Waki-Leaks' Trail Side Fashion 2016

Jun 22, 2016 at 15:43
by Wacek Kipszak  
Waki leaks

As the Enduro hysteria is slowly calming down, a new trend in MTB is already behind the corner. It's a very weird one, you may say because it is the first time in the history of MTB where we are told that faster is not better. I am speaking of the last territory, untouched by hype - TRAIL riding and TRAIL bikes, you know stuff you were always doing on your bike, long before Enduro got cool, in fact you never thought Enduro was cool, even before it stopped being cool. You were always ahead of the times. If you feel this way then, you are probably doing something called trail riding.

The industry expects this new genre to be massive, and defines its worshippers as individualists, not caring about trends, race results or Stravados, for whom the goal is the journey through landscapes, corners, and challenges of trail features, perils of the wild, excitement of adventure - the pure joy of riding. They are intellectuals of the cycling world for whom less is more. Their weapon of choice may often be the large wheeled hard tail or a sophisticated short travel full susser, and some of them don't shy away from Plus tyres or Fat bikes. There are no borders, nobody can judge them, since they are outside of the beaten path of strive for efficiency or weight to stiffness ratios. Racers have the clocks, Trail riders have the time. Enduro riders track their rides with satellite technology, trail riders track the trail with a plethora of senses. As some of us may have heard, the great F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote once: "The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function". And so does a true trail rider on a bike with a hard rear end. He believes that he is, good enough to handle the roughest terrain on a small bike but he is not worthy of 6" of travel as he cannot utilize it on his trails. He is not interested in cutting seconds, but he wants a better pedaling bike. He doesn't need a lot of travel, but he needs slack head angles, long wheel bases, wide bars, chain retention and fat tyres - basically everything that Enduro and DH bikes have. But he raises above it, courageously fitting it all onto a hardtail or short travel frame to get in touch with the ground for feedback, for contact with nature, something that we lost with the evolution of technology; something so precious in the advent of E-bikes. Thanks to a lack of forgiving travel (in the rear, they still have at least a 140mm fork up front) they can squeeze all the juices off their local trails.

In this article, I present you with the products that are made just for them, for trail riders, for whom Enduro racing corrupted what was meant to be the spirit of Mountain Biking. The Idylle can continue and industry will help them keep it clock free, but still, with a big dose of style. I focused on apparel because after all, a true trail rider can rip on any bike, he could climb 300 vertical feet on a DH bike if he so wished.



WAKi-leaks

First up is a company who is a complete embodiment of trail riding: WheelBase 1500, a company for riders by riders that doesn't believe in functional backpacks. Here is their prototype "Home Green"", a bike with 90mm of rear travel, ready to accommodate at least 2 future revisions of geometry and the latest school of gear carrying. We take everything out of a perfectly organized backpack and randomly tape it all over a 28lbs carbon bike, eventually stuffing it into countless zipped pockets in the trousers. I love their "Jag-Elite" line of apparel allowing you to hit the golf club straight after a ride, without looking like a misfit.



WAKi-leaks

Second up is an interesting take on gear storage and protection from growing German giant PIXIES. The company takes inspiration from European cinematography and Eco/retro tendencies by using leather straps to solve the bouncing of the fanny pack and sliding of knee guards. PIXIES strongly believes in proliferating all genres of MTB with Full face helmets. Enter Schrauber nut case with the Mustacchio detachable chin system, where the alien form of the chin piece is broken up with the delicacy of a Bipiemme visor relating to the roadie swag.



WAKi-leaks

Mediterranean company Purge is well known for their holistic approach to MTB helmet design, taking a hard stand against big business practices, not clearly reviewed, directly sponsored research methods, yet strongly believes in the importance of preventing head trauma from rotational forces. They also advocate reuse of resources so they introduced their own system similar to what Swedes did with MOPS. They called it BIBS and encourage riders to save their heads as well as the Earth and remove standard lining from their helmets, replacing it with the chamois part of used bib shorts. For optimum performance, this new lining should be pre-impregnated with their ointment made of organic coconut oils and banana skin extract, which will allow the helmet to slightly slide on a rider's head during a crash.



WAKi-leaks

Now let me present to you, DELL helmets with their DELL Hovden. They wanted to go along with Swedish safety trends and decided to cooperate with another company from the land of meat balls and rather intense Midsummer feasting. They created this masculine looking helmet equipped with air bags which will protect the face of a successful person that has a career to run. In the case of a potential accident, the sensors in the helmet will activate micro CO2 charges inflating those face-hair alike air pockets.



WAKi-leaks

Lastly, we have the well-established Try Me Designs. The legendary makers of the helmets of choice of champions think that Enduro Couture was a far-fetched concept and everyone was riding baggy MOTO stuff anyways, only the graphics changed, taking inspiration from Road work and Coast Guard uniforms. So TMD has decided they will go MOTO on Trail riding as well, after all, if it's not broken - don't fix it! Note how the riding kit graphics retain the genius of their previous artisan concepts, disguised in a seemingly nonsensical randomness of colors, shapes and patterns as if it was a pyjama, a style that Faux Head or other moto companies try to copy for its hidden beauty. Since TMD lost 90% of their signed athletes to PIXIES, they do not want to stay behind their German nemesis and are now offering Trail riders a brand new, well ventilated full face helmet, called the D1.2, styled with wide vision goggles, designed in cooperation with 50% Industries, who are really into the space fighter pilot style.

Of all those attempts at carving a new breed of Mountain Biker, the one I am most skeptical about is the one from Try Me Designs because I am not sure if MX connotations are in tune with holistic values of true trail riders, but one thing is certain: Try Me are just doing their own thing. And maybe here lays the proof of their genuine brilliance. Fashions come and go. The trend cycles are getting shorter, so if you just wait for 4 years, doing what you do, you may as well be the one who had it right from the beginning.


Arguably Yours,
Wacek Kipszak WAKi / @WAKIdesigns

WAKi-leaks on Facebook




Disclaimer: This article is meant to be a satire. My very intention with it is to entertain you and eventually provide some food for reflection in case we treat our sport a bit too seriously. I honestly do not wish to insult or harm anyone or any company. The eventual resemblance to persons, names, and places might be coincidental. Professor Sigmund von Schadenfreud does not exist.

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101 Comments

  • + 106
 racers have the clock and trail riders have the time.... brilliant....
  • + 5
 My favorite quote also!
  • - 1
 #Enduroforlife #Enduroaintdead #lookslikeEnduro #Wherearethenewtrailstandards?
Buttercup cakes.
  • + 4
 That's funny. I just lookd pikturs
  • + 32
 Bravo! The self mocking sardonic wit that cleverly pokes fun at ourselves - it's the same tool that Matt Dennison uses in his great videos on IFHT such as "I'm faster than you" and "Rap battle." It's the underlying truth that makes it hilarious.
  • + 3
 What truth? Wink
  • + 8
 @MrEtnie: The Truth is out there.... You just need Gillian Anderson and David Duchovney to help you find it.
  • + 29
 50% goggles have me dying
  • + 26
 Take everything out of a perfectly organized backpack and tape it to a carbon bike. I laughed pretty damn hard!
  • + 7
 Not mine, it was either @WayneParsons or @WasatchEnduro Big Grin
  • + 2
 I stole your line Wink
  • + 3
 @WAKIdesigns: I don't recall saying that but I'm old and forget things so it is possible
  • + 0
 It was either you or Wasatch.
  • + 7
 @WAKIdesigns: You'll be hearing from my lawyers..... Murica!!!!
  • + 8
 @WasatchEnduro: be a man and solve it with yar sec'nd'm'dmynt!
  • + 17
 The Mountain Biking Alfred E. Neuman.
It is kinda funny, the things people wear on the trail. Like what they wear dictates their self assumed riding style. The clothing ads crack me up; who wears this shit. If I had the money for a Troy lee kit and the clown shoes to match; I'd buy a new dropper or something useful. When I ride the trails I wear a shirt, its brown and I got it at the Goodwill. Already had the matching shorts from my seasonal job with UPS.
  • + 20
 Thank you for that UPS kit image, I wish I got to see you in person...sounds pretty fuckin funny
  • + 3
 I like me my trail pyjamas... And I'm a very good consumer! Wink
  • + 3
 @nvranka: wouldn't that be a sick video tho? Ups or fedex driver carrying their bike in his truck and after they're heading to the hub at the end of the day, they stop by the side of the road, take out the bike, fully decked out in the brown UPS suit and shred the trail, hop back in the truck and drop it off. Then head back home Wink
  • + 4
 I'm a mechanic and my shirt looks like a blue and grey bowling shirt and i wear dickies shorts.

I've had to ride in it before, after work. The looks i got were quite comical.

Couple people asked me about cars because it has a logo on it. Frown
  • + 3
 @UtahBikeMike: you are an abomination!
  • + 11
 Owning a 160/150mm full suss and a long and low HT has led to real identity issues. Some days I'm so enduro bro, others I feel the need to go buy a chequered shirt. I'm just so confused. Maybe getting some plus size tyres will help sort me out.
  • + 4
 Extra props for spelling checkered with a Q... somehow seems like distinguished attire that way!
  • + 2
 Never go full enduro bro!
  • + 11
 waki leaks would kill it, in the the article of the year or month category. Based on votes not just page views.....maybe it's a conspiracy because pb's own authors won't win...waki you're satire is ridiculously awesome.
  • + 11
 Love the wheel base 1500 bike. This is the bike I was asking about the other day in another article! What's the Head angle at? That's slack as f*ck! Lmao.

Nice work Waki.
  • + 13
 Yeah, there is no headset. The fork is fixed to the frame because it's so stable you can only turn the bike by leaning it anyway. Great cartooning - very clever!
  • + 11
 I have to say I was disappointed at the lack of water bottles on the underside of the down tube.
  • + 12
 It's good to have the piss so skillfully taken out of yourself every once in awhile.
  • + 3
 I am sure the article was about me and my Plus sized big wheeled hardtail until I read it needed 140mm travel... i've only got 100mm travel... I guess that makes me MORE TRAIL!!! Good work Waki, a truly humorous read.
  • + 6
 Like Chappelle, Family Guy or Tosh.0, no one is safe, keep it coming Mr. Kipszak. And this is coming from a person with lots of gear that initials starts with "T" and ends with "D".
  • + 1
 TMD: Spicing up the boring green woods with some colour... Wink
  • - 1
 @MrEtnie: how did you sort out it's an anagram for DMT?! What do you know?!
  • + 7
 Yup. Nailed it. Already taken hold here in SoCal.
  • + 3
 Love the point in the first part of this article, after making the move from dh and dj in my youthful days when injuries didn't seem to matter I am now a dedicated trail rider, I've always believed in as little travel as possible and never understood the enduro-bro phenomenon and all its flouro open face goggled ridiculousness riding up hills and down tame IMBA trails with 160mm of travel.

Enduro and alls its new component standards, planned obsolescence and employment of washed up downhillers hasn't done anything to actually further the sport IMO, its not a watchable spectacle and the bikes aren't relevant or appropriate for 95% of riders, which people are starting to realise, all its done has put money in the big manufacturers pockets, made it hard for the smaller bike and component manufacturers to keep up and pushed mountain biking back to a mockery far worse than lycra 'mamils'.... Middle aged men wearing hideously clashing flouro garb riding bikes more expensive than their cars and constantly arguing with each other over wheel size, tyre casings and suspension settings rather than just getting out there and Trail riding!
  • + 21
 Wow, you cooked some verbal venom of quite decent quality hahah Big Grin For me it is about the separation of riding from the bike you ride. It's such a dumb cliche but for me it's really about what I feel most comfortable on. DH bikes are coming back I think but not necessarily as bikes that people buy. Riding bike parks is cool and quite frankly DH bike does it probably best of all. It is damn durable and it forgives mistakes. I rode some rowdy trails on 120 bike and yea it is doable, yes it is rewarding, but there is next to no margin of error. You may the hero by catching up to a bloke on 160 bike, but then you miss one larger rock with your sight, and whoops, eject! Yes there is this thing about DH bikes that keeps me away from one and that is the fact that it allows you to go faster with same bag of skills while trees stay just as hard. But still, If I want to experience speed and stay relaxed, experience big jumps, then DH bike just fits the bill. I can rent one at the park! At home I can easily ride anything on a hardtail with 100mm fork, but I just love my new 160 bike. I had 120 one and it just didn't feel right. It was too close to a HT. For me.

Some people need labels, genres, trends, they need to identify themselves with a group of people, I am a kind of an arsehole that stays away from the crowd but I don't feel any happier. Quite honestly, MTB is not that bad in swarm dynamics, look at Football, Rugby or F1. At least we practice what we worship. The last time 99.999% of football fans played ball, was in primary school. After all I rarely see total pozers and this article was more a piss at industry pushing labels than people buying into it. We all buy into something Big Grin
  • + 7
 @WAKIdesigns: Thanks Waki, your articles are always so on point and subtley but ruthlessly highlighting of the marketing nonsense that gets pushed out all the time on these mtb websites. I honestly don't care what others ride, what annoys me is everytime I stop to say hi to someone on the trails their only intent is to make comments and throw opinions at me about my tire choice, why I'm still riding alloy and how much better 29rs are, riders used to just say hi and have a laugh before marketing jargon took over. I know what works for me and don't appreciate people telling me id be better off with bigger wheels or a maxxis ardent. Id also like to be able to buy new parts for my old bike but its now obsolete.... Its this aspect of mtb, the fact that marketing bollocks is being forced on me by sheeple even when I'm out riding, that grinds my gears
  • + 10
 @ctd07: Just forget about it. Some people are just insecure for whatever reasons they may be. I get what you are saying but I also find it annoying to see people here whine on people who own expensive bikes. And so fkng what?! Even if there were bikes costing 30k, and some bloke paid full MSRP for it, bought another one for his wife, so fricking what? Do we need to go around and whone about people who buy new BMWs or Lexus? Should I feel sorry for Danish designer sofa in my living room, when I have IKEA behind the corner? Does it make me a better human being because I bought it used? I cannot judge whole of guys personality based on the bike he rides. I just saw a guy with NNic on the rear and Rapid Rob on the front, that's a stupid gear choice, but he looks like a decent guy.

Trends are there and they keep this world running. And we all buy into some of them, consciously or not. What the hell is this Keep it Real bollocks? Should we really aim at owning something that will make no one ever question our choice? We can't make everyone like us, and actually when it happens, it is a time to start worrying what the F are we doing. That's the way I see it Big Grin
  • + 3
 @WAKIdesigns: Thank you both for your thoughtful comments, my feelings too.

My bikes are 26" wheeled relics (apart from the new 27.5" ebike I just bought....well I'm getting on a bit and need some help) and one of my pairs of shorts is so old you could shoot peas through the arse of them. And the mate I ride with on a Sunday wears a purple Marin top from the 90s - swears by it. None of these things spoil our enjoyment, oddly enough.
  • + 4
 @WAKIdesigns and @ctd07 : That's a pretty good conclusio by both of you.
  • + 7
 @ctd07: I don't know where and with whom you ride that they actually make comments and criticize what you ride or what you wear. I live in the middle of the most superficial, image-conscious place on earth and I've never encountered anyone who has criticized either my bike or my apparel, nor that of anyone I ride with. We are a hodge podge of 26er, 27.5, 29er - trail, xc, hardtail, singlespeed, plus-size, aluminum, carbon, lycra, baggies and board shorts bunch. We might give each other a little good-natured grief, but nobody really cares what we wear or ride. 95% of encounters on the trail are friendly. Are people really judging you, or are you projecting that on yourself based on being immersed in commercial media?
  • + 4
 @herzalot: nah, in Sweden some people (noobs) will scan your bike from tyre patches to grip ends and saddle top but I can see no malice in it, they look as if they just wanted to check if they are on right stuff based on what they see around. It's nowhere close to kids and students from times in Poland, when I was poor as well, and people were really giving you some stupid looks like: "Are you riding that?!" Really?! We all gad crappy hardtails with shtty forks and Hayes disc brakes were the attributes of Gods, since everyone was running Vbrakes. And then if some dude showed up on a proper DH rig they were holding their breath, and behaving as if Tom Cruise walked into the room, sucking his balls and what not. Being in a lift queue in Poland in 2005 was an extremely embarassing experience.
  • + 3
 @herzalot: It amazes me the number of comments I get, obviously its not everyone and its always light hearted, but I still find it mildly irritating, I run a near-stock giant trance alloy with a shorter stem and have switched to maxxis dd tyres and tubeless as i constantly got punctures before with the schwalbe garbage that was on it originally - just casual comments like 'you cant get up that climb without a 29r', or, 'you should try wider bars they make a huge difference', 'how do you find that front tyre rolls round this place', 'wow, you're still running a front derailleur'... Its petty and I couldn't give a monkeys if someone has a more expensive bike than me, good on them I say, I just find the general misinformation a lot of people have quite irritating, but then Australia is a very superficial country in areas too lol
  • + 2
 @ctd07: don't worry about it fella, carry on doing your own thing and ignore them. One word answers usually suffice and put them off further inanity. I'd be irritated by advice offered when not requested too though.
  • + 3
 @ctd07: Sorry man I fully agree with your point of view in that newer gear does not equal more fun (often the opposite), but it really seems like you're letting things get to you a bit much. If you're having an awesome time and someone comments on your bar width, then you'll be able to forget about it before the next turn. But if you're looking at other peoples' bikes and feeling very self-conscious of your own, and then someone makes that same bar-width comment, it'll probably drive you nuts.

Ride along, remember how much fun you're having, and find better riding partners.

PS: have you tried wider bars yet? They're awesome!
  • + 3
 Great lunchtime read. I have never stopped being that guy... shame my tube fell of my bike in the mountains last weekend and I had to fill my tyres with grass, which when wet went solid and heavy. 15 miles push in the mountains after nearly 30 miles riding was tough. Still.... wouldn't put that pack on, will just ram more into my lycra top and gilet Smile
  • + 6
 The fact you didn't mention e-bike riding kits, makes this article a fail. - lol wink smileyface sarcasm
  • + 5
 Looks like the pivotless rear suspension of the Wheelebase 1500 bike should work just fine.
Wink
  • + 18
 I believe that was a Waki/Protour collaboration
  • + 2
 Best of both worlds.... Wink
  • + 5
 If I had a airbag helmet I would crash on purpose.
  • + 1
 @WAKIdesigns I`m one of those purist guys who feels less is more riding around my coil sprung 140mm steel 26r HT on the local steep and gnarly trails. I regularly catch up enduroBros and DH`rs, and they give me long looks and comments, until we split part and they hardly keep up. Whenever I take out my 650b enduroBro bike on the very same trails I just go stupid fast, and the potential for injury increases exponentially leading to significant downtime over a season. Therefore "lesser" equipment leads to more riding time.

I also spend quite some time cutting and building trails, and I always put in a couple of small climbs, tight corners, and lengthy traverses giving more trail/meter of altitude drop, and this keeps the enduroCrowd out and only attracts fellow trail riders, making me feel better about myself and my lonely trail.
  • + 4
 Great satire, reminds of the old Whacky Packages when I was a kid. Keep it up.
  • + 3
 Nah man, the next big thing is trailduro: You ride trail as if you were racing while you think you were riding trail. Brilliant!
  • + 2
 Nailed it! Looking forward to the issue discussing bb/axle standards, tire sizes, and this wcdh season people speak of a few times a year.
  • + 1
 Yes Standardometron may be in works hahaha Big Grin
  • + 4
 Really like the 3 bottle mounts on the WB1500!!
  • + 1
 i fkn love this. totally on point. repackaging the future's bs and shoveling it to us now, we should feel privileged. nailed it. product managers should have such innovative thinking....
  • + 2
 Beyond the satire. Trail riding is about adventure . Racing is more about hype. Need the Pixie wear. Fetish.
  • + 0
 Thank you Wacek. I'm not one who likes to see people crash, but when someone wears the Bill Hovden protection I think I do. And if they don't crash (or it fails to activate), people can still look like RC. Ideal!
  • + 2
 Quoting F.S.F you have gained my admiration. Thank you for the comical eye opener to all.
  • + 1
 One of the best laughs I've had all week, thanks Waki. I just ride bikes, all kinds of bikes, never really labeled any of it though.
  • + 2
 So when do we just start wearing bright pink dildo's on our for heads?
  • + 55
 I started last year. At races the dildo is a bit annoying because it is less aerodynamic but, it does impress the ladies. Start as soon as you can
  • + 7
 I put the big pink dildo coming off the bars because it keeps pulling the helmet down.
  • + 9
 @XCMark: you put it in the wrong spot, back of the helmet, back of the helmet. That way people behind you trying to pass can itentify you and call out: "out of the way you stupid dildo."
  • + 11
 Wouldn't that be redundant?
  • + 18
 Why not just replace the seat with the dildo and become one with the bike?
  • + 12
 @TugboatComplex: Are dropper posts warrantied for that much action?
  • + 13
 @meesterover: better have kashima for faster sliding....
  • + 8
 @idafreerida: the gravity dropper is ribbed for your pleasure
  • + 0
 @abbfan2: I find it cumbersome on dry days, but in the rain it acts very much like a bulbous bow on a ship and modifies the rain soaked trail space as I enter it. Next trend.
  • + 4
 @TugboatComplex: Made in Germany
  • + 6
 @meesterover: Internal rooting
  • + 1
 @carym: coming through dickhead
  • + 2
 @kjjohnson: I'm too young for that...
  • + 0
 @carym: That's funny, however, no-one is getting behind me and telling me to move as many have a hard time keeping up with me. No, I need the dildo up front to push against people when they are in my way.
  • + 0
 Hilarious, specially the 50% part and the choppered out bike. Maybe ape hangers will be the next big thing on mountain bikes.
  • + 3
 lol @ the DELL Hovden
  • + 0
 Did you ever get a job offer for example for product design doing that stuff?^^
  • + 8
 Nah, I'm an architect by trade and design snob by heart Big Grin
  • + 0
 This is fantastic. And the cassette size compared to the rear rotor had me laughing hard.
  • + 1
 Forget the writing, impressive sketches!
  • + 1
 Absolutely nailed it, thanks for the giggles! Big Grin
  • + 1
 The character on the "bill" helmet looks like Peter Griffin
  • + 0
 I think this has been the best article I've read on pinkbike for a long time. Keep up the good work!
  • + 0
 helmet looks like a halo helmet@!!!!!!
  • + 0
 Some great ideas in there
  • + 0
 It funny because it's true... Smile
  • + 0
 Bravo waki, bravo! Thank you sir
  • + 0
 Da bomb
  • + 0
 AWESOME!
  • - 3
 Like a little brat bitching about her schoolmates "Oh look what she is wearing today, that looks so stupid an I bet it was pretty expensive"
  • - 1
 The difference may be that the school kids may be acting out due to jelousy whereas non sponsored adults wearing mtb clown gear is more of a sadness/throw up taste in ur mouth reaction.
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