Video: Become a Swedish Slopestyle Rider in 10 Easy Steps
Have you always wanted to be a Swedish slopestyle rider, renowned for their techy approach and just style in general? I teamed up with Swedish techwizard Olle Lundahl to show you the way.
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1. Have 10 pints of real ale the night before and all agree to be up and ready at 7
2. Wake up at 10 with a head ache and have a full English breakfast and 5 cigarettes
3. Ride in the clothes you woke up in because you forgot you biking kit
4. Set off in the pissing rain with no waterproofs
4.5 sweat like a bitch !!
5. Ride uphill for 2 mins and stop for a cigarette and water
6. Realise you forgot to bring water
7. Ride uphill for another 2 mins and stop for a cigarette. Sweat like a bitch. Eat a pie
8. Ride around a bit, fall off and be back in the pub for 12.30
9. Sit in the pub and tell everyone you’ve been riding for the day
10. Complain you need a lighter carbon bike even though you weight 23 stone
11. Drink 10 pints
1. Buy a dh bike
2. Jump off the biggest stuff you can
3. Realize your dh bike sucks on uphill
4. Buy an enduro bike
5. Realize you want your dh bike again
6. Buy 15 more bikes
7. Wear only flannel and shorts, no pants or t-shirts
8. Continue to shred the amazing British Columbia gnar
9. Talk sh*t about everywhere else’s riding because bc riding is the best
10. Ride your damn bike and have fun (until you fold your frame and taco your wheels)
1. Buy a Santa Cruz Enduro bike with dat oil money
2. Only ride your 170mm enduro bike on blue XC trails
3. Ride in cowboy boots (shoutout to the flannel crew)
4. Stop every kilometer to smoke a joint, then complain about your fitness the rest of the ride
5. Get crazy good at flat corners because berms don't exist
6. Get excited if it rains 1mm cause its going to be "tacky like velcro brah"
7. Have health problems from constantly inhaling moon dust
8. Buy a fat bike so you can keep riding in the winter
9. Do yearly trips to BC bike parks with the boys
10. Consider moving to BC for the epic riding, check housing prices and decide to stay in Alberta
1) let the forums know of your epic ride days in advance
2) Troll Waki
3) Instagram every second from your morning shit until you actually hit the trail.
4) Turn on all 8 cameras
5) Stop every two minutes to take epic photo shots of your epic ride, epic bro brah.
6) remove all 8 cameras for epic photo shoot reinstall after epic photo shoot.
9) Blog the living shit about your epic ride on as many platforms as humanly possible. (Even though you only completed 15% of the whole ride due to all the time wasted taking photos and videos)
10) Talk about how tough and epic the trails are on the innernet.
11) Troll Waki
1. Sht on people’s gearing choice so that they feel like someone tells them they are weak
2. Sht on one of the favorite athletes so that someone thinks you lack respect for their hero
3. Sht on a random MTB genre so that they feel like someone thinks they are doing the wrong kind of MTB
4. Sht on their training method
5. When they put you into a corner appear as mad.
6. Be creative with mentioning various examples of mass genocide in politically charged articles.
7. Don’t let them get into details when arguing with you. Always refer to a supposed deeper message.
8. If you know you are right about aome subject (like you spoke to a few actual bike engineers about it) argue until you kick the last sht out of the opponent
9. Completely ignore the propping system.
10. If you argue for long on an issue of little importance follow the rule of “it is a*sholes privilege to have last word”. Once they say something outrageous leave them with it.
Just imagine... someone was arguing with you about gearing or suspension setup. Maybe they said that their results speak for themselves. And then they ride somewhere turn on their strava and your name is in top10 while they sit no further than 1/3rd of the pack... mmmmm. I get wet at the very thought. That feeling in the gut... you want to say motherf... but it just won't come out.
Anyhoo. I know how to be a Swedish Enduro rider:
1. Buy either a Kona or a Canyon
2. install Strava but talk about Trailforks
3. Join group rides organized by shops
4. Pedal your ass off on climbs only to block everyone on descents
5. Criticize trail network in your town without showing up on building days
6. Buy XC29er as a “training bike” and ride it on running-paths as fast as you can to turn everyone against MTBers.
7. Talk how much you need to improve your cornering and jumping
1. Buy an overpriced DH bike from the one shop, that sells DH bikes
2. Ride your heavy, unnecessary and overpriced DH bikes on all 3 trails in one day
3. Compete with buddies, who can squeeze the longest descent out of a 20 second trail
4. Talk shit about how enduro is shit
5. Secretly drool over enduro bikes
6. Hit your 30s, buy an enduro bike and ride the same 20 second downhills without ever pedalling uphill
7. Go to Scandinavian bike-parks and brag about how you have ridden the best trails in the world after having visited Are and done one run on Shimano
8. Buy an unnecessarily powerful and overpriced car and forget about MTB
1. Ride bike to and from work and insist to coworkers that you just enjoy it
2. Get home from work and nagging wife yells at you for how much longer it takes and you insert the argument that you’ve gotten it down to where it only takes 11 minutes longer on bike than to drive and think of all the gas we’re saving
3. Gather up 3 year old son and get him on his kick bike, grab your dj and go on bike ride around neighborhood
4. Beg wife to let you go ride until she gives in
5. Go ride Ohio xc trails for two hours and have the time of your life
6. Cook dinner because nagging wife is lazy
7. Register to 26” wheel class for extra riding time because now you can’t waste the money you’ve spent on it
8. Now it’s the snowy time of year, buy a season pass to rays indoor mtb, drive an hour twice a week all winter to maximize the value of pass
9. Scrounge any extra money you have for new parts
10. Dream about when 3 year old son and 1 year old daughter are old enough to take to ride trails, rays and bmx/skatepark
1. Spit shine our bike all week for the weekend ride
2. Stop at McDonald’s for breakfast sandwich on the way to the ride.
3. Get to the trail and first thing you do is take a picture for Pinkbike.
4. Happy to show off your brand new fox 40s on your XC bike.
5. Make sure your Bluetooth headphones is in and that your Garmin is set to your phone so that you can text Facebook Instagram and Pandora all while riding.
6. Take the small table jump but tell your buddies all about that huge gap jump you took.
7. Make sure your dropper post is working on your new downhill bike.
8. Can’t figure out why all your parts from China keep breaking.
9. Drinks beer like a Brit and smokes pot like a Canadian
10. Spend more time on pink bike then actually riding.
11. Buys the latest updated frame even if the only difference is a color change.
12. Not really a 12 Item its just America so we always need one more than the rest of you LOL.
1. Wake up and have some artisan coffee and artisan weed.
2. Talk with buddies about going for an "epic", but just settle on another ride in the front range.
3. Put Yeti on kuat rack on Subaru/Designer truck
4. Drive in traffic to trail head and circle around parking 3 times before you find an open spot.
5. Talk to your "Bros" about the "stoke" for 45 minutes.
6. Check your pressure in both tires and shocks, even though you did it yesterday. They were fine, but your shock lost 15psi when you put the pump on. You decide you'll drop a grand on a push 11-6, since your shock is obviously leaking.
7. Get kitted in turquoise yeti gear head to toe. You're totally a factory rider because your kit was 20% off after your $10k bike purchase.
8. Climb 2000' and hate yourself.
9. Drop into the "gnar" and ride brakes for entire descent, rolling all the drops. Siiicckkkk bro.
10. Hangout in parking lot drinking beer out of yeti ice chest for the next hour and a half.
11. Get home 6 hours later, 1.5 of which was on the bike.
Easy.
1.buy mtb stickers and plaster them all over the back of your Ute
2.dont stress about winter ,cos you can shred the semi gnar all year round.
3. Practice cutties everywhere
4.take those cutty skills to the dusty trails on small hills.
5.grow a filthy haircut or facial hair and be proud of it.
6.finish weekend rides with a schooner or swim.
7.if the trails are awesome,describe it as “yeah not bad ay”
8.run minion dhf’s only
9.go ride whistler and enjoy it,but talk about “back home”
10.drift with both wheels and a foot out and blow up every corner you can.
seriously anyone know why all slopsylers do that?