A short time ago
, I wrote an article about Salsa's fat-tired fun machine
, the Bucksaw, and found myself steering the intro and closing statements in a much more defensive tone than I would have preferred. Rather than explaining the hows and whys, I was saying things like, ''those who talk shit about fat bikes have almost certainly never spent any time on one,'' and it just felt odd to be defending a bike's existence before I got around to telling people how it performed. My efforts to inject some sanity into the comment section did work, for the most part, but there were still a few readers in there who, judging by their comments, would prefer it if women hadn't got the vote and evolution was only talked about in hushed tones.
The vitriol was actually impressive in a way, if only because a small handful of commenters seemed to hate the bike so much that it made me wonder how they feel about things that actually matter in this world. I can just imagine the blue veins popping out their foreheads if I ever questioned them in person about gun control, global warming, or everybody's favourite touch paper, religion. Then again, I've been told that it's not polite to ask strangers their take on such things. Also, I don't have one of those neat bang sticks that divers use to keep sharks away, so I'd not likely bring any of that stuff up. Anyways, I already got my monthly dose of heartwarming hate in the comment section of that one article (no need for me to go into any of the PB Awards pieces then, right?
), and I picked out a few proper gems that I've pasted in below, mistakes and all so as to get their full effect.
With the exception of maybe mini-golf or drunk Twister, looking like a dumbass has never been so fun.
''Absolute piece of shit. These absolutely ridiculous fat bikes need to disappear very quickly,
'' exclaimed matt76
. Good 'ol Matthew is a bit of a grumpy goose, but it seems that he still uses his pleases and thank you's so long as he agrees with a hater that's in the same camp as him: ''Thank you. I'm glad someone else on here sees sense for a change. These are total shite and are an eye sore on the trails,
'' he said in a reply to a fellow member of the fun police. Hey Matthew, if you leave your contact info below, it would allow companies to consult you before releasing a bike so that they can be sure that you approve of its appearance. Then everyone would eventually be on a good looking bike, right?
PB user torero
decided to go down the anti-corporate, it's-just-a-fad road, by saying, ''another stupid fashion that people do not stop consuming; that are fatbikes.
'' Torero, if you think that anyone riding a fat bike is concerned about fashion, you've likely been drinking too much Stan's sealant. Did you see how stupid I look in the photos of the Bucksaw review? Anyways, we're riding bicycles in the bush, so who gives a flying f*ck what we look like? All I care about is how long my last skid was. And while I'm all for everyone not spending money on huge televisions that they don't need or an iPhone, I also don't suspect that fat bike sales are lining anyone's pockets with cash or paying for Ferraris. I'm sure that fat bike sales are dwarfed by the number of ATVs and side-by-side vehicles with beer coolers, so we've got bigger problems to worry about than Jim from down the street looking like a tool on his Surly Moonlander.
|A fellow mountain biker shitting on fat bikes is a bit like being the bearded woman in the circus sideshow and calling the sword swallower a freak. We're riding bicycles in the bush, guys... we ARE the sideshow to the large majority of the stick and ball-loving public, and that's a good thing.|
My personal favourite was from Intense4life
, a dude who's maybe just a little too intense for me. ''WTF. This is rediculous. The question is why? If you buy one of these rediculous bikes your an idiot. What an embarrassment to the bike industry. Like anybody is going to make one of these the second or third bikes in their stable. Mike Levy and PB... Give your head a shake.
'' I am shaking my head, Mr. Intense4life, but it's not because fat bikes are a so-called embarrassment, but rather because I can't believe how closed minded someone can be. I want to go on a tandem bike ride with you - I'll even be the captain if it makes you more comfortable - and just talk about why you feel the need to aim your misdirected sense of manly toughness at what type of bike people want to ride. Afterwards we'd take the tandem through a Dairy Queen drive-through to get ice cream cones to eat on the beach together, comfortable with the silence between us. You'd then admit that yes, you too just want to have fun like the girl in that song, but you're scared that it might lead to you smiling by accident. I want to smile with you, Intense4life.
My point is that there are better things to growl about than what kind of bike a complete stranger is riding in the woods, aren't there? Complain about how almost every riding ''edit
'' is actually a disguised commercial, or maybe the old fallback that everyone hates, so-called bottom bracket, seat post, and axle standards. There's also puppy mills. No one likes puppy mills, but you'd rather complain about fat bikes than tiny, cute puppies locked in cages? So much of the hate that could be aimed at puppy mills is being wasted on fat bikes. Sure, the bikes don't go anywhere fast, so maybe they're not for you if that's your ultimate goal on every single ride (I bet you're a real joy to ride with if that's the case
), but taking them to task for being different isn't the right move.
A fellow mountain biker shitting on fat bikes is a bit like being the bearded woman in the circus sideshow and calling the sword swallower a freak. We're riding bicycles in the bush, guys... we ARE the sideshow to the large majority of the stick and ball-loving public who still have images of old Etto helmets, Factory Pilot Eyeshades, and pink Spandex in their collective head. I feel like the bearded woman would have to be nice to everyone without exception, given that all she's got is her personality to win other people over, and that we're all under the same circus tent so we should do the same.