doesn't have to see the shape of your dong. After the ride is over you can duck behind a bush and remove said shammy, leaving you cool, relatively clean and less prone to the classic Extended Shammy Time crotchal clutch and grab. Which, not surprisingly, the girls find disgusting.

Code of conduct

6.) Extended Full Face on Top of Head Time
The full face pulled on the upper region of the head serves a certain function perhaps. It’s a hands free move, when one is loading the bike onto the lift, or being interviewed just after winning a World Cup downhill. But for all intents and purposes, it is a dorky look. Especially at 9 p.m., walking home from the bar with your cherry DH rig. You’re hands free, but for what? High fives? Thumbs up? Please, in one little bit of extra effort you can take the helmet off completely, let the world see your beautiful mane, resting the helmet on the handlebar, or even more efficiently, attached to the backpack.

7.) Backwards Mega Dork Helmet
We all know this is one of the worst, a pitiful extension of Rule #1. It absolutely must be rectified and corrected the instant it’s spotted. Good thing they are at least wearing a helmet so you can smack them in the head without it hurting them too bad. Feel free to whack triathletes wearing wind tunnel helmets whilst on training rides, it's the same freaking thing.

Code of conduct

8.) Excessive Suspension Humping
Yes, it’s very cool some of us have bikes that go squish. And it’s a neat feeling getting on the bike and pushing up and down, ensuring the rebound and compression settings are just right. But this can be done in private, or quite quickly. One doesn’t need to be squishing and squashing all of the time. In front of pedestrians, it looks weird. Like an extended dry hump into air. And no one likes dry humping. Well, maybe teenagers.

9.) Giant Sideburns (Unless You’re Geoff Kabush)
I don’t know where this one came from. But massive chops and shaved legs go together like a 29 inch wheel on the front and a 24 on the back. It can’t fly, makes us all look like dweebs, especially when it’s on the cover of a glossy, multicolored, flash riddled, super posed magazine cover. I’ve seen people dry heave at airports cruising through the bike mag section. Seriously. So, unless you’re one of the fastest mountain bikers in the history of all things, please do not do this.

Code of conduct

10.) Compression Socks and Shorts
This one is frightening in its sudden growth. At one time you’d think it would be impossible, but now even pro photographers (hint: named after a sandwich) and seemingly regular cycling folk rock this visual atrocity. And it’s awful. No one cares about your circulation, or your want to stave off varicose veins. There’s plenty of time to wear compression socks, like at home, or while you sleep, and if you must wear them during the day, wear pants for crissakes. This god-awful trend is exacerbated to the extreme when said compression socks are worn with Spandex. Throw in a pinched in bum and a spare tire and you want to burn your bike altogether.

Fun PB images for code of conduct

11.) Shitty Kids Bikes
This might be one of the most upsetting trends in all of cycling. Large department stores should not be allowed to sell kids bikes. Parents think they’re getting the deal of a lifetime, they can’t believe you can buy a dual suspension mountain bike for less than 100 bucks. Little do they know, their efforts to save money come at the direct expense of their child’s safety. These bikes are death traps, with brakes that don’t work, steel softer than camel leather and suspension technology borrowed from a pogo stick. This might be the number one negative factor contributing to the growth of cycling in North America.

Fun PB images for code of conduct

12.) Body Armor Sans Shirt
Who knows where this one came from, most likely it’s middle aged dudes who decide to wear padding for the first time ever and don’t have a shirt to fit over their new found exoskeleton. Or worse, they think the look is badass. Truth be told, it’s worth stretching a T-shirt over the deal just so the rest of us don’t see the back hair and the bizarro Halo meets Road Warrior weirdness that is that look. Either man up and don’t wear armor, (flesh wounds are cool), or get a jersey.


Story: Mitchell Scott
Photos: Bryce Piwek





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374 Comments

  • 133 15
 Who gives a damn. I wear and do what i want out on the trail. im not following some 'guide'.
  • 27 1
 agreed^ apart from putting your helmet on properly, none of these points will help you have fun or become a better rider... I doubt there are many people out there who care what It looks like tbh
  • 38 23
 Another one victim to the lack of a sense of humor. Please check your radar
  • 48 9
 I understand the 'joke' but it aint very funny, no offense though
  • 8 3
 What is funny is that a majority of people on here actually think like this, look at the comments section of almost anything reviewed on here and you can see how many people care about fashion and how ugly some of the latest bikes are.
  • 5 0
 Agreed man I live my day to day life with people telling me what to do who does this clownshoe think he is telling me I have to follow the trends of todays biking world I ride for myself ill wear whats comfortable regardless of color when I was younger my brother would give me his hand me down jerseys and I didnt give two shits what they looked like. Once my feet hit the pedals im on my own time and no one will tell me what I should look like. I do agree with some of the safety aspects of this though
  • 4 0
 People will always have their opinions about how they think products look and what they would buy based on that. But most of them won't care about what other people buy and use. It is more ridiculous to have written out 'guidelines' about what products people should/shouldn't use. Even if it is a joke.
  • 5 1
 I don't think this was meant to be taken too seriously. I think we all violate at least 2 of these rules, and that's okay, because everybody has their own style! I at least got quite the kick out of this article though...
  • 6 2
 I guess whoever wrote this will think twice before telling mountain bikers what they can and cant do... did i seriously just read a kit fashion argument on the homepage....? The only thing u can do wrong in my opinion is wear your full face visor in the lowest setting
  • 3 3
 Yeah man, I'll ride with jeans and a flannel because they are so functional on the trail.... oh wait, nevermind I have a brain.
  • 6 6
 A bloke coming in new fresh and flashy kit every year never gets more of my attention than this that maybe he raises my eyebrow for a second but what really gets on my nerves is some little fecker who comes in a hockey shirt and needs to tell everyone how little he paid for it in a supermarket and it does the job as well as TLD for 10 times more. I hate those a-holes, they are also the first ones to tell you that they just bought a 2001 Shiver on ebay for 30$ and DVO Emerald is for losers with too fat wallets.
  • 1 0
 winners sometimes has mtb stuff. i picked up a fox shit for $5 not long ago.. also basketball shorts are really comfortable to ride in. no chaffing.
  • 4 0
 ^^Well WAKI, if he's having as much fun as you are, that little fecker is right. I think that's the point. I had a pretty good time during my first year of mtb, rocking a hockey jersey and 3rd hand gear.
  • 2 1
 I don't criticize anyone for riding in hockey jersey, it was an example, it can be running jersey I don't like someone bragging about it at the same time trying to make people who buy bike wear feel stupid that they didn't do as he did, especially that he bought one to have something similar to DH jersey so deep inside he wanted to be like them Big Grin recently I lost my old Scott goggles for 10$, they were not pretty but in practical terms they were better than my current Oakleys for more than double, offering wider field of view and better antifog.
  • 94 10
 #13 excessive parking lot braggin about your skills when you're 100lbs over weight, have a $5000 bike which you just took down off of your Thule roof rack on your land rover and your "glory" days were when john tomac was relevant.
  • 4 2
 LOL ! Excellent !
  • 6 2
 I agree with this statement, I see a lot of it lol
  • 94 3
 There's also the excessive parking lot bragging from 15 year olds with 10 grand bike + 1 grand kit which their mom bought.
Which seems to be a lot of the population on this website...
  • 4 1
 I would agree with that statement as well haha
  • 35 1
 If I want to buy a 5g bike and be a bit overweight from good living I will Wink
  • 15 1
 @preach I'm sure Tomac could still do some damage if he wanted to..Also being he's the trainer/mentor for his son as well as Gwin I would say he is still very relevant..
  • 2 8
flag Reichertshausner (Oct 29, 2014 at 14:19) (Below Threshold)
 Well, i know nobody who doesn't buy his bike or kit himself. Maybe a jersey/pant combo for birthday. (I am 15)
  • 7 1
 John Tomac is rad :/
  • 12 0
 No need to pick on us old fat guys, we like to rip shit up as much as you.... Yeah we might have better jobs now but not all of us brag about our skills or drive fancy cars.... Hell we are just happy to get away from the wife for a day at the park!
  • 7 0
 hahaha look anyone who rides mountain bikes is awesome, lets leave it at that
  • 1 0
 Who fvcking cares - we all end up past our glory days - he is still riding - you know a lifer.
  • 3 0
 Yo Preach, Tomac isn't relevant any more? Dang.
  • 1 1
 Ok Tinker Juarez... Better? ;-)
  • 1 1
 Tomac > pretty much everyone else

www.youtube.com/watch?v=s99qM_tNo7U
  • 4 0
 Juarez is the same vintage... and still crushing 24 hour races :/
  • 1 0
 Is Scott dommit still on the scene?
  • 40 2
 Hahahaaa who is judging you? The trees? I go ride most of the time to get away from people. Also #6 is bullshit, i dont push my full face helmet up cuz its cool, i do it cuz its conveniant.
  • 31 2
 Soooo... I'd understand for the non-native speakers here, but seriously, all these people with Canadian and American flags next to their names asking if this is satire?


The joke ain't funny if you have to explain it.
  • 5 6
 They are idiots, don't worry about the ones that don't get it.
  • 7 4
 Effin right! I laughed my nuts off reading this article. Especially the part about the dong outline in spandex. Just look at some of the euro roadie pics, why do they not tuck? ;-) And no, I don't sit there and stare, it's like a car crash. You try not to look, but then your eyes are inexplicable drawn to tragedy... Shudder

And the taint for girls is called the Cuzif....
  • 25 0
 I actually really enjoyed this article. As a comedy aspect. Sorry but i will put my full face on my forehead, and i will wear as many bright colours as possible. Cos i'm having fun riding my bike!
  • 53 30
 i dont agree with some of these, sounds like somebody had too much time on their hands and decided to nitpick the habits of real world people. if you dont like my yellow jersey, white pants, and pink bike then look the other way, i really dont care!
  • 71 24
 Or maybe it's that someone has a sense of humor you're not quite picking up on....
  • 2 3
 Would not be a storey with only two paragraphs.
  • 37 14
 this article has a really douchy demeanor....it's a good way to make 50% of cyclists (beginners especially) feel completely isolated and embarrassed
  • 32 7
 These articles always come off as pretentious, no matter how much the guy tries to make it a joke. Editorial Do's & Dont's: Don't write a Do's & Dont's or "things that bug me about other people" article, because you will always come off as being a tool.
  • 15 3
 So glad I don't have to put up with people as pretentious as this article. We don't care if someone wears bike clothes before or after a ride. We don't care if someone transports their full face on their head instead of carrying it. Etc.
  • 10 4
 I could care less how someone LOOKS on the trail. All that matters is if you can ride or not. The issue that needs to be addressed is the ignorance that people constantly display while out on the hill... "look at his bike. look at his gear. what a Joey" Grow a pair of testicles and just ride!! I'm putting together a video now that displays such ignorance. Recently took a bike trip to CA and my god, the people there either lack common sense, or they simply believe that they own the world. For Christ sakes, quit stopping ON the trail IN a blind turn... Quit rolling that 30 foot table, causing the guy behind to lock up the brakes on the face of a jump... Quit stopping smack dab in the middle of a rock garden so that you can scope a better line. Go fast and just pin it you freaking squids!! And quit judging someone by how they LOOK you freaking squids!!
  • 8 4
 It's could not care less. Just sayin.
  • 5 2
 So it's not cool to call someone a Joey but a squid is ok?
  • 8 0
 The moment Mt bikers cared what they look like they become roadie douches. I will wear whatever is comfortable to me.
  • 7 0
 @slumgullion........

being funny helps with humor.
this guy isn't funny and his 'humor' is straight wack
  • 2 4
 @Clausset: Maybe you are right... I was a little worked up.

@dizastical: the last time someone corrected my sentence structure it went like this...

Myself: So you are looking to get your truck washed and waxed too?
Beeman: Two.
Beeman: And yes.

My bad for not being an English major. I smoke a lot of green. And ride bikes. You take grammar TWO serious.
  • 4 5
 "i could care less" makes NO SENSE!
  • 5 1
 @simooo: "This is one of the most original carvey, sweet lines I've seen! So sweet. He deffo should have scored more."

I guess neither of us are English majors....
  • 1 1
 But my flag gives me the right. The Queen says so.
  • 28 6
 I'm not a cyclist. I ride bikes.
My "road" bike has DMR v12's and my old mountain bike bars stems and grips.
I ride it in jeans and s hoody.
I don't commute, I'm not a cyclist.
I ride bikes.
  • 13 1
 Amen! Apparently I'm definitely a cyclist but apparently I look like a goon when I ride to a friends house down the road on my road bike in jeans, trainers and a sweatshirt. I'm also rockin' some plastic flat pedals with minimum grip on the roadie. f*cks given = 0
  • 6 8
 Isn't 'bike' short for bicycle, of which the verb is 'cycling'?
  • 26 3
 Dick is the same as penis. I have the second but I'm not the first.
  • 16 2
 T-Bot the poet.
  • 23 3
 Do i read here a girls magazin? Should my makeup fit my bike or my cloth?
  • 5 6
 Misogynist
  • 6 1
 Thats a serious question.
  • 3 1
 Match your mascara with the frame paint. Bonus points if you wear tinted googles over it.
  • 19 3
 This had to be the most pretentious BS I've read in a long time. Articles like this may reflect the inner dialogue you have when you roll up to someone who's rocking mismatched gear on the trails, but the more of this nonsense gets posted, the more people will feel self-conscious and will just flat out hang up their bikes and take on another sport. We all started with department store bikes and some of us have given and been convinced to dump a few months' salary on a new bike, but if you haven't...who cares. Get out and ride and stop with the judgement and condescending comments.
  • 10 5
 this has got to be strike three for the writer. check his last 2 or 3 articles hes posted up on this site. pretentious for sure. its not funny, its not cute, its not interesting, its not cutiing edge, its not gonzo, its not nothing..........
  • 6 5
 Typical Pinkbike/hipster attitude. It's trendy to not look trendy. This article is hilarious! Loosen up the lycra/skinny jeans.
  • 6 2
 Holy F**k.... Sorry bro's, I side with the American on this one. He is right, loosen the f**k up.
  • 1 2
 He has written an article that lots of people are interested by, he's just making a comment on cycling society so who cares? He sure got a reaction. Better than most of us who don't even write articles.
  • 5 0
 I like to ride, but I am not an ambassador for my sport. I am not trying to keep people away with my sideburns and mismatched kit, or trying to be a "typical pinkbike hipster" but I did just spend over 3k on a used bike, so excuse this college kid for just riding with what I have. Weather this article is trolling or not it is useless.... it could at least be funny.
  • 17 1
 Less Yappin and more braapin!!!
  • 2 0
 Only comment that needs to be here
  • 16 2
 Can't tell if this article is actually serious or not.. Because I really hope it is a joke.
  • 14 1
 I'm not sure either. Strange combo of both serious and "can't be serious"...
  • 17 4
 I'll be keeping my massive chops, and spent all my money on my bike so my kit won't be matching either. Sorry for turning everyone away from cycling, brah.
  • 10 0
 ....or just do what you like, enjoy your time on a bike and remain concious of allowing others to do the same without perpetuating some false "incrowd"/"outcrowd" dynamic that is more exclusive than inclusive...despite the stated intent of the article. Step One: Don't be a dick, Step Two: Ride a bike... the rest should work itself out regardless of what you are or are not wearing.
  • 14 4
 Bitchiest article I have ever read. Go back to 8th grade and stop player hating. Do what you want, that's the point of biking
  • 9 1
 I don't care about any of this except for the shitty kids bikes - now that's a crying shame that department stores are still selling junky crap bikes that weigh 45 lbs to some kid that weighs less than that.
  • 11 3
 I get the attempt at humor but unfortunately it's missed the mark. Kinda like that awkward joke at a party where you suddenly realize it came out all wrong.
  • 3 2
 Thank you.
  • 1 4
 I personally found it funny, and let's be honest no one on the internet can joke anymore (the comment section proves this)
  • 6 0
 i think i'll make a point out of breaking these just for the troll value. and yes i wear bibs and a road jersey on my xc bike because it works best. as for the moose knuckle, if you're checking it out maybe come talk to me Wink
  • 6 0
 First paragraphs almost had me in agreement but.. no. This is dumb. Mismatched kit? What the hell? This isn't brotocross. Don't turn mountain biking into a fashion magazine sport were not models were f***ing riders. You could've suggested that people keep their looks in mind a little bit more, but this is retardedly too far.
  • 5 0
 What's wring with cutting about with your full face perched on top of your head, it's the done thing in whistler so it must be cool, plus leaves you free for high fives and loading your bike on the lift, go stick your article up your ar*e
  • 7 0
 I'm not OK with people who aren't OK with free high fives.
  • 4 0
 High fives make the world go round
  • 10 5
 An observation since we have so many anti-fashionistas here: what are the chances that buying bike parts and caring about latest "inventions" are controlled by same mechanisms and same complexes in our brains that those making us care about how we dress? What is the chance that worshiping latest and greatest pieces of tech (which we all know are that way for max 3 years) are same drives that were making Carrie Bradshaw go nuts about shoes?
  • 12 0
 Here the thing: I actually like getting parts that match the colors of my bike. I like finding gear I can afford that looks good together.

But I don't really have the time of day for someone who judges others based on it.
  • 3 7
flag WAKIdesigns (Oct 29, 2014 at 13:30) (Below Threshold)
 Heh no, not so easy man, not colours - I mean if there is a possibility that "tech" has more to do with "being trendy" or than with actual "tech"? Pike is the best example to me - same tech as Fox 36 in 2010 but some people (no judgment here) are so hooked up on "progress" that they will tell you that maybe it is true, but RS made progress since 2010 and Fox didn't - well what if there is no more "progress" to make? It's not as if Avalanche or PUSHed cartridges didn't exist but as soon as Öhlins cartridge for Fox40 gets it's first revision - it will be THE end of non-electronic bicycle suspension development. Will that be so sad? But off course companies will find new trends (Upside Down?) to change that impression. Or - people are so happy that Specialized stopped owning FSR, that patent went out - hello, nr1 layout is one thing but fine tuning of pivot placement that Spec has been doing for many years now, will haunt "new comers". nr2 How about shock has more to do than suspension design (unless there is some serious fk up)? Carbon? - maybe more and more people will see that price is not the only trade off, that toughness is not as good as they told us?
  • 7 1
 I think that how our bikes and how we look is far more important to most people here than they care to admit. Admitting it would automatically make one "un-cool".
  • 3 1
 The new PIKE is the cat's meow dude. Cite another example Wink
  • 5 2
 It is a freaking awesome fork! It may be the best. It's really great, plush, serviceable and freaking light at a great price! Ticks all boxes. But... it's not like 36 RC2 is any worse while people limit the comparison to Lyric which has always been worse than 36... DeVille anybody? I just don't like the hype around it, I don't like the Fashion cloud that makes you think that it stands out by a large margin, because in reality it doesn't.
  • 2 0
 Ouch, I love my Lyrik RC2L, I won't replace it until I'm forced to by wheel size haha
  • 1 2
 I have a Lyrik as well, with MiCo DH. If one replaces that due to promise of a better damping, then he... fk him! hahaha. I just bought barely used 2010 36rc2 because I needed a second fork that is not as bad as Sektor (which is worse than Manitou Sherman from 10 years back) and I figured out that I'd get less money for 2007 Lyrik than I'd get for 2012 Sektor hahahah
  • 1 0
 Yeah as much as I love the feel of the Pike and have to admit I'd love one, I simply cannot replace a perfectly good fork.
  • 4 0
 Sure Waki, I lust after the latest tech. I don't have much of it(I still have a MoCo Damper in my Lyrik, hah!) but I want it.

but I don't really have the time of day for people who act like they're better cause their bike is lighter/more expensive/better damped than mine, or my buddies, any more than I do for fashionistas.

Look, the article was written as satire, but it mostly comes off as petty whining about things the author finds "tasteless," because he treated the thing he finds tasteless as the target of ridicule. Real satire would be to make fun of CARING about those things. For example, if he had written, after how it's not cool to wear your full face on your head, that it's not cool to stick it on your seat, then a point about how it's not cool to hang it off your bars.

Everybody can get on board with that: "there's no good place to keep my full face when I'm not wearing it, so who cares about where people choose to put it!" Satire is about meta comedy. Otherwise, you're just writing plain comedy, which doesn't work if you attack your audience.
  • 5 3
 no no no, wanting to have one is not the same as actually buying one. I want a Maserati but I don't have it. Can I afford it - if I took a loan? yea! How many douchebags buy cars they can't afford? - Plenty! And to make it honest from my side - I tested nearly every trend with my own money - can I afford it? Barely. I am a trend slut and I do find something good about acknowledging it, rather than playing a tough guy.

Aaand as a first class on-line a-hole I dare to think that taking this article too seriously is a bad sign... whoops there i did it what you wrote about...
  • 2 0
 How am I playing the tough guy? Cause "I don't have time for them"? I'm confused about how ignoring people who act superior to me is playing the tough guy.
  • 2 5
 wo wow wow wow - I do not feel superior to you anywhere, what did you read where? I did not mean you play tough guy, I've seen people who do, I don't know you.
  • 1 0
 I wasn't referring to you when commenting on people who act superior. After all, I'm not ignoring you, am I? Razz I was describing the people I do ignore.

Being a trend slut /= looking down on others who aren't. By that definition, I'm just as much a trend slut as you are(maybe more, I'd bet you ride more than I do.)

Chalk up my question about "how I was playing the tough guy" as me failing at reading.
  • 2 1
 Waki- Are you saying that the old 36 RC2 is good as the newer Pike? Haha.
  • 1 0
 As good is a vague term - I'd say that they are so close to each other that calling one better calls for bullshetigans Big Grin i cannot tell the difference. 36 feels more solid to me
  • 2 1
 Waki- We agree on most things about this article, but bike parts not so much. Not even sure how the two forks could even be compared.
  • 1 0
 You mean, how two forks can be compared or how those two forks can be compared? Pike is a great option, it has nothing to do with it rather peoples attitude towards it. If certain people were truly into performance they'd be riding 36RC2 since 4 years. Hence I call it Pike fashion. In exactly same way Fox CTD was bashed - why? It was nowhere worse than freaking Motion Control, which is a load of crap, who cares that it has like 20 clicks, if they go from no damping to spiking damping with worst of both worlds in between, which may be ok for a fork up to 120mm. Hello what do people think RCT3 found in current Revelation is, if not 3 position, pogo stick system? What I ultimately mean is that Rockshox is in fashion NOW, it has nothing to do with actual performance or features. There have been and will be more of such fashions, there is nothing wrong with that, I just think it would be good if people acknowledged that instead of waving flags like logic, facts or scientific terms
  • 2 1
 I agree the point but the Pike is a bad example. It undeniably set the bar when it came out. It's not just a great fork it's an outstanding fork, and came out at a time when Fox forks quality and performance was slipping. The newly released Fox forks promise to be better, and so it goes....I'm not convinced people buy Pike's over FOX to be cool, most high end forks fit the bill in that department.
  • 1 0
 As I said- I don't know how the newer pike and older 36 can be compared. I'm talking performance. The old 36 was awesome for it's time. Super stiff, but a boat anchor compared to current offerings. No small bump sensitivity, a lot of feedback to the hands, and no where near the traction. Not to mention the rebound. The revelation rct3 is leaps and bounds better than the older 34, I've ridden both. The rev actually didn't dive like the 34, had much more traction, and was lighter. Motion Control does suck for the most part, but was still better than the original 34. The newest trend is the Fox 36, and makes sense for the claimed performance. Fox needs to step up their game with service though, and I know that they've improved already. Each to their own Waki.
  • 1 0
 Sure Dave, but I own a 36RC2 now and it is tiny bit plusher yet more composed than my Lyrik with Mico DH. I rode 3 Pikes lately in a qualitative way and I cannot sense anything really topping 36 but 300g of Weight. Small bump sensitivity was crap in early Talas, maybe in Floats, but since FIT it is long gone - other than that stiction is a wraith haunting parking lot testers - just ride fast enough. RCT3 is a MoCo damper with changed regulator offering 3 clicks instead of full range. Whatever Smile
  • 6 1
 Rule: 11 is right! A vast majority of kids bikes we see are not made for trips other than down the street to school. Our son is finally outgrowing his 16" and we can now get a decent capable bike. However, find a decent bike in those smaller sizes is rather hard for the non-BMX styles. I really wish more availability was out there with decent kits.
  • 9 1
 no.8 is parking lot gold. does no.12 have a sunsoutgunsout exception?
  • 1 1
 Just adjusted my rebound bro! haha
  • 5 1
 I would prefer to wear a color coordinated kit, but comfort and function outweigh fashion, at least to a point. I try to stick to black shorts and fairly simple jerseys. However a fully matching kit tends to make one look like a poser.
  • 11 6
 I love this one that doesn't beat around the bush
"Not to mention, the world doesn't have to see the shape of your dong."
Fully agreed.

This stuff is funny guys, lighten up! Lycra too tight?
  • 7 1
 haha if someone seriously cares about the types of socks that i wear when im riding or walking or living in general then, fuck you
  • 9 5
 Ahaha! Amen to #5!! I love all these comments "its not a fashion show" and "who cares what you wear" and "pretentious article"..

Everybody needs to lighten the hell up and see that this article is frickin hilarious!

AND......

QUIT PRETENDING YOU DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU WEAR WHEN YOU RIDE.. REALLY??

I CALL BULLSHIT!! LIERS!!

AAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAA I look cooler than you do! And I follow all the fashion rules... Except #8.. I'm a Humper... Damn it..
  • 4 0
 I totally agree with 1,4,7, and 11. But with regards to the rest, being a fashion nazi doesn't help at all. How about we send this message: we ride bikes, we ride how we want, we wear what we want and we don't give a shit what you think about it. And if mountain biking isn't cool enough for you, we couldn't care less if you ride with us. Mountain biking doesn't need any more haters or douches.
  • 7 1
 When did mountain biking become so serious. Go have fun in your dayglow kits, squishy suspension and half on helmets.
  • 3 0
 Though I agree with the helmet, the rest is bogus. I come from the camp of run what ya brung. To get people to join our sport I believe we need to not make fun of those less fortunate/ill equipped gapers. We were all there once. Hell, I rode an XC bike for years on dirt jumps till I could finally afford to buy a better more suited bike. However, looking good and being safe while doing it is also something to strive for, but who cares! As long as you are out there having a blast on your multi-colored, short-seated, kid-looking, non-$5000, gaper bike then more power to ya!
  • 6 0
 There's only one rule to the so called "cycling code of conduct" and its "don't be a c*nt "
  • 3 0
 Never cared about any of this.....We've been "mountain biking" (My wife and I) and ride more than I chat on the interweb....Wear what you want. couldnt give a f*ck if you are (sun's out guns out)..just don't leave shit behind.............including your attitude....gotta keep the trails open!....and no group of mountainbikers alone can afford that fight on their own...trust us......
  • 3 0
 Rule 11 is the only one with any truth to it............kids bikes need to be more available, better made and cost half as much as they do. Especially when kids grow out of them in a year. I go look at my family quiver and dam that's like 70,000.00 msrp lol. At least in insurance!
  • 3 0
 We can't all work for pinkbike and get to try all the newest sh!t FOR FREE, when we do, I'm sure we'll all jump on the matchy matchy endurbrohomo bandwagon. Until then we'll have to settle for using what WE PAID FOR or what we like.
  • 1 0
 Totally agree with this, impressionable Pb users loves to jump on the band wagon and pretend they know what's what. Luckily you never actually meet any douche bags like this on the trails, probably because they never ride.

Unless you earn way more money than you could ever need, there just seems like no reason whatsoever to own anything carbon whatsoever - its not going to make you a better rider. If you ride in the wet then 5:10's have a place but in the dry it just looks try hard, can you really not stay on the pedals without them? especially with the full Moto race gear when you're not racing, or on an mx bike, or a professional... The list goes on...
  • 3 0
 I think people need to wear what makes them happy and not worry so much what other people think or seek their approval. Yes some things may seem a little overboard but if you dont like it dont do it and move on! TO EACH HIS OWN!!
  • 3 0
 Hmm. Having trouble grasping this article... What do you mean by not wanting to see dong or excessive air humping? Am I not supposed to want that? I am definitely going to have to rethink my main priorities for getting out on the trails after reading this...
  • 3 0
 The reason I love cycling is because its a more accepting sport compared to others. As long as youre riding a bike, respecting the trail, others, and wearing the right safety equipment i couldnt care less what youre wearing. Baggies, lycra, its all the same. If youre riding xc, rock some lycra if you want because it really helps, if youre riding AM/DH ride in baggies. Sweet. Just ride
  • 3 0
 Sorry, but wearing a spadex bib with an xc jersey feels lighter and fresher in the heat than putting my baggies over the top. Deal with it. Each to their own discipline, when I downhill I wear baggies, when I ride 3hrs I wear xc gear. Tough shit how you perceive me.
  • 5 1
 I am going to purposely combine all of these things while recording every aspect of my ride with at least 7 Go-Pros attached to my body and bike.
  • 3 1
 One of the big reasons I like bikes so much is that there's loads less fashion shit than the skiing/ snowboard world where I spend my other 50% of life. Articles like this although intended to be fun don't inspire me.
Good point about the lids but it's usually only commuters, kids or newbies that're rocking the gap.
For everything else, who gives a shit as long as it works for you, even if that's being a trendy tit I guess
  • 2 0
 This comment hits home big time! When I first got into mountain biking, I couldn't believe the completely different attitude from winter sports! It seems with biking that everyone is just pumped to be riding and having a good time. When I'm snowboarding it's like half the people on the mountain feel like it's their destiny to buy a condo, a season pass, and then be a dick to anyone without these things.
  • 4 1
 Loved the article PB ! I just got my ticket for Pink Bike Fashion Week 2015 ! I hope to learn how matching your POC kit with your ENVE decals helps get a KOM. Keep up the great work !
  • 1 0
 This actually made me laugh, unlike the article
  • 5 1
 You nob heads! Does it matter wot they are wearing or riding as long as they are having fun! Doesnt help the sport with u dicks looking down ur noses
  • 2 0
 Me personally, I get a lot of weird looks and comments because of the bike I ride and where I ride it. Like you brought a knife to a gun fight or just "what are you doing here?"
Guess most people have no clue as to how capable a hardtail can be with the right rider on it.
  • 2 0
 It's not what you wear or how you wear it, it's what other people wear and how they wear it; seriously, this can affect your performance. Got passed by a chick on her XC bike out on a training ride the other day, local racer currently making good, and what she was wearing and how she was smelling made me chase her around the XC loop 5 times and I've never ridden that quick before.
  • 2 0
 So clashing colors are bad. Mmkay I am fine with that, but if i find good gear in an ugly color and the price is right I am going to look like an eighties skate boarder and there is nothing anyone could say or do to stop me. If 661 puts out bright purple knee pads and day glow elbow pads and they sell for $5 I will wear them.
Function over form.
  • 2 0
 There's a lot of practical things that should've been on that list. Like... Don't stop IN the trail, don't drop into a jump line between riders in a train or hop in before them like a snake, don't ride trails that are over your skill level, ie. backside the jumps or don't ride it, master the basics and progress, don't be a kook.
  • 2 0
 I ride in whatever I'm wearing at the moment I decide to ride. Idgaf what you wear, as long as you are having a good time. This article goes against the heart of mountain biking. Ride what you have, and don't be ashamed of it.
  • 2 0
 what crap idea this guy has on whats cool and not, look at snowboarders, no matching of pant and top and it looks cool, put baggys over lycra? what the point, if you ride lycra the sport it, it gives you the freedom and works best, dont throw a shoot over it to try and look cool, its not 2005. what no goggle and piss pot out lawed? no shades and big lid? come on this guy sounds very uncool.
  • 2 0
 This is The Ultimate First World Problem. These rules are the most important ever, so i wrote them on the wall above my bike to always remember what NOT to wear before i go out and ride. Fvck me, just cannot believe what i read. Want to wake up now and see pb without this. Or maybe it's just trolling, i wish.
  • 2 0
 Ok... When I ride dh, I wear body armor, when I ride trail, I wear body armor. I'm 30 years old with a career that funds my expensive hobby quite well. I have used and abused every square inch of my armor, so why would I stop doing what I'm doing when it keeps me out of the hospital and able to show up to work on Monday? What's funny is when I go to the dirt jump park I don't wear armor of course, because who the hell does? And that's where I nearly broke my back and lost time off work! No, I'm not a shitty rider, and I'm no pro, but please when you see me enjoying my passion on the trails don't bother asking me baseline ignorant questions like, "how can you wear all that?" So, all that aside, be a man and enjoy your war scars and broken bones you gladiators of the armor free cause!
  • 2 0
 This article sucks, could it be that most of the things you're criticizing people do for comfort? Who cares how you look on your bike unless you're representing a sponsor or something it's all about fun. If my "compression" socks or shammy makes my ride more comfortable, then I'm having more fun.
  • 2 0
 I don't have money to throw around on kits, it doesn't make me a biker. My bike does. I'd rather have a bike worth riding and wear regular shorts and shirts than spend half a grand on a couple kits. I wear compression socks, cause I go riding, if you see me on the way to the trail or home from the trail you will see my socks, I'm not going to cover them up for a silly reason, 75% of the year it's freaking hot and humid where I ride, I only ride with pants 2-3 months of the year. Other rules are more like "don't be an idiot."
  • 2 0
 I could give a fuck what you wear or how you look, get out there and ride. This ain't a fashion show. If you can outclimb me with your seat slammed down your a bad ass, if you can out dh me in your full spandex you are a bad ass.
  • 5 0
 Man up and don't wear armour ? ....it's saved many a broken back ! ....you f*ckin knob
  • 10 6
 Baggy shorts while riding cross-country at 30°C is just too uncomfortably hot if you're riding at a good pace.
  • 9 10
 Get a more ventilated helmet and keep your dong to yourself. Thanks.
  • 7 2
 That's not the head that's too warm. Smile
  • 2 3
 Just get some proper baggy shorts, they don't have to be sweaty. Bad ones are.
  • 7 1
 You'll never find a baggy shorts that is as comfortable as a bib short (and will never catch on the tip of your saddle)…
  • 3 1
 XC riders wear lycra. Get over it guys, wearing not forcing you guys to wear it.
  • 3 0
 I have never found a pair of baggies I would ride in comfortably. They always catch of the saddle nose, ride down and just suck. I wanna like them but until I find some that I can live with, the old bib lycra shorts are gonna rock it.
  • 6 1
 Nothing wrong with mega mismatched kit...THAT'S HOW I ROLL!!!
  • 2 0
 I'm with you on that!
  • 3 2
 who gives a crap what people wear or look like as long as their out there enjoying a ride on the bike and having tons of fun and have the proper gear on for what ever type of riding they are doing now enough with the nitpicking and go ride your damn bikes lol
  • 3 2
 Are you talking to me author? Haha!! Who tells me how to look? how to ride? how to set up my bike? NOT YOUUUUU!!! Sure, trail etiquette is common sense. Be free in the jungle people. We weren't born with shirts and shirtless is freedom...next i will be required to wear a shirt while surfing? EFFFF this dumb article written by a brainwashed judgemental puritanistic neophyte. Let your freak flag fly everyone!!!!!!
  • 2 1
 Understand that you are just as bad if you try hard to look a certain way.
  • 2 1
 Is the compression socks joke singling out Reuben Krabbe? I can't think of any Pro Photographer named after a sandwich. Mmmmm, I could go for a Reuben right now: the sandiwch, not the tall, lanky lensman!
And this story has the potential to be way funnier from a tongue in cheek standpoint, but the writer missed the mark a little bit.
  • 1 0
 haha so funny, I believe (Mitch check me if I'm wrong) but this links back to a Kona shoot where I got stung by a wasp on the leg prior to the shoot. Mildly alergic -at least prone to swelling- I wore ludicrous compression socks for 3 days to stay mobile. This being said, I do ride with Dissent, so simple call outs are kosher (and encouraged)
  • 7 2
 help me describe this article i need something stronger than stupid!
  • 2 1
 These comments refuting it, when in fact most of this site is full of hipsters.
  • 1 0
 I see this one type of singlespeed road bike that they sell at walmart all over town. black frame. red fork. yellow handlbars. its hideous. Point is, 75% of these bikes i've seen have the forks installed backwords! if thats not schwag idk what it. This is in reference to #10
  • 2 0
 I think people need to wear what makes them happy and not worry so much what other people are thinking and seeking their approval. Yes some things are a little overboard but if you dont like it dont do it. TO EACH HIS OWN!!
  • 1 0
 It's not what you wear or how you wear it, it's what other people wear and how they wear it; seriously, this can affect your performance. Got passed by a chick on her XC bike out on a training ride the other day, local racer currently making good, and what she was wearing and how she was smelling made me chase her around the XC loop 5 times and I've never ridden that quick before.
  • 3 1
 After reading through these comments I'm amazed at the number of ppl that don't get satire, or the ones that are afraid to laugh at themselves for being caught by one of theses "unofficial" rules! # 3 got me!
  • 1 0
 I always think it's really funny when people try to act like they don't care about how they look, yet they spend the same amount of time thinking/buying clothes as the one that does care. Hipster mentality kills me. So it's cool to try hard to look like you don't fit in, and no one else is cool unless they have a beard and skinny jeans? And everyone else is fake?

Nice work Pinkbike, I have a sense of humor and enjoyed it.
  • 2 1
 How about teaching people how to act with respect to trail etiquette, how to not be a douchebag, how to be respectful of and help trail builders for starters? these all look like grom offenses, and you know what? let them be groms!

Worst article I've seen in a long time.
  • 2 1
 Yeah these points are true and important to keeping the sport looking cool... but you should never forget that sport isn't all about the aesthetics, it's also about the friendships, moments and feelings built when you're involved in it.
  • 3 0
 Hey great idea. Let's introduce rules and judge people by their clothing. No greater contradiction to a freedom sport like mountain biking. Lame, PB
  • 1 0
 I think this article was supposed to mimic "The Rules" offered by the Velominati. Nice try, but not as funny nor as true. There are so many trends, anti-trends and looks in cycling that it's hard to know where to start in poking fun at ourselves. Whether it's jeans hanging off your ass or the latest day-glo TLD clothes, most of us intentionally or subconsciously try to communicate our riding preferences by what we wear. XC guys look a certain way and ride a narrow range of bikes and components, dirt jumpers have to look a certain way, trail riders, roadies (and then all of the subsets of roadies). We all do it - even you fiercely independent guys who will scream "I wear what's comfortable and don't give a crap about fashion..." I'll bet you dress in a very narrow range of clothes that matches the look of the guys you ride with.

What this author did though, was try to point out some common entry-level mistakes (seat too low, helmet too far back) with some other things that bug him personally, and that just confused the reader as to whether or not this was meant to be satire, a comical look at newbie mistakes or just personal venting.
  • 1 0
 yeah, the fact that no credit was given kinda bugged me.
  • 1 0
 There used to be a time when it wasn't possible to match anything on an MTB to anything else and no one gave a shit - frames, forks, anodized parts all came in one color only, and it didn't match anything else.

These days... seems like writers for MTB publications care more about if their purse (I mean totally not girly enduro fanny.. no scratch that: "hip" pack) matches their shoes than anything to do with riding. Mitchell Scott, it appears to me that you are the type of person that would rather watch sex and the city than ride. Or maybe I'm just grumpy because the lifts are shut down till May.
  • 1 0
 #1 rule IMO - save to motocross kit for the motocross track.

Especially for those who live in CA where legal trails are a thing of your dreams, proper riding attire is some low key shorts and a tshirt so you don't scare the crap out of everyone.

I was perusing youtube yesterday for hints at the location a rumored unofficial trail and what I saw was a gang of 12 year olds in full on clown suits with DH bikes riding down a hiking trail with old people diving out of the way 3 times in the same video. Thing is they weren't even fast. Same kids on the same trail wearing normal clothes and the old folks would probably think it's cute. Now I don't even need to find the trail because it will shut down before I do.
  • 1 0
 One of the dumbest things I have ever written in my live. I really hope I miss understood something here but if not this contribution is a shame for our community. I thought as a Freerider we identify ourselves with not beeing bonded to dumb things like peer pressure, no instead we live just the way we want to live. Live free/ Ride free. And the fact that this isnt mainstream sport isnt caused by whatever bullshit you were trying to tell me, it is due to the fact that our sport is new and expenisve.
  • 1 0
 Most of these comments are the reason I try to avoid trail centres and don't add photos to pinkbike. Too many judgemental characters bragging about their expensive shit when I actually just want to get out for a ride. Most of these (not all) folk with a 5k bike hitched to a thule on top of an audi estate (as some other user pointed out) are the ones you end up sat behind calling 'rider' for 5 minutes until they hit a section they can't manage - "couldn't get the dropper down in time" or some other rubbish they say to which my reply is usually "oh, I don't have one". I don't currently have a motor after hitting an oil spillage and totaling my van into the front of a 21 ton wagon, but I always keep my nearly 10 year old steel hardtail (built of mainly second hand parts) in the back with my tools, all hidden and usually something heavy to hand in case any f*cker ever tried taking it away from me - the thought of leaving a bike of any value ratcheted to a roof for any thieving git to have away just doesn't compute in my head.
  • 3 0
 Did you really just write an article proposing we watch our fashion sense in the name of growing our sport?
You are a muppet.
  • 1 0
 Rule #3 does not apply for Germany. People here are colour blind and they love neon anything, or cyan/blue for that matter. If you want to sell a big load of crap to someone, paint it neon and send it go Germany, it'll sell!
I myself am Bulgarian Smile
  • 1 0
 I have little time and less money, and all I want to do is ride. Now I need to worry about this shit? Even if it's "not to be taken seriously" people out there are obviously giving these minor offenses some thought and it bothers me. I am now bothered.
  • 1 0
 After reading this, I'm so f*cking pumped to buy myself over €400,- of (apparently) cool outfit stuff and worry endlessly about the fact that my helmet should be looking better than it is acceptably safe... f*ck if I care man. Let a man have his fun!
  • 1 0
 Got it, seat up, helmet forward. That's reasonable. To everything else in this sh*tpost, I say SHUT THE F**K UP. This is not a code of conduct, it is a list of insults directed at people with different senses of style and comfort than the author. Trash like this should not be on the front page of PB.
  • 1 0
 I pretty much wear what you see the slopestyle guys wear! Skinny jeans with pads underneath, skate shoes, a t-shirt, flannel shirt, jersey or hoody, full face helmet with goggles or a half shell depending where I'm riding. And my bike has 2 modes. DH mode and skatepark mode. DH/Freeride mode is basically a singlespeed dirt jump bike with 2 brakes, DH tyres, low DH bars and 100mm of suspension up front. And park mode is basically just a switch to street tyres, high rise bars, a rigid fork and no brakes or just a rear brake.
I have been known to check myself in a mirror before I go out for a ride though. But I always check myself in a mirror before I go out anywhere because I'm just vain haha!
  • 1 0
 My town just got its first dirt jumps and everyone and their grandma's been hitting them. It's terrifying to see families there with no pads or helmets riding xc bikes. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there with a pressure suit, knee/shin guards, and a full face helmet. I'm probably overdoing it, but I enjoy it. Plus Wisconsin is cold so it's nice to have the extra layers.
  • 1 0
 This is one of the worst articles I have ever read on here, and possibly in general. How about real etiquette issues that threaten our sport like people being disrespectful to new comers and trails? How about saying hello when passing other cyclists, or stoping and asking if someone needs help when passing a mechanical? I find the attitude of some cyclists is the worst aspect of riding, eg. bike park heros.

Im sure this was written to be funny, but it mostly just irritated me.
  • 4 3
 nothing wrong with guys wearing tight shorts, gives something to look at when you're catching your breath, nah but really it does suck having to see a dong or two, even on road cyclists and XC riders.
  • 3 1
 You have a problem with that? Why?
  • 2 1
 cool3- Are you serious? In no way, shape, or form do many men want to see another man's genitals. It's disgusting.
  • 3 3
 there on are only two fads that drive me nuts. Then again maybe this is part of getting older.
1) wearing cutoff skinny jean shorts for DH...WTF it looks completely stupid and ridiculous and actually hinders your riding ability. (fitted pants for DJ's is understood)
2) unbuttoned flannels flailing in the wind.... please let a big branch grab hold and separate both shoulders while peeling them off the bike at full speed.
  • 4 0
 Let him cast the first stone, who has not, in the past, owned JNCOs...
  • 2 1
 the ONLY way i would ever care what anyone is wearing for gear is if it STUNK.. and i would just say politely "you need to wash your gear" or at least put the hose on it and hang it to dry, please.
  • 7 3
 What a lame article. This isn't snowboarding, its not a fashion show.
  • 3 1
 I would guess that this is a weak attempt at copying the Velominati Rules for mountain biking- but I stopped reading after "Achille's Heal."
  • 6 2
 So if I wear no shirt AND no body armor its ok?! Great!
  • 7 3
 #1 and #11 are great, everything else is rantybullshit.
  • 6 2
 Uh oh, the pinkchildren are mad.
  • 5 1
 Chill, guys, this isn't even the Official guide yet. Sheesh.
  • 2 2
 Agree with #4 for every bike. Even DH (seat is all shredded because the tire hits it) and BMX (can't throw bars cuz the seat is ankle high) I ride road bikes (my fixed gear) in cutoffs with my chamois underneath and a tank top, I keep up on 30+mi rides with roadies decked out in spandex on expensive carbon bikes, so I understand WHY roadies wear what they wear and I don't make fun of it, I do however, feel uncomfortable when I'm at 711 buying smokes or whatever, and a sweaty dude in spandex rockin the moose knuckle comes up and asks how I get around with one gear. So I agree with the extended shammy/chamois time rule. Everything else is kinda offensive, not to me but to the guys who CANT afford a super dope kit and have to sit and get made fun of because they aren't "steezy"
  • 4 1
 After reading all the comments im very happy that im not the only person who thinks this article is STUPID
  • 3 0
 Perhaps judgmental douchebaggery is what's keeping people away from the sport. What is this, road racing?
  • 2 0
 pinkbike should just delete this article. clearly everyone is pissed or laughing their ass off. so much controversy and drama that the sport really doesnt need.
  • 2 2
 This really is the biggest heap of bullshit that Pinkbike have featured since my enrolment on the site. Referring to people with brain damage as 'a*sholes' and slagging off just about anything that isn't endorsed by the mind of an individual who clearly has a very diminished sense of what is and is not acceptable to broadcast online. Also shame on Pinkbike for featuring this article, I'll be personally offended if this article remains featured much longer. @pinkbikeaudience @radek
  • 1 0
 I miss the deep sarcasm that Mitchell Scott brought to Bike Mag. Agreed with every thing you said. You never remarked on the neon pajama kits that make riders look like bill board clowns.
  • 1 1
 "Growing our sport" is for capitalist pigs.
More people just means more blown out trails and more a*sholes in the way.
I look like a retard when I go riding on purpose to make our sport less cool.
For 1. Because it was cooler when it wasn't cool.
There were better people involved and not just a bunch of trendy fashion victims.
And for 2.
Troy Lee doesn't deserve any of our money.
Fashion is for idiots.
  • 4 0
 One of the worst articles ever on PB...
  • 1 0
 The Roadies have their version of "The Rules", so maybe it's time the Mountainbikers had their own code too?

Rule #1 - F*ck the rules!

Rule#2 - See Rule #1

Rule#3 - There are no rules.
  • 1 0
 I think the only rule that should be required is to write: "This intended to be funny" OR "This is NOT intended to be funny" before making any PB post... We can probably extend that rule to the comment section also.
  • 1 0
 Have fun, don't interfere with the fun of others, find your personal sense of accomplishment, and prioritize your health/ability to ride the next day over your Strava times... That is all. The rest is noise.
  • 1 0
 Hope this was satire. Most of these comments sound like a bunch of sissy nancies bitching about shoes and purses. Go ride your bike for f$&k sake stop worrying about everyone else.
  • 1 0
 my fave part of the public response is- people are SO up in arms about how DANGEROUS the department store bikes are............. but put a 10 YEAR OLD (OR OLDER) helmet on and you're good to go!!!!!!!
  • 1 0
 My goggles are a different blue to my blue crash-hat, will I go to prison?

PS Gentlemen that don't have a tight ass and muscular thighs that wear lycra should go to prison, for ever
  • 3 2
 Pretty good points exempt for the nuclear cat barf who cares. But what about people riding with there seats way to high on downhills.
  • 8 5
 ffffuuuccckkk this write up
  • 3 0
 Agreed! I am sad I wasted my time even clicking on it! I wish there was "veto" powers for the users of Pinkbike to keep stuff like this off the homepage.
  • 2 3
 Americans that don't want freedom of speech... oh wait, we wouldn't want someone to have a different opinion than us. Lighten up, it's a joke.
  • 1 0
 is it though? I mean, some of it I can see being a VERY bare bones sarcasm situation where the fact that there's some legitimacy involved makes the jokes funnier, but some of the remarks are fully legit making the possibility of comedy for the previous "rules" less effectual.
  • 4 0
 lol dont hate on socks
  • 4 2
 Calling bullsh*t on #6 - Aggy's forever got his lid on the back of his swede, and he's the boss.
  • 4 1
 too many rules, I just wanna shred my bike
:-/
  • 4 3
 Rule# 13 - One must have no sense of humour to be a Mountain Biker and take offence to nearly everything they read on Pinkbike
  • 4 1
 Im fast.... faster than you.... my bikes all clean, kits brand new
  • 2 1
 Very good satire with some relevant points thrown in (ie: helmet too far back on the head). Too bad it's lost on 90% of people.
  • 1 1
 Kona Bear!!! I rode one of those for 7 years. Fantastic bike. It was 100mm front and rear and referred to as a "light free ride" bike back in '02. Funny how everyone needs 160mm nowadays. . .
  • 3 0
 I do what the fuck I wannttt!!!
  • 1 0
 I say this is validate after you see how some one rides . I know ppl that ride old busted bikes better then ppl with new ones!!!
  • 1 0
 I always thought as long as you were fast you could make any mismatched glaringly ugly pajama kit work Wink If not fast then just still ride it, its only mountain biking!
  • 2 1
 You call those rules? 2/10 would not read again. Next time refer to these as a template: www.velominati.com/the-rules
  • 1 0
 seriously. there's more mtb-specific rules in the real list than were presented here.
  • 1 0
 the people who pay attention to their outfit usually cant ride. Man, if you bike just to show off your expensive gear, go be a model for goodness sake
  • 2 0
 I do agree with the shitty kids bike thing. There's no way I would let my kid ride a super cycle or some other pile of crap.
  • 3 1
 Mountain biking shouldn't have rules based on the latest trends and clothing companies trying to make money
  • 2 1
 Can't people get that this article is NOT serious? There could be a sarcasm font you know, so people could agree whether or not to hate on a cool article!
  • 1 0
 I'm all about the infamous Enduro fanny stash pack no shirt arm armor and spandex shorts with knee pads and my 5. 10 karvers!
  • 1 0
 (damage to this region turns you into an a*shole) - So if you start out as an a*hole, what happens then? Bigger a*shole, or get turned into an okay kind of guy??
  • 1 0
 Who cares. The other day I was huffing up the trail and some guy in his 60's passed me wearing orange Crocs. I'll have whatever he's having.
  • 1 0
 Black troy lee moto shorts and five tens with any top makes you look like a boss and matches anything. Don't piss on my chips
  • 1 0
 Go away with this baggy short nonsense. Lycra cycling shorts are designed for a reason. If you are insecure, it is your problem.
  • 4 2
 i can kinda see the comments exploding already
  • 2 0
 dude must be tall....that 26" giant dj looks tiny
  • 1 0
 14) Instead of riding you find yourself inside arguing on the internet. Fuuuuuck!
  • 5 2
 Is this list a joke?
  • 1 0
 if there's anything mismatched, its the purple and blue frame with orange bars and red grips.
  • 1 3
 so wait a second, what if its super hot out, as is often dirt biking or mountain biking, and I dont' want to scorch to death with a giant jersey over my body armor? bare body armor without a shirt underneath Chafes, I'm already hot in the armor, I agree with the other guy not that one ) Fun article though! some dept store bikes are ok though, just not for more challenging riding, pathways they work fine
  • 1 0
 Shhhiiittt !
I look like the homeless (bum) when am dh..Every top i owen has rips and holes from running out of talent..
  • 1 0
 Rule no.2 The taint/banus/whatevergirlscallit ... its called a Twasn't, because if it Twasn't there you would be Fu*cked !
  • 1 0
 It doesn't matter what you look like while riding. As long as people are seeing people out riding it will help the sport.
  • 2 0
 You forgot SHIRTS OFF ON THE ROCK!
  • 2 0
 How does this get to the homepage?
  • 2 0
 "Achille's Heal"..... I know it's just the internet, but c'mon!
  • 3 0
 this is fucking supid
  • 1 0
 Ha! I had an old Kona Bear. Thing was the beesknees back in 06 bought 2nd or 3rd hand...
  • 1 0
 A TROLL post from PB about how you should think and dress....MEH What else is new....
  • 2 0
 I ride without a shirt on because I'm a free American.
  • 3 1
 to be honest, people are taking this article a bit too seriously :/
  • 1 0
 The fashion police idea is such a bull sh!t concept. Its a free f*ck'n country. Ridding is all that matters!
  • 1 0
 *riding
  • 2 0
 I wear nothing but Jamaican Rasta colours. You can all sod off
  • 1 0
 Sorry but if you don't hump the shit out of full squish bike on every fire road, your missing out.
  • 1 0
 pinkbike is getting shitty with all of these stupid articles that are completely useless.
  • 6 4
 Is this satire?
  • 2 1
 So riding the bike park in a sleeveless jersey is beyond reproach?
  • 3 2
 Shammy time is training time...
  • 2 3
 Matching bikes and kit looks pro, but otherwise neutral colours are good. And anything fluro belongs on a construction site only.
  • 5 7
 "Looking pro" when you're not a pro = posing.
  • 3 2
 pffft, 12 don't mean shit when the sun's out! #Sunsoutgunsout :p
  • 6 5
 No one seems to get jokes anymore
  • 5 4
 That was my first thought when I saw all the top posts. Where is everyones sense of humor?
  • 5 3
 Doesn't read like a joke.
  • 4 6
 Doesn't read like a joke if to a person without a brain, or one that does this shit.
  • 2 2
 I'll wear what I wanna, when I wanna. where I wanna, how I wanna, and however I wanna. Got it!!
  • 5 4
 We need more codes ,more ,more more !
  • 5 3
 Lame
  • 2 0
 Trucker hat.
  • 4 2
 Is this sarcasm?
  • 1 0
 i read "unofficial", so i stopped reading further
  • 3 1
 This is fucking shit!
  • 1 0
 I'm still rocking my old Roach armor to and an old Kona Stinky from -02!
  • 1 0
 this is embarrissing ! except the little dude- he is cute
  • 2 0
 what a load of shit
  • 1 0
 there´s some who follow a trend... i make my own!
  • 1 0
 Why would one waste time for creating this shitty UCCC?
  • 1 0
 Mr. Magoo on a balance bike - don't see that everyday...
  • 1 0
 You're not the boss of me!
  • 1 0
 Hey king muppet. Stop sensoring my right to free speech
  • 1 0
 no but really, wear a godamn shirt
  • 2 0
 chamois, you philistine
  • 1 0
 If u are on a bike and havin fun, then u r kool!
  • 1 0
 How did this shitty rant make the news feed?
  • 1 0
 OK, so where is the down vote button for this article?
  • 1 0
 I was told once that cos i don't wear troy lee i am not a real downhiller
  • 7 6
 This is so on point!!!!
  • 4 3
 youre a dick
  • 5 1
 *you're. One really looks like an idiot when they mess up trying to insult someone.
  • 1 0
 Don't let that extra chromosome bring you down big guy @friendlyfoe
  • 3 3
 I take personal offense to #9.
  • 3 0
 How many people will now scroll up to remember what #9 is?
  • 3 4
 Rule 13- visors are REQUIRED no matter what in any form of full face helmet.
  • 7 8
 Who said Americans and Canadians don't get humour lol. These comments are gold
  • 4 5
 Actually sorry North Americans, it's actually everyone who can't take a fucking joke. You guys
  • 7 7
 Wear what I want, ride what I want, ride where I want, ride who I want.
  • 1 0
 @Tmission your giant
  • 1 0
 ahah yup
  • 1 0
 That was my old stp
  • 1 0
 yessir it was. #AlmostFamous
  • 1 1
 Association Football is cool , the word soccer sucks dick.
  • 2 1
 It has British roots. Short for association football. Look it up.
  • 1 2
 I know it's origin thank you very much,and as you are probably aware only one nation really uses it. This is mainly because they devised a fucked up version of Rugby, and couldn't come up with an original name. Take note that Football is played with the feet,while Grid Iron is played with the hands.
  • 1 1
 This was awesome! Good write up. Got a few good laughs in tup
  • 1 1
 all the helmet shit is right on point
  • 1 1
 I thought this article was very funny.
  • 1 0
 I hope this was a joke.
  • 1 0
 look at all the coments
  • 1 0
 all true
  • 1 0
 @maxdeutsch @gaberade24
  • 4 4
 Damn strait!
  • 7 1
 You mean straight, or you actually mean damn kyle strait.
  • 10 10
 this is so accurate!
  • 5 8
 Well done! Totally agree with them all! Cycling has too many damn weirdos! One question though, is it okay to wear goggles around my neck/under my visor/sideways on my FF?
  • 2 2
 hahhaaah its meeeeeee
  • 1 1
 fuc#Wn supid
  • 2 4
 Embrace it.
  • 2 5
 TUT TUT TUT !
  • 2 5
 Hahahahahahahahahaa
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