[April Fools] Tech Briefing: April 2023

Apr 1, 2023
by Christie Fitzpatrick  

Tomas Lemoine
TECH BRIEFING
April 2023



Deviate Cycles Releases The Nessie, A 145mm High Pivot Trail Bike With A Difference

Introducing the Next Evolution in Single System Internal to External cable management - or NESSIE for short. (Learn more.)
photo



Ratio Launches the OverOversize Cage
bigquotesWe love our Ratio cages very much, but since their launch we’ve been plagued by one doubt - are they efficient enough? If we’re honest, hopping on a cage with tiddly little 12 and 14 tooth jockeys is nothing short of pedalling through treacle. At the end of a long climb, it’s common to see water steaming off those little jockeys - the 12 tooth in particular, obviously - as the energy dissipated by each huge 30 degree link microcycle burns up the chain.

With the new Ratio OverOversize Cage, featuring a sensibly-sized 24 tooth lower jockey, you can sleep easy knowing you’ve saved at least 0.1 W. All of our testers immediately confirmed the difference was totally obvious after we gave them free derailleur cages.
Remember: Never ride a jockey smaller than a grapefruit.—Ratio


The CyberStem from Farside Components
bigquotesIntroducing the CyberStem. This sleek and aerodynamic solid stainless steel stem is the future of bike stem design. Featuring a bolt-less design, it uses hydraulic bladders to secure the steer tube and bars. This new system is so rigid that we had to introduce a new 30.5mm steer tube standard and 36mm bars diameter. This new interface is a little heavier but significantly weaker. The hydraulic interface means no more creaky bolts, just give it a full bleed once or twice per ride and enjoy the smooth dampening properties of pure beluga oil. Fully equipped for wireless shifting cables through the face plate and integrated LED projector lamps. Pre order today with a $100 deposit, expected delivery in 2024..or 2025..or 6.—Farside Components


76 Projects' New MAG LEV Top Tube Bags
bigquotesWe're excited to announce our new MAG LEV top tube bags. After breaking new ground in 2020 with our award winning A.S.S. Anti Strap System we wanted to go one step further and thanks to our collaboration with NASA and CERN we elimated fixing points all together. The MAG LEV uses an array of 10423 very rare earth neobullshitium magnets to hold the bag at exacty 5.256478mm from your top tube.
For easy removal just switch off the electromagnetic* field.

*requires 3200v battery
** do not operate within 10 meters of pacemaker wearers—76 Projects


172.8mm Cranks from Appleman Bicycles
bigquotesNow available in a 172.8mm crank length.
-
This new crank length is completely and utterly numerically arbitrary.
-
But what does that do for my pedal stroke? Being neither 175 nor 165, the 172.8mm crank length hits a sweet spot for ALL riders that until now, has been completely untapped by the cycling industry.
-
Coming in at 0.3mm longer than 172.5, this game changing fraction of a mm will revolutionize the industry and definitely won't help your hip or knee angles.
-
Our stance is that all riders should be spinning this crank length... it's optimized for YOU. With our research collaboration with the Institute of the Arbitrarium, we've developed a number so odd, so completely random that it doesn't even split the difference.
-
Just kidding. When in doubt, ride 155's, or read "A Rider's Guide to Crank Length" in the bio for more info.—Appleman Bicycles


Tune Bike Parts Launch New Eco Line
bigquotesMay we introduce our newly developed tune Eco line ♻️

All components of the Eco line are made in-house from ultra-light and extremely durable polyvinyl chloride (definitively not conventional plastic). Through an elaborate 3D printing process, even the most complex components can be produced

What may look like greenwashing at first glance is actually a highly complex process in which only hand-picked polyvinyl chloride parts from the immediate vicinity (industrial area of Buggingen) are used and each product is made individually by hand.

Pre-orders can now be placed. A hub set will be available at a reasonable MSRP of 1399 euros.—Tune Bike Parts


Limited Edition Woom Jest
bigquotesThe Limited Edition woom JEST.
⁠
Get it now before it’s GONE
⁠
April 1st ONLY—Woom Bike


Fair Bicycle's Block Chain Drivetrain
bigquotesOur revolutionary, BLOCK CHAIN based drivetrain system increases efficiency by 0.40%!
A unique chain roller design with a BLOCK shaped profile creates the BLOCK CHAIN; combined with a hardened steel chainring you have the BLOCK CHAIN system. Since the roller only contacts the chainring in two spots, friction is reduced and efficiency maximized!
For these components multiple materials are mixed and not separable, thus not recycleable. And to keep the price reasonable (as well as our profit up), these will be manufactured in low wage countries.
All together making for a typical FAIR bicycle product!—Fair Bicycle


Introducing the Wheels Manufacturing Cockpit Taco Caddy

Introducing the ultimate accessory for taco-loving cyclists: the Cockpit Taco Caddy! This revolutionary new product is the perfect way to transport and protect your precious tacos while you're on the go. (Learn more.)
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New Juice Lubes Rider Juice Personal Lubricant

Entering (literally and figuratively) new and uncharted territory with the launch of Rider Juice. (Learn more.)
Juice Lubes Rider Juice MTB Rider Specific Lube




The Ultimate Solution For Urban Commuting with Kavenz Bikes

Turn your Kavenz bike into a durable and ultra-comfortable city bike, making the daily commute a doddle. (Learn more.)
Perfect ride on a perfect city bike




Ground Keeper Introduces the Secret Keeper

This revolutionary linkage garment transforms your outdated and boring suspension platform. (Learn more.)
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Evil, Shimano and Anthill Films Present: The Fitness Simulator

For a limited time only, purchase a Shimano EP8 Fitness Simulator™ x Evil Epocalypse, and we'll throw in the Evil Friend Pusher™ absolutely free! Just slap 'em and drag 'em. Now you're both in the jet stream! (Learn more.)


Chasing Epic Launches Limited Edition Experience-Based NFTs

We’re offering them a way to brag about their rides on social media without ever having to train, breathe hard, or even ride a bike, really. (Learn more.)
photo




BrakeAce’s new Coffee Supplies Self Storage System

With electronics removed, the new CS4 is designed to carry on-bike essentials. (Learn more.)
PC Tyler Perrin



MRP Reinvents "Ramp Control" Technology

Introducing 'Cramp Control'. (Learn more.)
photo




Trailforks Launches TrailTinder 2.0: Find Trails to Love

Is your singletrack is feeling a little too single these days? (Learn more.)
photo




NOBL Wheels Launch Oval Rear Wheel

Through “sensory-deprivation vision boarding”, we spent three days without food or water and challenged ourselves to share new ideas without speaking out loud. (Learn more.)
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Introducing Puffin Pedallers (Formerly Starling Cycles)

There's no mistaking the skinny steel tubes of a Puffin. (Learn more.)
photo


Hucker Clip Grips

Just jump up, clip-in and you'll be sidewalk surfing with ease. (Learn more.)
Hucker Clip Grips

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Reviews and Tech Tech Briefing Brake Ace Deviate Ground Keeper Juice Lubes Nobl Trailforks


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71 Comments
  • 70 0
 Yo I actually want to try riding an oval wheel. I know it will be shit, but could be fun.
  • 6 0
 There's a video on Youtube of these 1940s novelty bikes, some of which have offset hubs that make the wheels all wobbly
  • 26 0
 At high speeds, the bike will stop oscillating and the tire will contact the ground like the feet of an ostridge. Traction goes out the window but sounds interesting so I also want to try. LOL
  • 27 0
 @cedric-eveleigh: I love that you thought about this.

Levy and I rode a side by side bike (very romantic) in Taiwan in 2018 that had eccentric hubs that just jostled us around for some reason. Apparently it was a feature.
  • 17 0
 My wheel usually looks like that anyway. I just run lots of sag. The suspension takes up all the Undulation
  • 1 0
 Mee too, seems pretty fun. Would be lots of laughs for sure!
  • 14 0
 A few years ago a junior shop employee was really surprised to see an oval chainring. After teaching him about biopace and the current oval trend, we convinced him oval wheels were also a thing and that, if timed properly, they help you boost way higher off jumps.
  • 2 0
 There was a gag bike built with offset wheel (longer spokes on one side and shorter on the other) and it was the funniest bike ever. It was a old ss beach cruiser with 20 inch wheels
  • 8 1
 We built an oval rear wheel years ago. You would pump it like you were on a pump track. No need to pedal.
  • 3 0
 88mph and it's fine.
  • 2 0
 Maybe I'm mixing things up but I recall as a kid we went to this big playground/themepark where they had these bikes with eccentric hubs which were fun but pretty hard to get going. In the corners of the area you could ride these, you had water cannons so that you could blow people over (or at least soak them). It was pretty fun actually. I thought it was Linnaeushof near Bennebroek but I can't find anything about these bikes on the internet. Anyone here remembers them?
  • 6 0
 Roval Wheels really missed the April 1 oval wheels marketing opportunity.
  • 3 0
 Just remove your seat first for max fun.
  • 3 0
 @benmogush: Good ole Calvin from Park tool shows you how to build one.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=6e519AudqDM
  • 4 1
 My rim has so many flat spots it's basically an oval. Yours for just $159.99!
  • 1 0
 @calarco68: Haha, no way! That is super awesome! Fun to see Calvin try this out, especially since I'm in the Twin Cities as well. Thanks for the link!
  • 1 0
 @vinay: Yes, I remember that. I lived quite close and used to go there as a kid. Actually went back there last year with my kid. Loads of memories came flooding back. However, the wobbly bikes were no more.
  • 1 0
 @MisterChow: Was it actually the case that you could pump it like on a pump track?
  • 1 0
 @cedric-eveleigh: It worked but you couldn't really "coast." The bike kept bucking so it was pretty fatiguing after a while. But super fun in the parking lot.
  • 49 9
 Remember when the 1st of April had funny jokes?
  • 17 1
 Yeah. These are super half baked, and that’s being generous
  • 5 2
 Gotta agree, this April Fools wasn't nearly as good as the last couple of years. Hopefully this isn't dying out, I love how the mtb industry always does 4/1.
  • 1 2
 No, I don't remember, they've always been terrible
  • 1 0
 Remember when bikes cost less now the jokes on us 10 months of the retail price year ( 2 months of sale pricing somewhere)
  • 22 0
 MRP definitely went with the minimum effort on this one
  • 13 0
 Now that Taco Caddy is AWESOME. Can you imagine, getting to the top of the trail. Everyone else has their Cliff Bars, and you whip out some Tacos. Yep.
  • 3 0
 Could use some electric hand warmers to keep them warm too.
  • 2 0
 I can assure you through personal experience that you do not want to try anything like this past about the age of 35, unless you also have a water bottle full of Mallox.
  • 3 0
 I'd definitely buy one!
  • 2 0
 The taco caddy is legit if it has a solar powered heater so when it is time…they are spot on!
  • 2 0
 Wrap em up in tinfoil and stick em in your pack.
  • 12 0
 Finally a lube I can get BEHIND...
  • 6 0
 Full rearview tomorrow?
  • 6 0
 So much better than my dry lube.
  • 2 0
 Tbh i'd trust a bike mechs solution over most commercial big pharma products...
  • 12 0
 This is still the best April fool's joke: www.outside.io
  • 7 0
 Outbound Lighting’s submission to the annual joke product rodeo: www.instagram.com/p/Cqe__cHuEhW/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y
  • 6 0
 That ones hilarious, especially the video of them trying to use the thing lol.
  • 7 0
 Look at the time! I mean, date.
  • 3 0
 Seriously want a taco caddy. Keep those crispy bastards warm, crunchy, and in one piece and I’ll provide the Cholula. Nothing better for the post climb rest than a couple of delicious tacos. Bonus if it doubles as a Choco-taco transporter as well.
  • 3 0
 In Soviet Russia, trail swipes you!
*checks Google maps
"Wait a minute, Siberia is covered in permafrost. This can't be a real trail."
  • 5 0
 NFTs are whack
  • 6 1
 Are we still doing this?
  • 2 0
 Hoped to see some brand repeating this cables through the headset joke. Have seen it before but it is still very funny in a dumb way.
  • 2 0
 Hey don't laugh, I might set up a dropship business repurposing plastic boxes into taco caddies. I'll make dozens of dollars! Dozens!
  • 1 0
 As someone who could have potentially lost a thumb to a freak air hammer incident (I got lucky). The clip grips are almost a genius idea if they had a glove system to go with them.
  • 1 0
 Ha, all awesome April first fun! Well, except for the taco caddy, Wheels Manufacturing are onto something legit there. Take my money!
  • 2 1
 I'm not so sure I get the Kavenz Bikes joke This is the kind of bikes Germans are using as city bikes. They cannot not be aware of this
  • 2 0
 I am so tired from work and forgot what date it was, reading these I deadass thought they were real.
  • 3 0
 Taco Caddy wins.
  • 1 0
 I posted about my Oval wheel invention last April Fools - got a fair bit of people fooled.
  • 2 0
 Check this out,oval wheels that actually work. I've seen it in person and it's mindblowing.
youtu.be/HqgR9Hq90Ts
  • 1 0
 I believe He-Man invented the first practical oval wheel. The Attak Trak.
  • 1 1
 The Starling Cycles changing to Puffin Pedallers is real and not an April Fools.....they had to change there name due to legal reasons.
  • 1 0
 Most of these don’t even seem that far fetched for the bike companies to actually do!
  • 1 0
 How’s no one talking about this
youtu.be/jP56fbeQnnI
  • 4 2
 Thanks for the giggle!
  • 1 0
 BrakeAce’s link is wrong
  • 1 0
 Fair Bicycle's entry looks about as useful as real blockchain...
  • 2 0
 Real nice list
  • 1 0
 Still awaiting my Municipal Haste from the other year.
  • 2 1
 Raceface and spank have been building these wheels for years.
  • 1 0
 "This year Halloween fell on a weekend".
  • 1 0
 I enjoyed the oval wheel, well done Nobl.
  • 1 0
 Will that taco box ship to Europe?
  • 1 0
 Add this one... youtu.be/GdAfqSjvwaU
  • 1 0
 I'm still waiting for my Chromag hardtail high pivot
  • 1 0
 I see half of PBkers buying this shit if ti was real Big Grin
  • 1 0
 Through headset cable routing is notably absent.
  • 2 3
 Stem looks like tesla truck.







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