Chav Spotter Edition 4

Hello all Chav Spotters, this week, we take a bit of a break from our usual scheme and focus this time on the world of the young Chav, from birth to Teenage years. These are the offspring of the Chavette (Chavicus Chavettus) and either Feral or Common Chavs. However, Eco Chavs have been known to perpetuate thier seed in the ritual of mating with Chavettes.

The mating season tends to be whenever and wherever possible, from flats to people's back yards, where it is perpetuated as hastily as possible to avoid being arrested due to indecency, however, for some Feral Chavs, such an arrest is a rite of passage as they develop. Once the Chavette has been inseminated and fallen pregnant, the Chavette will normally tell the male to 'Get Lost' or they will slink away to their dens and brag about it to thier Feral Chav mates as to 'how good a f*ck the sl*g was'. This is normally met with bravado from the other members of the pack.

The Chavette, now pregnant will gestate for 9 months until the birth of the infant Chav (Chavicus WillBeIgnoredus ByChavettica). Also known as the State baby, for these young Chavs will have everything they need supplied by the hard working members of the populous, aka the poor embattled and downtrodden Taxpayer, whose hard earned money is syphoned off by the Chavette for the upbringing of thier offspring. The baby, once taken home is then either placed in a cot, bought with Taxpayers money, fed on baby milk, paid for by the Taxpayer and clothed, again, paid for by the hard working Taxpayer.


Here we see a rare example of a Chavette and her Mate (a Feral Chav), who held still long enough to feign being proud of the infant before pissing off for his next 'hit'

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The young Chav now grows up, and we catch them at the age of three years, where they begin to walk, or in some cases, if developing rapidly, swagger like an adult Chav. It is now they begin to learn thier first words, normally obscenities if they are (and very rarely) raised by thier Chavette mother, the reason this is so rare is that most Chavettes tend to offload thier young onto thier long suffering parents or the Feral 'Father' Chav while the Chavette seeks a hit, smoke, drink or another hard mating session. The other way a young Chav learns thier first words is by being sat in front of the TV and shown the Jeremy Kyle Show, where they learn the meaning of violence, aggression and of course, more swearing. It is thought that by watching other Chavs fighting on the 'glowy box' and sometimes even fighting outside thier environment that the Chav's die is cast as to where thier evoloution will lead them.

By the age of seven years, the now Young Chav (Chavicus Young Tearawayica) has proboably been expelled form two or three schools and been arrested or chased by the police numerous time. If arrested, they may, in some cases gain thier first 'Token of Chavhood', thier first ASBO, to which some Chavs, even in rare cases, the Father, will send the Young Chav a congratulations note, and a big party will be held in this honoured rite.

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The Young Chav will also now begin to display signs of age, namely the Hooded tops, white trainers and trackie bottoms, so prevalent among 90% of Chav Speicies that we have identified

As the Chav ages and grows older, by the age of 11, they normally have formed into semi-feral packs of 5 or 6 individuals and begin to exhibit traits of the Feral Chav we know and hate, normally seen hanging around Skate Parks or outside the houses of known drug dealers, these Young Feral Chavs are known for making a serious nucsiance of themselves with loud music, shouting, fighting and swearing int he street, normally at anti social hours. By the teenage years, these packs will normally thin down to three or four individuals, and by the age of 16, they will have experienced the act of Mating for the first time, normally with the filthiest Chavette possible, and be at the local sexual health clinic being scanned for STi's, due to the fact thier idea of protection is 'it is the woman's job to look after that shit'

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Now aged 16, our Young Feral Chav reaches a T Junction in thier lifetimes...to either further evolve into a different Chav, sponge off the system, get high, laid, pissed and hang around on the streets outside the Job Centre or follow the path most Chavs fear to tread......GET A JOB.....Many however decide to choose the former and spend life screwing Chavettes, sponging off the Taxpayer, getting high, pissed and playing on the Xbox or Playstation 3 all day. By this time also, the Chav look of Trackie bottoms, Hoodies, trainers and baseball caps are well and truly esconced upon thier form, some may also have cigarettes hanging from thier mouths or beer bottles of cheap lager in thier hands, the Chav 'scowl' will also be developing well by this time.

So ends this week's edition of Chav Spotter, I hope you all have enjoyed this week's edition. Next week, we shall look in depth at the Weed Smoking Chav (Chavicus INeedWeedicus). Til then, take care and happy Chav Hunting!