It's Motherf*cking Mountain Biking.

Jan 1, 2015 at 17:49
by Amanda Batty  
Disclaimer: I wrote this rant on Monday after a particularly frustrating Internet-browse fest. If you don't like swearing, ranting or rowdy, obvious humor, you might want to skip this one. Sharing it here for ranty, cautionary-tale sake.
UPDATE: This is the cleaned-up, sanitized, front-page-worthy rant version. Still just as good, not as offensive.


Hey guys, guess what I just read? You're never gonna believe it. Someone is suing a race organizer because they got hurt during the pre-ride of a Super D race course.Yup. You read that right.

From the Oregonian Article: "Belair seeks up to $23,307 for past and future medical bills, and lost wages. She also seeks up to $250,000 for pain and suffering." REALLY?!

In my obstinate opinion, I'll say this very plainly: IT'S MOTHERF*CKING MOUNTAIN BIKING. You're riding a bike. On the mountain. During something called a 'Super D' race. And you got hurt? Because of a log? On a PRE-RIDE?! Oh, please.

'Super D' comes from 'Super Downhill' meaning that it's a longer form of the ever-dangerous downhill racing. SURPRISE!

Everything that is wrong with mainstream America is infecting my soul right now, and this cute little lawsuit registers on my Rageometer right up there with trail sanitization and people who call my work and ask for a male bike technician. This makes me seriously angry.

Why? Oh, I'll tell you why.

First of all, this is bikes. Any and every activity that falls under 'bikes' will have inherent danger to it. After all, human, you're the moron balancing on a two-wheeled contraption hoping that science will keep you from breaking your stupid arm. THAT IS A BICYCLE. That is bikes (and yes, 'bikes' is grammatically incorrect.. Suck it).

Secondly, this is not just bikes. This is MOUNTAIN BIKES. What happens in mountain bikes? Mountain bikes are ridden on mountains.

What do mountains have? Mountainous sh*t. Like rocks, logs, trees, water, bark, bugs, mud, wet, cliffs, bears and sometimes naked humans that think they're bears. That is mountain. Occasionally, mountain includes poison ivy, poisonous snakes, cactus, sharper rocks and coyotes. It kind of depends on the location of said mountain. So when we combine BIKES + MOUNTAIN, what happens? Usually, sh*t actually happens. Broken bones, hypothermia, snake bites, poison ivy, rock rash, dirt rash, cactus rash, sunburn, tree rash, pokes, prods and sometimes, all of the above. Trying to keep a two-wheeled machine upright is hard for some folks. Even harder is dodging all of the aforementioned hazards, both marked and unmarked. And even worse? Mix in some pride, some stupidity and some good old fashioned "we dare you" and you have mountain biking.

I love this crazy sport. I love it so much that my face hurts when I ride, and I get all fiery inside when someone insults it or threatens it. I cry why people pull the rocks and roots out of my favorite trails, and I giggle when I go 'SPLOOOOOSH' through a massive mud puddle. I love racing, too. I love the craziness, the insanity, the unknown and the whole intensified mountain biking experience, and I love going fast. There's nothing quite like racing.

So here's what I propose:

If you don't like our sport and you're stupid enough to get hurt doing it and then try to SUE someone, get out.

No, but seriously. GET OFF OF MY LAWN.

I'm all about bringing more people into riding, racing and bikes (!), but if you come into our house and threaten to burn it down, karma has a major slap coming for you. Don't slide, don't walk, don't trot away, just get the hell out. Sell your damn bike, get a refund on your race entries and go away. You're not a mountain biker. You're not one of us and you never will be, so stop trying.

Mountain bikers don't sue people when shit goes sideways. Mountain bikers don't sanitize the trail in an effort to make it easier. Mountain bikers don't get hurt and blame it on someone. We sack it up, try it again and heal. We move on. We admit fault, we fix ourselves up and we give it another go. We're mountain bikers playing bikes on mountains. Get it?


Whoops. Another 'oopsie'. Should I sue the rock?!

This was taken during my winning race run at the Mammoth Kamikaze Bike Games ProGRT... Ass over tea kettle out of the rock garden after losing speed and this amazing photo as well as some back pain and a few broken ribs was the result. PC Michael Darter 2013

Sometimes, I land on my face. Don't sue. (Michael Darter photo credit)

Injury Pics from the most recent mishap at Canyons Bike Park Sept. 24 2014 .

Life (and MTB) is tough. It's even tougher when you're stupid and you overshoot stuff.

Photos are of me, the author, and my equipment -- just a few of my many UN-sued disasters on bikes.


22 Comments

  • 5 1
 I totally agree and this is why I love mountain biking an the long time friends I've made while biking. Your passion and values remind me of why I can connect so deeply with my mtbing friends. Passion to push yourself even when you fear what may come. We're not entitled! We make our own destinys! We take te time to appreciate the beauty god gave us and take it in regularly, then conquer it no matter how bad it burns and hurts. It's what brings us together as a community and sets us apart from entitled whiners and complainers sitting back doing nothing but trying to collect. Long live every form of biking and our people!
  • 3 0
 damn right, excellent comment
  • 2 0
 Dead spot on. Smile I couldn't agree more.
  • 2 0
 In 2005 here in ontario, canada a lawyer sued everyone in sight, including the province which owned the 5000 hectare forest that was allowed to be used in the winter by a university outings club and a ski trails association that was so difficult as to have warnings posted that it wasn't for novice skiers. Thing is, in the summer time mountain bikers use the trails (which are not maintained for such an activity) and that's what the lawyer was doing when he crashed and hurt himself enough he had to spend the night in the woods before being found/rescued. As I recall, the case finally went away after the lawyer received some significant death threats from some rather significantly credible sources who were peeved they might lose access to that piece of land. Not to mention the ridicule of many other lawyers, judges and police who were users of public land now at risk of not having that space for recreation because suddenlly canadian land owners were scared of being sued.

"Leone is suing the outing club, the ski trails committee, the regional trails network, the local municipality and the province (which owns the land where he encountered the alleged hole) ” everything but the sky above and the Earth itself. He wants $1,150,000 in damages for expenses and lost income as a result of a fractured vertebra he says he suffered, while his co-plaintiff ” his wife, Ashley, who wasn't biking "sustained a loss of guidance, care and companionship" she might reasonably have expected if he hadn't run into said hole."

forums.mtbr.com/western-canada/kolapore-mtb-lawsuit-ontario-286964.html
  • 2 0
 Broke my wrist in the waterfall section at skibowl and didn't due had a buddy get an open fracture and shatter his tib/fib in the section leading up to the waterfall because some jackass photographer flashed him and blinded him and he didn't sue.... It's riding it's your own f-ing fault. I actually bruised my kidney in that same section of bullit as your faceplant and it's my own fault for misjudging my speed....I'm ashamed some bitch from Oregon is suing a promoter over her own mistakes on the trail. Dumb bitch needs to be bitchslapped!
  • 1 0
 Scott, while we are clearly of the same opinion as to the obnoxious and frivolous lawsuit here, we are absolutely at odds. Your 'bitch' name tagging leads me to think YOU may be needing a 'Bitchslap'. Please think about it,
  • 1 0
 Sorry the dumb woman needs 5 fingers to the face.... You don't sue over putting yourself in danger.
  • 6 1
 I am shocked... and entertained... I love your passion. I'd love to draw something for this article Big Grin
  • 2 0
 Give it a go! Let's add it in there. Smile
  • 4 0
 I completely agree with this article, 100%. It cannot be said any better than that. Also, "bears and sometimes naked humans that think they're bears." that line made my day.
  • 4 0
 What a senseless bitching whore!! (Im only joking and speaking sarcastically, dont sue me...)
  • 3 0
 I like your writing, what a shame this is not hitting the frontpage. You might post this on other places or give it some publicity so the said lady sees it Wink
  • 2 0
 Well, it's gotten a reasonable amount of views since Monday... I don't doubt that she has seen it.
  • 1 0
 Was dismissed from Jury Duty for above TRUTH. Without discussing the case, I can say this very stuff was discussed-as to my inability to be impartial. While in Judge's chambers(upon request) to discuss my reasons, I spoke to the plaintiff in this civil case as an individual who willingly participated in an activity with inherent, known risk-not riding, though. Laid out that I'm a rider, have been injured, healed, rehabbed, ride on. Also mentioned some disturbing losses of trail rights due to frivolous, money-sucking suits as the one at hand. End result: Dismissed, with an assurance that the Honorable Justice would search up a few petition links and consider signing. The justice system DOES have a solid content of disgust with claims like this Super D rider's SUPER BS.
Way to tell it, Sis!
  • 2 0
 I loved reading this. It is so true that some people are just nor responsible for their acts. I´m sharing it on my FB for my biker folks.
  • 2 0
 The humor is great, but more importantly, the message is unmistakably spot on. Well written Am.
  • 3 0
 Nailed it....
  • 3 0
 Fuck lawsuits
  • 3 0
 Amen, sister.
  • 2 0
 Right on sister! Real talk, telling it like it is.
  • 2 0
 Truth!!!
  • 1 1
 Your attitude is real.

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