[April Fools] Industry Nine Launches N-1 Conversion Service

Apr 1, 2021
by Industry Nine  
Reams of credit card statements weighing you down? No more!

Words: Industry Nine

Are outdated geometry, a noodle of a fork, and your antiquated 3x9 drivetrain holding you back from being the envy of all your friends on the trail? Look no further than the Industry Nine N -1 (N MINUS ONE) service - a paradigm-shattering, proprietary bike conversion process. N-1 is designed to transform your current beater to “Pinkbike Staff Ride” approved or conversely, take your new whip and dress it down as your old bike - keeping you out of hot water with your S.O.

Keep your relationship as rosy as the honeymoon phase with our N-1 replication service that hides the fact that your bike truly does now cost more than your car! We’ll even provide tips on off-shore bank accounts and a “Jelly of the Month Club” membership certificate to prove your extra income has been eliminated!

Or perhaps the new bike project is still floundering because of parts availability (sorry!) and you need a kickstart to motivate you into the riding season - we got you covered with our other carefully curated N-1 service options!

The new bike will soon look old, courtesy of N-1.

Not only does N-1 offer bolt for bolt replication, we also offer a variety of subterfuge services intended on punking your riding buddies. Whether it be an exact copy of your older rusty frame, the ubiquitous and indistinguishable “looks like a Session,” or the tax-bracket hopping titanium and carbon laden “Dentist’s Dream,” rest easy with your new (or is it old?) bike in the hands of our overqualified and underpaid team of bikestheticians.

With a dedicated team of engineers, our patent-pending 1:1 N-1 replication technology is proven to evade the eagle eye of even the most perceptive penny-pinching partner. Or mix it up and “de-e” your new e-bike to befuddle your riding buddies as you smoke them up the tech.

Down to the details

Courtesy of our in-house machine shop, hand over your wallet at peace knowing your dollars are spent supporting American-made manufacturing. With a manageable 10-12 month lead time on any conversion service, you’ll be on your new bike just in time for the latest and greatest axle or bottom bracket spec to render your dream build obsolete.

With arms like Popeye, Gabriel, the i9 polisher, has seen every bike from Durango-built Schwinn Homegrowns to AMP Research B2’s

Our only in-class N-1 wheel building table outfits your bike with custom builds designed to withstand the most demanding ride conditions while retaining the look of a 26” wheel with an inner tube and a 1.95” tire.

Another satisfied customer! Anna is “look and look again” bike check ready while keeping her relationship stable, while expanding, yet oddly maintaining equilibrium of her bike stable. For more information visit www.industrynine.com/N-1


  • 32 0
 "With a manageable 10-12 month lead time on any conversion service, you’ll be on your new bike just in time for the latest and greatest axle or bottom bracket spec to render your dream build obsolete." I feel seen.
  • 12 0
 this article would be a lot funnier if I didn’t throw $4k in parts on a 98 Jamis Durango frame.
  • 6 0
 Don’t the bike thieves already do this for you free of charge?
  • 4 0
 Was hoping much of PB's 2021 content was one big gag leading up to today...
  • 5 0
 it's enough now
  • 3 0
 They Rick Roll you if you go to the website and start to build a bike there!!
  • 3 0
 never in my life did i think i would be rick rolled by a bike components company
  • 3 0
 Its real guys. Everything you read on the internet is true.
  • 2 0
 This totally made my morning - and that was before I realized what date it was.
  • 2 0
 Analog doesn’t make sense when talking about regular non-ebikes. Acoustic is better
  • 2 0
 idk SIDs are a bit upmarket still
  • 2 0
 Maillard Helicomatic... I see you guys still work on those!
  • 1 0
 Is that a Gunnar?! Am I old?!
  • 1 0
 I'll take the Gunnar Rockhound as is, no conversion neccessary.
  • 2 0
 that ripmo looks amazing
  • 2 0
 Thank you!
  • 1 0
 This is honestly amazing
  • 1 4
 I'm really glad that I9 has not had the time to ship my simple order for a Hydra bearing kit that I placed a week ago, but they had plenty of time to do this.
  • 2 0
 Hey look, another entitled chuckle head who thinks he's the only person who placed an order. Not every company is Amazon. You should cry about it.
  • 1 0
 @Satanslittlehelper: I am entitled...

Thank you for noticing!

I also feel like I’m entitled enough that I expect you to dry my big boy tears for me. Some snuggles wouldn’t hurt either...
  • 4 7
 Does anyone find these entertaining or funny at this point?
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