Bikes and dogs just kinda go together, don't they? I've never had a proper trail dog, only a sketchy Shiba Inu that waffles between wanting to bite me or watch me pick up her morning steamers while she has a smug expression on her face, but I often see other riders enjoying their dogs' company on the trail. That sure looks nice. And the best trail dogs, the ones we get most attached to, are often those mutt mixes of who-knows-what, maybe with some street dog mixed in for good measure. Those are, at least in my experience, the four-legged friends with more character in their eyes than my stuck-up purebred could ever hope to possess.
It's that shit mix of character that makes a mutt so special, more so than a German Shepard with perpetually terrible hips or a Pug with... Well, Pugs are just loaves of bread with asthma so what else do I need to say? Just concentrate on breathing, lil' loaves.
But take equal parts Border Collie, Lab, maybe some type of hound, and something else that you can't quite put your finger on, and you'll likely end up with the kind of partner who can read your mind and would be happy to battle a sabre tooth tiger to the death if it meant they got one last butt scratch from you as a reward.
If mutts are so great, maybe we should apply that mixed approach to the creation of a mountain bike?
What if you could 'breed' the best traits, or at least the traits you want, into your next two-wheeled partner? The obvious combo of a 200mm-travel downhill bike that pedals like that weird, euro carbon hardtail that some Spanish guy in an old Mapei jersey still put a lockout on the back of because Europe might sound ideal, but there should be some rules to this game.
A Doberman isn't going to get knocked up by a Chihuahua, at least not without a step stool and some help, so lets at least keep this fantasy a bit realistic. Here's my only rule: your two-wheeled mutt has to take its ingredients from the same genre of bikes. So hounds only mate with hounds, terriers hook up with terriers, and enduro bikes can only do the nasty with enduro bikes. Completely realistic. Or something.
Now that we've established that, my mutts would look a little like this...
I'm the kinda guy who enjoys a fast, efficient bike, and I don't mind being under-gunned now and then, even if that means I end up going a touch slower down something gnarly that only makes up about 30ft of an entire trail. So I'm going to reach into the trail bike genre for my first mutt's DNA milkshake, and I'll start by grabbing the Ibis Ripley's on-power performance. That efficiency means that I could run a slippery, ground-hugging shock like a Cane Creek, without needing to reach for the cheater switch anytime the climb is smooth. Man, I hate those pedal assist levers.
James Lissimore PhotoOn the flipside, I also want a bike that throws duffle bags of traction at me, and when it comes to trail bikes, Devinci's Troy is the one that stands out. With 140mm of squish, it's on that hazy line between classes, but this is my fantasy, so I'll do whatever I want. The thing is, the Troy's 140mm often feels like it has an extra 10 or 20mm behind it, with it being one of the few bikes that 'ride bigger' than they actually are - it's more common to see the reverse. That active, deep-feeling suspension, combined with the Ripley's pedaling potency, is the stuff that bike dork dreams are made of.
Handling... My steering genes are coming from Cannondale's Habit rather than some slacked out trail bike with numbers stolen from a 2013 downhill sled, simply because I want to have fun on my bike at all speeds, not just at top speed. The last Habit I rode was back in 2015, but I still have it as a high-water mark when it comes to intuitive, pointy-but-not-nervous manners for a short-travel trail bike.
The angles up front are just right for me, and the Lefty's torsionally rigid chassis certainly helps matters to boot.
So, here's what I have so far: the Ripley's pedaling efficiency, the Troy's ground-hugging suspension action, and the Habit's steering prowess. Talk about a mutt of a bike, and now for the details. My mixer would roll on 29'' wheels because that's the correct wheel size and I'm often a dick about it, and I think 120mm of boing front and back is a good all-around number, especially if it's going to take the best of a Ripley and a Troy.
Making the most out of less is much more fun than not making enough out of what you've got.
But if what I've got is more, say, 160mm of help, my mutt bike would still see a lot of its DNA taken from one of the most efficient all-mountain sleds: Breezer's Repack. It's not the most forgiving thing ever, and the rear suspension runs out of travel if you even think about leaving the ground, but the Repack feels like it has a motor bolted to it when you turn the cranks over. It's about as close to an e-bike as I'll ever get, I hope. I'd mate that with handling from Ibis' HD3; yes, it's one model old but IDGAF because it's a really great do-it-all package if you know you're not getting invited to the next NWD shoot.
For suspension action, I'd want something that simply works well without anything weird going on. I don't want some crazy high main pivot that, while providing some advantages, requires a silly pulley wheel and weird ass chain guide. And I don't want to deal with proprietary shocks or any sort of remote levers or buttons - that's why the suspension on my mutt would mirror the design of a Transition Patrol. The thing prefers 35-percent sag, supplies oodles of traction, and bottoms out so softly that you're not sure it happened at all.
James Lissimore Photo / Paris Gore PhotoOf course, those two mutts could never exist in the real world, but we might as well cover the details since we've gone this far.
You know they'll need to carry ALL the bottles, too. Because a happy mountaineer always pisses clear, my bikes are going to be able to carry three bottles - two biggies in the front triangle, and a giardia catcher underneath the downtube for when I want to lose 15lb in one night's worth of projectile vomiting and life-threatening diarrhea. I'd choose threaded bottom bracket shells not because PressFit has ever been noisy for me, but just because it's much easier to screw than it is to hammer or push. All cables and brake lines on the outside of the frames, too, because I enjoy working on bikes and want to keep it that way. Both would play nice with 170mm dropper posts, have enough tire clearance for me to still fist my chainstays with 2.4'' wide rubber installed, and sport whatever hub spacing we'll be angry about in 2020. It's best to future-proof them.
Now it's your turn. If you were a licensed bike breeder, what traits from what bikes would you combine and why? Forget about such and such not working with this or that, and pretend that you can mix and match at will. What would your bike look like, and what would you call it?
www.pinkbike.com/news/Cascadia-Dirt-Cup-Round-4-Tiger-Mountain-Enduro-2013.html
e-bike with a dropper........
for example, breed a road bike with a mountain bike, and you could end up with a light carbon 'cross bike...or a heavy 26"-wheeled comfort bike with a suspension seatpost.
Oh, and your dog sucks because its inbred. That's code for "Pure Bread"
Training up my 1/2 pit bull, 1/4 bull dog, 1/4 St Bernard pup for future trail rid8ng.
Or a Starling 29 with a pinion.
It'd be like some sort of Mopley, or Rip...rip? rip-something. Idunno.
Next I want it to be made out of the same pimp stick tubes of titanium and carbon rivets Robot bikes uses. Pivots DW suspension system is neat, so count that in as well. Oh, and plus sized tires.
Only on the back wheel tho. 160 mm up front with 140mm in the rear. However, to offset the extra grip on the back, of course i want a coil sprung fork. That front wheels gonna stick to the ground like some moist Oreos on a pre-pubesent boys braces. I guess I'll just take something cool like a x2 on the back. But with Cannondales' fun gemini tech.admittedly, I'll never ACTUALLY use the short travel 'hustle ' mode, I just like having options in my life.
Let’s talk downtube some more. Pull the swat downtube storage from specialized, but NOT with that hideous bottle cage, mind you. I want my bottle to be protected- so the Genius’ trunnion box shoulders will swing up into the down tube and partly shroud the bottle mount (a la Pinarello Dogma downtubes on the most recent edition). Nothing over the top, I just want it to look like it wasn’t some basement DIYer drilling nutserts into an otherwise undisturbed tube like nobody ever realized a bottle could fit there. Everybody knew a bottle was going there, let’s act like the industrial designers knew it was going there all along, okay?
Let’s dump the twin lock. This is the electronic age. I want my fully active damping system, and I want it with a 29er helm coil up front and a DB coil Inline on the rear. Here’s the kicker - I want a force-plate based suspension system that can measure preload, dynamic sag, and all the other fun things ShockWiz can do. But I want access to all my data, dammit! Stop harvesting my data without letting me access it! Better yet, you pay me some ridiculously tiny fee for each kB of data you harvest. I also want it to output in similar sample rates along with power meter data FROM MY BRAKE ROTORS. I want something to remind me to stay off brakes on MTB like my pm makes me keep on the pedals on the road. I also. Want the heat sync of code calipers plus with ice-tech pad fins and rotors. Basically, I want to spend all my time cleaning details with a toothbrush after each ride.
Let’s talk cable routing. Let’s stary with shifting: I’m just not routing any shift cables. That’s that. I’ll charge it, but no cables. Gimme my Etap Eagle. I want to skip pinion gearboxes and go straight to frictionless continuously variable transmissions. I’ll use my etap Eagle until the nerds sort the completely internal bicycle cvt nonsense.
Let’s talk brakes. I’ll route my cables once. I know the exact setup I want. So let’s just route brake cables right through that
nifty hixon bar and straight through the steerer tube stack (just like a BMC RM01). Yeah, it’s gonns make that whole steered column a lot wider...and awesomer...and enduroer.
I also want absurd clearance for my 2.6” graphene tires. Those tires are going to be 40 durometer shoulder knobs and 47 durometer center knobs on whatever durometer base makes that work. I want it on a lighter trail carcass (850-950 grams). Yep, I’ve come to terms with spending my scratch on tires and I measure each year’s gained experience in the number or tires I’ve worn out without signs I was riding brake levers too hard. Also want a lighter weight, lighter duty Cush Core. Slightly less volume, slightly lower density, and about 150 grams per wheel. I know it’ll do less. I’ll carry a spare tube and tape the blown out core to my frame when it fails. I just love how it makes my entire bike feel every ride. I’m happy to keep 80% of that if it means I feel like I’m paying such a huge weight penalty every time I’m climbing. Besides, you’re making my dream setup, just shutup and take my money!
I want to run clipless pedals, but dammit Shimano, give me another cm of stance width on each side!!. Sadly, even in my wildest dreams, Shimano is only progressive enough to give me +4mm on each spindle, so I say screw it, we’ll take the stance width by way of Q factor. May death come swiftly to the first commenter who says q-factor and stance width are the same!!!
Ditto to Mike levy on spacing. Let’s go full überboost out of the gate.
"it's much easier to screw than it is to hammer or push"
Do you need to talk about THAT? And is this related to jet skis and lifted Dodges?
best writing about mtn biking all decade
That's it, that's all.
Should be fun.
Some bikes these days seem to be love children betwen models within the same brand- SC, Commencal, Canyon, etc..
Would you call that evolution, hybridization, or incest?
would be much better than that 2018 Bible
5x7 with 11 speed chain width, even up front so that 5 chain rings would be the same width as for 3x8 since there will minimal cross chaining and no need for extra width between chain rings to prevent chain rub that happens from cross chaining
each chain ring would only be used with 2 to 4 cogs on the rear with maximum 10 tooth difference
would only need a mini rear derailleur that can wrap 12 teeth and wouldn't need a clutch or heavy spring tension
move the overshift and return clockwork mechanisms from the shifters to the bottom bracket area with both shift cables running through it, and the clockwork would prevent mistakenly cross chaining to insure you only use 2 to 4 rear cogs with each chain ring
-Unsprung weight would be reduced
-Always nearly perfect chain line
-10 wattts would be saved (the old 1980s Bicycle Science journal made instruments to measure losses due to chain line and using cogs smaller than 14 teeth)
- With only maximum 10 teeth of chain slack (plus 1 or 3 teeth added for suspension action), not as much need for chain retention devices
Going to a 44 or 37offset csu soon because bmx roots and i rid off the back. Its great for everything from 40’ doubles to tight xc singletrack.
I har a spider that might get frankenbiked soon but doubt it will be more fun all around than the 5.5.
Biggest problem is bikes are human powered and everyone expects to ride like the pros. Reality check - most mtb riders are not half as good as they believe, and are way more risk adverse than whats necessary to get there.
Im a racer at heart, bmx from the moment I could ride and still hit the dj spots on a 20 - but also hit up intervals on my kickr and do an XC or two every year but really love the enduro races cause we have a great atmosphere in TX (and 2-3min stages pinned are a blast). I love riding bicycles in dirt. Its who I am. The road stuff is so i can still go fast enough to have fun.
So an ideal mutt:
Preface:
the sumbich with electronic controls with basic settings run off my garmin-like head unit and eagle etap. An iphone app allows for tuning presets HSC, LSC, LSR, HSR, air volume (imagining settings being more for the trail then fiddling and hitting buttons the whole ride - but you could)
Dropper is optionally controled in setting or under left side in old front shifter area. Wireless either way.
Drivetrain spins on a perfected form of that front freewheel with fixed rear hub. Pulls some weight off the rear and you can shift coasting (whens pinkbike gonna test that?).
Frame:
Basically the new capra 29 is spot on Geo but lets add swappable rocker to run 27.5 or 29 rear wheels.
Only thing on 29 i dont like, jumping. It jus takes so much more effort to swing the rear around in the air (though my efforts have been on a 29 ex471, cush and DD 2.3 tire so it doesnt get much heavier). Hence the 275 R option.
Fork:
Fox 36 with 37mm offset (recalling geo above) Avy cart with digitaly controled comp/rebound/volume short offset so i dont have to go tits-to-bar to weight the front. That feels dumb ad gets my face closer to the dirt its gonna hit.
Id like to be able to raise or lower the stanchions to control HTA seperate from using sag & volume spacers. If that takes a triple clamp so be it. Barspins arent on my MTB menu so why not?
Wheels: carbon rims are better except when they fail. Especially if they fail when your racing enduro’s you spent $300 on for the weekend just to watch. So lets sort this, WTB casing with Maxxis treads. Cushcore’s shape sux. At 180lbs an running below 25 on DD casings it still rolls when carving hard - only now all that roll is on the top so my tires feel square. Sooo round it out - lets get a 150g FTD in there. Between that and the WTB casings it’d be magic. Still shaving weight would be great but not very realiztic So yeah DH tire feel at 900g somehow (waves magic wand).
(Also that berm ripping slomo vid rolling your tires... yeah when that happens up the lip of a hipped jump - welcome to oh shittsville)
Brakes
Hope, saints and codes are pretty good -but what if we could bleed like the revive. Thats in.
Cranks:
Anybody who’s ridden DXR’s on a bmx bike knows how much flex is in a set of XC Cranks. So carbon to the rescue we get a set of carbon saint cranks with built in PM and DM chainring. Shimano crank design for sure. Oh - and thread the BB on the frame for BSA.
Dropper:
Is it Maguras electic one that doesnt make you sit to lower it? Thas what we’re doing. So its up, or down even if im gettng jected after a huckabuck through a rock garden pressing the button.
Should be it.
Get to it industry. Keep the Royalty checks, but thanks for offering.
PS: optional phermone dispenser to entice the ladies
2 buttons on one unit
when either button are pushed, the dropper would be unlocked
one button would lock suspension
the other button would unlock suspension (I find I like a lock out for the fork and don't have much problem with unlocked shocks)
everything would be hydraulic since trying to move 3 steel cables with one button/lever would be too much stiction for my damaged thumbs
Suspension travel: Free parameter, somewhere between 130-160 both ends
Suspension Progression: like a YT Tues
Hardware: One size steel hex M8, "Torque wrench? we don't need no stinkin' Torque wrench"
Maintenance: Like a modern assault rifle, complete dissasembly and rebuild trailside blindfolded with only a tire lever as a tool
Handling: like an Octane One Zircus
Chain Growth: Same as a BMX
For the bike: Climb like an SB5.5, Descend like a Process 153, track like an HD4.
original Greg Lemon/Benard Hinault Selle Italia Turbo saddle with carbon rails
or original Flite with some under leather softening of the plastic shell, such as with the Tioga Spyder
she could be the stunt dog if Disney every makes the Art of Racing in the Rain movie
They weren't free? Sorry.
carbon everything
Such bike, many ride, very pink bike. Wow.
full carbon with the paintjob from the new m29