13 Cows of Crankworx Innsbruck 2019

Jun 18, 2019 at 13:27
by Trevor Lyden  



Canada has bears, the United States has cougars, and Europe has cows. These four-legged friendly giants can be found all over the trails and have a knack for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. While not overtly angry, they can be a bit stubborn at times and it's clear who has the right of way. Many riders had to politely move around the cattle in order to get to the start of their downhill run, all while avoiding the ever-present cow patties. I took a break from chasing riders around to find out more about some of the locals who call Innsbruck home. Here are just a few of the friends I made:


Riders asking for permission to pass.

Number 6650
• ALIAS - Patricia
• LIKES - More cowbell
• DISLIKES - Flies
• FUN FACT - Once stole an ice cream cone from farmer Boris

Number 5893
• ALIAS - Candace
• LIKES - Long walks in the pasture
• DISLIKES - Overly confident bulls
• FUN FACT - Has a custom painted cow bell

Number 5908
• ALIAS - Shannon
• LIKES - Leather straps and lots of flaps
• DISLIKES - The word "moist"
• FUN FACT - Claims to have met Bob Barker while on the slopes

Number 5989
• ALIAS - Darcy
• LIKES - Iron Maiden
• DISLIKES - Alanis Morissette
• FUN FACT - Currently growing out a mohawk to be more rock and roll

Number 6716
• ALIAS - Barbara
• LIKES - Antique wood furniture
• DISLIKES - Plastic coated decks and porches
• FUN FACT - Makes straw baskets in her spare time

Number 6172
• ALIAS - Kyle
• LIKES - Monster energy drinks
• DISLIKES - Salads
• FUN FACT - Ate 17 churros in one sitting

Number 7889
• ALIAS - Laticia
• LIKES - Corn rows and tight braids
• DISLIKES - Glitter nail polish
• FUN FACT - Favorite TV show is The Bachelor

Number 1834
• ALIAS - Claire
• LIKES - Lazy days on pinterest
• DISLIKES - Anything resembling exercise
• FUN FACT - Has a serious addiction to ordering off Amazon

Number 4975
• ALIAS - Florence
• LIKES - Grain free diets
• DISLIKES - The color orange
• FUN FACT - Takes pride in her numerous neck rolls

Number 4976
• ALIAS - Susan
• LIKES - Thoughtfully designed interiors
• DISLIKES - Windowless rooms
• FUN FACT - Has belly slid down the entirety of the Innsbruck ski hill

Number 1873
• ALIAS - Laura
• LIKES - Waking up with morning yoga
• DISLIKES - Carbs and gluten
• FUN FACT - Enjoys singing the Austrian national anthem

Number 5903
• ALIAS - Bailey
• LIKES - Food
• DISLIKES - Being hungry
• FUN FACT - Really likes food. And bowl cut haircuts

Number 4978
• ALIAS - Maurice
• LIKES - Inspirational female athletes
• DISLIKES - Gender stereotypes
• FUN FACT - Once got a kiss from a famous mountain biker

Until next year friends, we'll be seeing you. Keep the udder side down.


MENTIONS: @officialcrankworx



104 Comments

  • + 203
 This post is legen-dairy.
  • + 55
 Out of cowntrol.
  • + 36
 Nah, calling bullshit on that one.
  • + 37
 Udderly brilliant post.
  • + 5
 Loving the stills, but can we get a bovideo next time?
  • + 27
 You guys are milking it with all the puns.
  • + 24
 Aye, time to moooove on.
  • + 20
 I have no beef with these puns
  • + 10
 I've had too much pinkbike for the day. I'm gonna hoof it outta here and go for a ride.
  • + 4
 @reborn10speeder: I think we've milked this joke long enough.
  • + 2
 Cow do you all come up with these puns?
  • + 0
 There's a lot a steak here.
  • - 4
flag tomasinbc (Jun 20, 2019 at 11:28) (Below Threshold)
 Nah this is kinda gay tbh , who gives af
  • + 1
 I think its a little too cheesy even for pinkbike
  • + 2
 Careful not to t-bone anyone while riding through innsbruck or you might tomahawk over the bars and filet your flank open
  • + 55
 Great article! Anyway, cows in Austria don't have names like Patricia, Bailey or Kyle, instead they have names like Gerlinde, Gertrude, Karla, Kunnigunde, Astrid, Manfred, Rita, Sissi, Heidi, Berta etc.
Big Grin
  • + 7
 Kuhnnigunde please. Also Manfred has a nice ring to it.
  • + 1
 @YoungPineapple: you're right, it's way better with "h" Smile
  • + 52
 This is my favourite article ever on pinkbike
  • + 7
 Right! I scrolled through the articles. Someone in a hospital bed... yawn. Then stumbled across this! Great article!
  • + 37
 They sound like my Tinder matches, look similar too!
  • + 3
 Tudder, for moo love. I sh|t you not, the match making app for livestock.
  • + 2
 @Fx-K: Holy cow... it's actually a thing! www.producthunt.com/posts/tudder
  • + 27
 Are they Down-country Cows? How well do they climb?
  • + 11
 They really moooove up technical ascents.
  • + 9
 The legs on the steep side of the hill are shorter, like a mullet bike
  • + 22
 Pro: Integrated Cowmelbak
Con: Mounted below the downtube.
  • + 1
 @mkotowski1: thats what we tell all the tourists from non alpine countries????
  • + 6
 Pro: Internal routed beverage dispenser.
Con: Looks like a Session
  • + 7
 Climbs like a Hereford... descends like an Angus
  • + 2
 @squarewheel: Haha i remember believing that story as a kid
  • + 24
 this is so worthless... without reach and STA numbers
  • + 2
 Long, tall, wide and stinky...
  • + 19
 Magnificent beasts!
For anybody thinking about reducing or stopping their meat consumption, there are plenty of resources out there, happy to help. Have a look at www.nomeatathlete.com as a great starter.

/annoying vegan
  • + 15
 I love how you get down voted immediately. People are happy to look at the cute pics of the cows, with riders even petting them along the trails, but as soon as you remind them that Florence, Barbara, and Maurice will likely be tortured and killed in short order so that they can eat their next burger everyone wants to bury their head in the sand.
  • + 5
 @sino428: Indeed, worth trying to have a friendly discussion about it though, no harm in that.
  • + 7
 @sino428: Welcome to the Human Condition.
  • + 6
 @thurman: Here take my upvote!
  • + 4
 Totally agree with you, reducing our impact on environmental our health and most of all leaving those animals alone.
  • + 3
 You do your thing, I'll do mine. We're working through the elk we got last Fall. Smile
  • + 6
 The thing is, cows exist as we know them because humans breed them for food. Of course we can "leave those animals alone" but where would they go? Keeping a cow as a pet must be expensive as f*ck, and they're not designed to roam free in the plains of Africa.
  • + 2
 @WhatToBuy: Good work! I don't actually have a problem with thoughtfully despatched game/wild caught animals, I eat game occasionally myself.
  • + 2
 @thurman: True and nobody is clear-cutting virgin rain forest to raise dependent enslaved methane gas-bags for In-N-Out Burger.
  • + 5
 @JackStephen: you just answered your own question. Cows exist as they do now because they are bred for food. If people stopped eating them, people would stop breedeing them. They wouldn’t exist in the first place. You are looking at it in an overly simplistic and quite unrealistic way as if everyone were going to stop eating meat overnight. Yea sure there would be a lot of cows with no where to go. But that’s not how the world works. A gradual change would bring a gradual decline in the breeding of cows and the production of meat and it would be phased out.
  • + 15
 Someones gonna have some serious beef about this being on pinkbike
  • + 12
 Fantasy contest, what do I win ?

1st place 5903
2nd 5893
3rd place 5908
  • + 11
 I clicked on this thinking the sister in law was holidaying in Austria, thankful for them, she is not lol
  • + 3
 That cow is on holiday with me haha
  • + 8
 At last... Proper journalism.
  • + 8
 Holy Cow
  • + 3
 Is this India now?
  • + 7
 they are just gentle giants. how we treat them like we do is beyond me.
  • + 2
 I saw this vid a while back and had the opportunity to test it out on walks a couple of times recently. The first lot were a group of young bullocks. They didn't seem to stop when we stopped. Just got closer and closer. One was going a bit nuts jumping around and the one leading the group had his head down as if he fancied a charge. It didn't look like they just wanted to play to be honest. Maybe they did, but their behaviour definitely wasn't quite like in the video. Second time was more like the video, except it was direct at a couple ahead of us with dogs. It did just seem to be a curiousity thing rather than aggression, but they didn't seem to want to back off at all. Both times resulted in bailing from the path and just climbing a fence instead. Second time would have probably been fine, but didn't fancy tangling with the fk off massive bull the was completely blocking the gate.
  • + 2
 @el-nombre: In all seriousness, we had a situation here in North Wales a couple of weeks ago where a local experienced Mountain Leader was stampeded by a herd.
www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/health-safety-chiefs-confirm-investigation-16424286
  • + 2
 @Dropthedebt: Yeah exactly. they may often look quite docile, but they're definitely not completely harmless
  • + 3
 In Swiss there are signs warning you to be careful particularly when the cows have their calves with them. They may be aggressive to protect them. These small cows live in the mountains so they're probably more energic than the larger milked-to-death (literally) cows in the field of massive farms.
  • + 5
 Correction: Canada has bears, Canada has cougars, and Canada has cows...
  • + 14
 I can vouch for Canada having loads of Cougars. Most of them turn up on Hen Party weekends in Whistler. tup
  • + 6
 Friends not food.
  • - 1
 Wish I could upvote more than once 100%^^^^^
  • + 5
 Trail cows, the new "must have" for 2020.
  • + 6
 Frickin kyle
  • + 4
 This is the best content I've seen in weeks
  • + 2
 Seen a few pics now of Casey Brown patting trailside animals- she must be popular among our furry friends Smile
  • + 3
 that haibike looks a lot like a noroc aurum 7.x.
  • + 3
 It is literally a repainted Norco Aurum, you can even see the bolts on the side of the rocker link that are used for the cross bracing .
  • + 4
 @Cheeky-Greeky: i just checked - it is not even repainted, they just covered the norco logo with some haibike stickers.
  • + 3
 Fantasic article ! Tag yourself I'm Candace
  • + 3
 Maurice is in it to win it!
  • + 3
 Oh, Shannon, darling, you are naughty naughty girl!..
  • + 1
 Officially my favorite post on PB. 3 I help out on my friends beef ranch a fair bit. Cows are great.
  • + 2
 Cows are great. Soo let's chop them up by the millions :']
  • + 1
 @colincolin: yeah kinda ironic right
  • + 2
 @colincolin: millions will be already better too bad it's in billions right now Frown
  • + 1
 Moooo-st definitely the most hilarious article I’ve reead on Pinkbike! Wink
  • + 3
 No milk bottle mount?
  • + 2
 More posts like this (and cowbell!)
  • + 3
 This is gold
  • + 2
 This one got me off the cowch and stoked to ride bikes!
  • + 3
 this was great content
  • + 2
 I thought Pinkbike was vegan!
  • + 1
 I died when I saw "Kyle's" likes and dislikes.
  • + 1
 This is the content we all needed but didn't know it
  • + 2
 Maurice is one lucky cow
  • + 1
 totally worth reading it!
  • + 1
 I can't even count the number of cows I've said "Hey bud" to.
  • + 3
 I always say "moo". I hope I'm saying it right. Don't want to offend anyone.
  • + 1
 WTF ? (random but i am laughing so fair play)
  • + 1
 Udderly awesome content @Pinkbike!
  • + 1
 Moove over guys let the beefcake on this section
  • + 1
 Not one mention a cow's favorite pastime? Mooooooning
  • + 1
 Good on you pinkbike, this was awesome
  • + 1
 Love this just had a huge steak. Loved that too
  • + 1
 The cow has come home!!!
  • + 1
 Moooooove!
  • + 1
 Hamburger.
  • + 1
 Milk my day
  • + 1
 Dems good cows....
  • + 1
 Moo
  • - 1
 Dang it, now I want Steakums...
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