Good friends we've had and good friends we've lost...

So at the ripe old age of 33, and being a Paramedic for some 13+ years, I've seen death in many any forms, but one thing I can never get used to is losing my friends... Well, tonight a very good girlfriend of mine went into cardiac arrest and was taken off life support some hours later this makes 7 friends I've lost in the ast 5.5 years... I now it's nothing I could have prevented, but as a Medic I just feel like if I were there I could have done SOMETHING more to hel her. First my best friend/pseudo-brother was murdered in his appartment 5 1/2 years ago and the person responsible got awy with it. Wirst bit was if I hadn't had to go to my Medic Cont. Education class that morning I would have been there and he never would have died... I know it;s not my fault, but I just think that if I was there he would still be alive ;( )... 6 months later a good friend who had finnaly gotten his drivers lisence was killed by a drunk driver. 4 months after that a great friend was killed on a snowmachine in the back country. 1 1/2 years ago another life long friend got in his hot-tub while his wife went to bed and had a pulmonary embolism and was found dead the next morning... A week later I found out that a friend from the fire academy who took a civy. contractor job as an "on base" firefighter (a job I was going to go do with him before I met my fiance) was kiled by an insurgent attack.... And on and ON and ON.. Now as I said, in my line of wok I have seen death in every form and I have grieved with the famelies of people I didn't know but for a few minutes as I tried to save their lives. Nothing can ever take away the memory of having a woman in the throws of a AAA (ascending aortic Anuerism) clutching my scrubs and stethescope asking me to help her breathe and then dying 5 seconds later looking right at me, but I just feel like I have this horribe black cloud following me right now.. If I soud bitter and angry)ier - I'm a redhead of the most stereotypical fashion afterall) then please accept my apologies, but I'm NOT in a good place right now. In truth I have a pretty amazing record as of the 78 people I've preformed life-saving treatment on I've lost 11. hell I've kept a climber alive for an hour trying to get a medi-vac chopper to him here on Mt Hood and I was there as a rescuer when the Pave Hawk crashed into Mt. Hood several years ago... point being I KNOW I've done good things, but every DAY I see people, SCUMMY PEOPLE who don' deserve to live waltz out of the ER and back to stealing and injuring peopel yet good people die around me like it's nothing....

I just want anyone who reads this to think for aminute about what would happen if someone you know died tomorrow... What if some one you had been mad at died??? Just don't let petty shit keep you from those who really make your life matter. Even people I know only through this board casualy through messages make my life better. Our lives are a conglomerate of meetings with people and those relationships are a huge part of who we are as a whole... so by all eans, take the time to tell the people who matter to you that you love the and care about them. Don't let macho-pride make you feel as though it's not "cool" or "sappy" to be that guy who says "I love you man" cause in a matter of seconds it can all be gone and you;ll ever get a chance to say it again. Sherrish your friends and family and even those ho you don't think "matter that much" because if they're gone you just might find, like I have in life that you miss them and would give anything for 5 more minutes to tell them how you feel... Something that take little to no effort from you could mean the word to them and it could save you from eeling the regrets that I feel in my life every day.

So to any and all of my "friends" here on PB: Thank you for making this world a better place and for enjoying the same things I do: riding your bike. I may not know you well or at all really, but if I ever get a chance to meet you you'll have a friend for life because I simply value friendship and personal interaction above all. When we go, we're gone (IMO) and all we have is the memories that others have of us so make them good ones....

Cheers and no Worries

Dave