UCI Announces Downhill Domination Tournament to Decide Cancelled World Cup Rounds [April Fools]

Apr 1, 2020
by James Smurthwaite  

The UCI have today announced that a Downhill Domination tournament will be used to assign World Cup overall points for any races that have been cancelled this season.

Losinj and Fort William have both already announced cancellations in 2020 meaning the World Cup season is now down to 6 rounds from the originally planned 8. To ensure that the series still gets enough exposure and overall points can still be handed out, an e-sports tournament using the classic PS2 game will now be held instead.

The move was inspired by motorsports, where professional racers such as Max Verstappen have competed in simulator races against e-athletes due to races being cancelled. The UCI announced guidelines for cycling e-sports last year believing they would mainly apply to indoor racing on turbo trainers however the current situation has meant that they will now be used for adjudicating mountain bike racing too.

The tournament will be held in a knockout format with the 64 top-ranked riders from last year racing head to head in split-screen mode while sitting on couches 2-meters apart. In accordance with UCI rules, they must be wearing a helmet, gloves and a back protector. Skinsuits will still be banned. The controllers will be disinfected between each round and riders will be asked to wear gloves and masks while playing. The UCI's anti-doping truck will be modified to now detect for Ritalin, caffeine and other concentration-enhancing substances.

Any athletes who want some practice before the event have been advised to go to the Pinkbike Buy and Sell pages, where a horde of teenagers is waiting to trade them an Xbox and $200 for their race bike.

bigquotesThe future is so blurry and unpredictable that I do not really know what to do.Loic Bruni


bigquotesI'm coming out of World Cup retirement to race as myself in the game. I'm looking forward to teaching the young dogs a few tricks.Brian Lopes

Press Release: UCI

In the current context of the current global situation, the Union Cycliste Internationale (UCI) is proud to announce the 2020 UCI Mountain Bike LAN Party presented by Flamin' Hot Cheetos. Following the cancellation of the World Cups in Fort William (Great Britain) and Lošinj (Croatia) at the request of the organisers, an alternate solution was found that will retain the integrity of the competition and ensure the safety of the athletes.

Rob Warner, the UCI’s new Commissioner of Video Games, said: “I’m looking forward to hitting some energy drinks with the boys and telling the losers I had relations with their mums down the microphone.”

A date is yet to be finalised for the event. Who do you think will end up on the podium?


83 Comments

  • 151 0
 Lopes' combat rating seems low
  • 4 0
 Thank you
  • 1 0
 Yes!! Came here for the Lopes comments!
  • 5 0
 When he podiums it goes to 10
  • 3 0
 He also had entirely too many shirts on in that picture. The lack of shirt gives him the low combat rating.
  • 2 0
 He has 160 Local Bike Shops backing him. He must be good?
  • 92 0
 at this point, this wouldn't have surprised me if it wasn't a joke.
  • 6 1
 Yeah, sooner or later COVID-19 will spread via computers too ffs
  • 4 0
 at this point, I’d be happy to have this.
  • 1 0
 I think they took more acid than me somehow.
  • 24 1
 I’m enjoying these so far, but I’m waiting for the announcement of the all new super duper boosty mcboostface 200mm wide rear hub standard we’ve all been looking forward to.
  • 9 0
 That probably is real news. Sad smiley face
  • 6 0
 Nah, it'll be called Microboost and it'll be a 135mm hub with a 9mm axle in order to allow for "optimal compliance", but it'll use a new flange spacing so old QR hubs aren't compatible.
  • 5 0
 @big-red: I think you mean 134.99mm hub and 8.99mm axel for optimal dubness
  • 12 0
 @AMGoran: Of course. My mistake. I think I was misled in the way I applied the science.
  • 6 0
 @AMGoran: You mean 420mm hubs and 69mm axels
  • 3 0
 @big-red: I see what you did there.
  • 2 0
 Too late, it's already 197mm on fat bikes!
  • 11 0
 Is it true that for the remaining EWS races, in order to improve the racing and give more equality to the riders, in the few races that might happen this year, it has been decided that everybody will ride the same bike?

And is it equally true that the Grim Donut was chosen for this?
  • 3 0
 equally true, yes
  • 3 0
 And all riders have to drink from the same bottle.
  • 15 4
 Cool, so some skinny pale kid who lives on Pringle's with penis arms and a whispy 8 strand goatie is gonna be 2020 world cup champ.
  • 27 0
 Does that mean am going to be world champion this year cant believe my luck
  • 7 1
 @grantgeesmith: But how are you going to hold the controller with penises for arms?
  • 1 0
 No way some skinny pale kid could survive the Mt McSchley round.
  • 4 0
 Can you convert in-game points to UCI points? I am not the fastest out on the mountain and therefore don't have any UCI points yet, but I am an absolute shredder in this game and I'd like to get my hands on some world cup podiums this year
  • 7 0
 Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start. Suck it Loic.
  • 3 0
 hahhaha, my teenage son came rolling in telling me how awesome this was going to be for them to do this- then was confused why they would use PS2. Even after trolling him in my responses, still took him about 10 minutes to figure out what day it was... lol
  • 5 0
 "the 2020 UCI Mountain Bike LAN Party presented by Flamin' Hot Cheetos" THIS
  • 3 0
 Haha this is gold :'D i loved that game, long before i started riding downhill in real life ... Maybe i only started because of that game, who knows ^^

Will Bottle 3 be allowed during the race? ;-)
  • 5 0
 “Brian Lopes, 29.” Loool
  • 2 0
 They really need to update this game would be awesome on the new consoles with deep woods hi def drifts and such. This version is just tony hawk pro skater reskinned.
  • 1 0
 Actually it's Twisted Metal reskinned Wink although it is hard to believe! To me it plays just like SSX 3 but on dirt instead of snow. Both good fun 'big mountain' games from the same classic era!
  • 5 0
 Is Rob Warner my dad?
  • 7 0
 I mean, probably.
  • 1 1
 @brianpark: well that explains why I can't manual
  • 3 0
 Too soon man, too soon. *sob :'(
  • 1 0
 Yes I was grimacing and thinking "f off not in the mood" but stuck with it. Ended up laughing (its good for you) when I got to Warners part.
  • 3 0
 The news still seems more reasonable than the game itself
  • 2 0
 UCI should start to allow spectators to walk inside the track to increase the gnar.
  • 2 0
 Cyclops is replaced with a virus looking like this ????. Its character will be called Cocid-19
  • 1 0
 Covid-19
  • 1 0
 Hands down, this is today's best announcement. This one's hilarious! Helmets and back protectors must be worn, skin suits will still be banned.
  • 3 0
 Kineticlops on the goat bike for the win every time.
  • 1 0
 "Following the successful start of eMTB racing under UCI wings, it was only logical to take the next step....", David Lappartient, UCI president was quoted.
  • 3 0
 Ah how things quickly go downhill once you start having an E-Bike series.
  • 3 1
 fuuuuuuuuck, I would 100% tune in for this. That game was it back in the day.
  • 1 0
 They will only stream on Twitch the last 30 seconds of the top 5 womens runs because........you know, no one's interested in watching birds race are they?
  • 2 0
 Funny how there's more news today than any other...
  • 1 0
 Well done, got me for a second... saw it on the home-page and with the recent Zwift news thought "Wait, what?"
  • 2 0
 "cracks fingers'' come at me squids.
  • 2 0
 seems reasonable! cant wait!
  • 2 0
 but what about the fantasy league then?
  • 1 0
 I was sitting on the pot, mostly asleep reading this and was so confused for a few minutes.
  • 2 0
 Bloody hikers on track Smile
  • 1 0
 UCI putting the same amount of effort into April Fools as they do into the mountain biking side of cycling
  • 1 0
 Can they do this just for fun for the races that got canceled? That would be so fun! Smile
  • 1 0
 I will boycott this travesty. It's a slippery slope!
  • 1 0
 Are there cheat codes allowed?
  • 8 0
 Must be, Lopes is racing...
  • 1 0
 Why not play on the new PS4/1 ??
Will everyone ride a session?
  • 1 1
 Such a great game! And I loved how the shoe selection in the store are all like hiking boots
  • 1 0
 Mammoth eliminator goes digital!!
  • 1 0
 April fools or not, I'd take this over nothing!
  • 1 0
 Does the reboot game feature a punch button for Lopes?!
  • 1 0
 Cathros got a great chance now . Surely his era.
  • 2 1
 Winner gets his own Grim Donut ??
  • 1 0
 My chance at a rainbow jersey is here
  • 1 0
 Do they still make this game?
  • 1 0
 The UCI should skip all this and just announced Lopes the winner.
  • 1 0
 Martin Maes will use cheat codes ????????
  • 1 0
 Catch this water bottle son!
  • 1 0
 Foes. FTW!
  • 1 0
 "carrying good speed"
  • 1 1
 missed chance to shine some more light on Dick Pound there
  • 1 0
 #TeabagTantalizer
  • 1 2
 Hilarious, especially when not realizing it was "today"!
  • 1 1
 CHECKS DATE ....
  • 1 1
 Classic!
  • 1 1
 Yawn
  • 1 1
 Timing = huge success
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