Cane Creek Debuts Energy Suppositories

Mar 31, 2014 at 17:07
Mar 31, 2014
by Sam Anderson  
 
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Cane Creek

April 1, 2014 - News has leaked from the offices of Cane Creek Cycling Components that they will push into the sports nutrition market. Cane Creek is known best for its standard-setting innovations like the threadless headset and Double Barrel family of shocks, and they are now ready to change the way cyclists feel about and interact with sports nutrition. Like other rule-breaking innovations, this change will likely meet with some resistance at first and many will be uncomfortable with it during the early stages of market penetration.

When probed about the new product, Holly Colson, Director of Marketing at Cane Creek stated, “We simply recognized a hole in the market and wanted to fill it. It may seem like a stretch for a components company to enter an entirely new product area, such as sports nutrition, but we are confident that SkinkSkat, the world’s first energy suppository, will be widely accepted.” SkinkSkat, a family of energy suppositories, are designed to gradually transfer nutritional calories to the rider during the length of their ride. Revolutionary SkinkSkat is also customized based on cycling discipline and tailored to fit the specific metabolic demands of each.

Cane Creek

bigquotesNecessity is the mother of invention. In the case of SkinkSkat, the concept was birthed during a group ride. Because of my tri-athletic bike handling skills, I'm uncomfortable riding in groups. I needed a way to pack in a lot of energy quickly without requiring the use of my hands. I can pound a SkinkSkat before a long ride to satisfy my energy demands in a safe and non-intrusive way. I think many other cyclists feel the same way, but won't admit it. - Josh Coaplen, Cane Creek R&D leader


Cane Creek developed SkinkSkat in conjunction with famed exercise physiologist and sports nutritionist Ben Dover, Ph.D., author of Butter Will Make You Fat. “Simple carbs ingested through the stomach can fuel muscles fast, but depending on your metabolism and the duration of your ride, you may not want to rely on your mouth alone,” Dover said. “This new system allows your metabolism to draw energy from at least two separate sources.” The sports suppository is designed to transfer nutritional benefits to the rider faster than any other product. As an added bonus, SkinkSkat leaves the body faster than its competition as well. Design Engineer and downhill racer Brandon Blakely said it can be difficult sometimes to get nutrients quickly enough, especially for racers who might struggle to choke down food in the nervous moments before an event. “We all use supplements, and our products are sophisticated. It was time to put those two together,” Blakley said. “We heard some athletes were sucking down sardines and Spam. That is just gross.” According to Malcolm Hadley, long time advocate of taking people out of their comfort zones, “We have done extensive market testing at charity rides. Once they try it, people are really into it.

SkinkSkat are available online (discreet packaging of course) or through your favorite local bike shop.

www.canecreek.com
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124 Comments

  • + 141
 'When probed about the new product, Holly Colson, Director of Marketing at Cane Creek stated, “We simply recognized a hole in the market and wanted to fill it.'

Brilliant!
  • + 45
 They saw a hole and decided to penetrate the market. Nice.
  • + 19
 Dr. Ben Dover Haha This article had me going until that point.
  • + 14
 "SkinkSkat leaves the body faster than its competition as well." Cant argue with that logic.
  • + 2
 I'll tell Cane creek like my girlfriend told me once: "Sorry babe, exit only!" Happy April fools fooooools!
  • + 60
 You need a new girlfriend tjet.
  • + 17
 with so many nutritional supplements on the market, it will be a tough job to squeeze these in. but ive heard they made a few back end deals with top suppliers. it will be tight, but the public are ready to receive these.
  • - 6
flag noxxie (Mar 31, 2014 at 20:28) (Below Threshold)
 waiting on some loser making an "enduro specific" joke
  • - 2
 April fools turdburglars!!
  • + 1
 That seriously had me scared, first the sash, then this lmao. I'm glad that cycling isn't going that direction haha
  • + 1
 For a limited time only, I heard Cane Creek is giving away free toilet with every purchase of Skinkskat!
  • + 2
 i dont like the word Suppositories
  • - 2
 aprils fooools yo ! Smile )) hhahahhaah
  • + 7
 Do you get a free enduro sash w/purchase? Does cane creek approve any romantic talk before or at least a couple of beers before application? Any long term side effects besides having to come out to your friends and family that you enduro?
  • - 1
 ^^I foresaw this very comment... Razz
  • + 86
 Could possibly modify a dropper post for quicker delivery?
  • + 2
 This x1000 but is it compatible with those new 29er specific saddles?
  • + 8
 Ahhh, so that's why seats have holes on the centre, they sucked us all in early
  • + 7
 ... with internal routing
  • + 2
 Yes, but only under two conditions:

Your seat post must be of carbon fiber composite (weight savings for the exceptionally rapid vertical acceleration necessitated for proper delivery).
Your seat post MUST be enduro specific.
  • + 1
 Yeah, but you'll need assless riding shorts.
  • + 32
 If only triathletes read pinkbike.. My shop would be filled tomorrow
  • + 3
 I heard these make you more aero.
  • + 6
 That's not the only thing that will be filled tomorrow.
  • + 24
 The Gerbil size comparison is a nice touch. Well done, graphics dept.
  • + 8
 this cracked me up the most.
  • + 23
 happy april fools. a little early
  • + 18
 I heard they taste shitty. Whats up with that?
  • + 14
 Rectum? Damn near killed em!
  • + 11
 Thanks Pinkbike (and Cane Creek). Not too often I'm brought to tears with laughter!
  • + 1
 Still laughing, was in tears before I got to the performance charts. Pure Gold!!!
This write-up is on par with the "I'm Faster Than You" video. Thank you PB & Cane Creek.
  • + 6
 I love how the tri/road one is significantly bigger than the other two, take that roadies!
  • + 7
 How will this affect my daily enemas?
  • + 3
 "here in North Carolina, we don't have use for Gu, Cytomax or Clif Shots. That's why we developed SkinkSkats. Go ahead and try and squeal like a pig! And remember, you sure have a purty mouth".
  • + 5
 This is just what my butthole needs!
  • + 1
 I ride bikes but not any type of riding involved in the study.For all-mountain it is only necessary take energy from beer ,stakes,shrimps,etc normal food whitch enters in the smashing hole with teeth I hate road with bike.Funny that lycra roadies need a FULL gerbit to their needs... For me only full studded tyres
  • + 4
 Ben Dover for some double barrel action ! oh btw dont get alarmed but PHD is for Pretty Huge Dick...
  • + 4
 I heard a rumor they are working on Double Barrel Suppositories too.
  • + 4
 pretty funny the roadies get a pill the size of a gerbil.
  • + 5
 Ben Dover has a PhD??!!
  • + 3
 Co written with Dr. Putin Ittin.
  • + 4
 With exerts from Phil McKracken.
  • + 3
 He worked closely with Hugh Janus.
  • + 3
 And supervision from Jack Meoff
  • + 3
 i was mumbling under my breath as i started to read this and then remebered that tommorrow is april 1st.
  • + 3
 I guess i don't want to win that bad...
  • + 3
 I've tried gu as a suppository before... It doesn't work
  • + 2
 You sir just made me laugh.
  • + 3
 You need to unwrap it first.
  • + 3
 I'm guessing guys that ride 29r's have an easier time using this product.
  • + 3
 Only the size comparison chart would be a guinea pig instead of a gerbil.
  • + 3
 This is right up my alley.
  • + 1
 I noticed in the charts that effectiveness drops drastically before the end of the race/event... so you probably will have to make a stop in the bushes for another one.
  • + 1
 I know a few people who seem to be using these. You can tell be how tight they clench, trying to keep the product from squeezing back out.
  • + 1
 News has also been leaked about their female-specific performance enhancer, Sprunt.
  • + 1
 how about stuffing a few into the gerbil before stuffing the gerbil in your arse?
  • + 1
 Does anyone know about suppositories, I mean really? They're very scientific!
  • + 2
 I love that the benchmark for road energy levels is hotdogs and EPO.
  • + 2
 I thought Sardines and Marlboro Reds for DH was pretty good too.
  • + 1
 technically, that is a faster way than eating to get nutrition into your blood...
  • + 1
 OK, that was beyond hilarious. I would love to be the marketing firm behind that idea. Pun intended.
  • + 2
 Energy suppositories is what Enduro needs!!!
  • + 1
 They'll be handing out free SkinkSkat branded raincoats at the product launch party.
  • + 1
 Brilliant dig at triasshole bike handling skills. Best article ever! Also shout out to genesee cream ale.
  • + 2
 I had to re-read it to make sure it said suppository
  • + 2
 I prefer Flatuscents in new car smell myself.
  • + 1
 Flatuscents! I loved that skit! You'd think someone would've actually developed it by now
  • - 1
 i wonder if the size is determined by the number of colors on the bikers apparel, the more colors of the rainbow, the bigger the penetration! now a day, standing out seems to be the mojo
  • + 2
 This evidence seems a little creeky to me
  • + 1
 This is actually not a bad idea at all. And dissolving coating can double as chamois lube.
  • + 1
 Going into exercise physiology and nutrition I was all excited to read about a new supplement :p good one cane crek
  • + 1
 Directly sent to you from DEGRASSI NOEL right by the TEXAS SCHOOLBOOK SUPOSITORY!
  • + 0
 Yep, April fools! Even though its early, they have April 1 2014 at the beginning of the press release.
  • + 1
 Il just stick to the sardines & marlboro reds
  • + 0
 I had suppositories once. For all the good they did me, I may as well have just stuffed them up my arse.
  • + 1
 Cant wait to try some Skinkpoop.
  • + 1
 shit, l about to bonk.... i have been farting all day ----
  • + 1
 This product is loose butthole
  • + 1
 Another great reason not to ride Road!
  • + 1
 That shit works awesome, one pill and you'll have energy out the ass.
  • + 1
 Aah . Yes.... I understand... April fools!!!!
  • + 2
 Sadly I had to read it twice before I realized
  • + 1
 And it begins... mmmhhmmmmm -_-
  • + 1
 So this is what the thudbuster is for....
  • + 0
 And "SkinSkat?" I think I like that one the best. skat - as in scat (porn) - (scat being derived from scatology).
  • + 0
 Pretty funny! But, come on guys you HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL APRIL 1st!!! Anything sooner is like opening presents on Dec 23rd.
  • + 0
 It is April 1 on the other side of the International Date Line. Had been for 12 hours when you posted.
  • + 1
 Well, they can shove that one up their a••
  • + 1
 AWESOME... just.... awesome Smile Smile
  • + 1
 What species of gerbal are we talking?
  • + 1
 Probably the Great Gerbil. (Rhombomys opimus)
  • + 2
 The same they use in South Park
  • + 1
 That so brilliant !!! Will these hurt CC sales ????
  • + 1
 edited I just looked at a calendar
  • + 1
 I usually find web April Fools stuff to be lame but this was well done
  • + 1
 Lol had me for 2 sentences! Well done.
  • + 1
 That gerbil needs some duct tape
  • + 2
 APRIL FOOLS
  • + 1
 Translating into Chinese...
  • + 1
 Badum tsss
  • + 0
 Sounds perfect for Lance Armstrong & Brian Lopes.
  • + 0
 Enduro is for a butt chuggers anyway
  • + 1
 Little early guys..
  • + 1
 God bless puns
  • + 0
 It must have been a slow day at Cane Creek office....no wait, yeah it was.
  • + 0
 Haaay is this for April fools? Sneaky rabbit!
  • + 1
 That's kissed messed ip
  • + 0
 happy april fool!!
  • + 0
 april fools!
  • + 0
 APRIL FOOLS
  • - 1
 Are these 26" compatible?
  • - 1
 Cane Creek must still focus on bicycle products.
  • - 3
 april fools come early
  • - 3
 What?...April Fools?...
  • - 2
 Enduro approve!
  • - 3
 Also it's not April 1st yet?
  • + 2
 its already April 1st somewhere..(at least asia & aussie)
  • - 2
 This has to be an early April fools joke. Right?
  • + 0
 It's the 1st of April on this side of the world..
  • - 1
 april fools!
  • - 1
 I smell April coming
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