Embarrassing Moments from Pinkbike, Volume 1 - Sunday Comics with Taj Mihelich

Dec 20, 2020
by Taj Mihelich  
I'm giving you all a break from my usual puns and dorky comics. Instead, I was thinking we could have a laugh at other's misfortunes and anxiety causing mistakes. I've been collecting embarrassing moments from the Pinkbike staff and think it will be fun to illustrate them.

For your entertainment (hopefully), I present Volume 1 which includes stories from Pinkbike's own Head of Editorial, Brian Park and Pinkbike Presenter Christina Chappetta.




Brian Park: You Can't Say Embarrassed Without Bare Assed

I remember cruising down the highway in the pouring rain thinking "holy shit this is cold on the undercarriage."

bigquotesMy first time on the north shore.

I was 16 or 17 the first time I rode the shore. I'd gotten my license and driven 5 hours from my small interior BC hometown to finally ride all the trails I'd seen in the movies.

Maybe I'd run into Wade Simmons or Thomas Vanderham, I thought. You'll be shocked to hear I had all the confidence and none of the skills... I had a 2002(?) Banshee Scream, dope ass Roach shorts, and a Giro Switchblade. I was ready for anything.

I met up with some friends, and we headed out to the trails. I don't remember why we didn't take our cars, maybe we were trying to shuttle with the bus, but anyway, we got there on the chariot of the proletariat. We did a few laps, I got my ass kicked by the trails, it started raining, and we got so lost. At some point it became type 2 fun and we bushwacked out to the highway.

I remember cruising down the highway in the pouring rain thinking "holy shit this is cold on the undercarriage," but I was mostly focused on getting down and heading home. When we got to the bus stop at the bottom, I realized those dope ass Roach shorts had gotten snagged on my saddle at some point, and torn themselves essentially into a skirt.

I'm eternally sorry to the public on the Mountain Highway that day, and to the commuters on the long, awkward bus ride back home.
Brian Park

It's very hard to feel like a badass freerider while your mom spends an hour pulling cactus spines out of your ass.

bigquotesHere's another one. I was 12 or so, and had just gotten into mountain biking so needless to say I was watching North Shore Extreme 2 on repeat all the time. I wanted to do drops into gravel pits. So I climbed up a gravel pit near our place, pulled myself up over the ledge at the top... and sat down directly into a huge patch of cactus.

It's very hard to feel like a badass freerider while your mom spends an hour pulling cactus spines out of your ass.
Brian Park





Christina Chappetta: Just Riding Along...

Before I know what hits me, BAM!

bigquotesIt was a lovely June day and I'd just finished work at Evolution Bike Shop in Whistler. It was roughly 6pm and I had some fresh rubber hanging from the handlebars of my cruiser bike because that weekend was the DH Provincial Champs in Whistler. One more stop at the bank to make the work day deposit and I was off for a weekend of bike racing! Just as I roll down the access ramp from the bank and towards the valley trail, I notice a duo of ladies approaching by bike and think I’m timed perfectly to pop out onto the trail just in front of them.

Before I know what hits me, BAM! I am on the grass at the edge of the valley trail, rolling around in agony! And the best part - I’m being told off by these ladies about not wearing a helmet and how dangerous I am, meanwhile realizing that I’ve likely actually broken my foot! Ironically, a bike park patroller was driving by and saw the situation and came to check on us.

Pro tip: Don’t ride with things on your bars! And don’t wear tiny slide-on shoes on the bike.

bigquotesI had to have one of the ladies call my boyfriend to come collect his broken girlfriend, literally on the side of the road, helpless and nearly in shock from breaking my foot. The patroller suggested we go straight to the hospital to assess the situation and we assured him we would. But what he didn’t know was that I didn’t have travel insurance at the time so I thought I'd try to “ride this one out.” I got home eventually but not before going over every single speedbump!!! in Whistler.

Within a few days of couch prison, I decided to get it checked out and it turned out I broke the three middle metatarsals in my right foot as a result of catching my pedal on my tires and bending my foot nearly in half, over the pedal. Needless to say, no bike racing happened that weekend. It was a long 8 weeks of crutches letting the bones mend and then relearning to walk and eventually ride again.

Pretty embarrassing story to tell for 8 weeks of crutch life. Lesson learned. I now cringe when I see people with bags and tires on the bars.

Pro tip: Don’t ride with things on your bars! And don’t wear tiny slide-on shoes on the bike. Crashes can happen on your first lap!
Christina Chappetta



82 Comments

  • 68 0
 My most embarrassing movement but also the most funniest is when I got my first paycheck, when down immediately to my LBS, got me my first ever set of Clipless pedals and shoes. Got home so excited, put them on, rode my bike on the street, then I stop for a moment in the middle of the street, that’s when everything that could go wrong went wrong. I lost my balance because couldn’t unclip; fall to my left side, I see a car approaching, with my feet still clip on I had to drag my A....ss with bike over me. People on car gave me this look “ why doesn’t this dumb...ss just get up and walk!!” After the whole thing I could stop laughing. 23 years later I can relive it vividly.
  • 9 0
 I know the feeling. When I first got my first clipless pedals, I went for a test ride around the block near the house on city streets. I was doing fine until I came to a stoplight and it was red. I stopped for the light, then I couldn't unclip. Needless to say, I fell in slow motion it seemed. Couldn't do anything about. Luckily, I fell towards the pavement away from the street. People that were on the pavement and cars on the street looked at me and probably thought, what is this dumb*ss doing? Never felt so embarrassed. Promptly took off the pedals when I got home until I could regain some self respect before trying again.
  • 13 0
 A few years ago I was out climbing up a medium-tough technical rocky trail, when I happened to see some walkers coming down towards me. Thinking I would knock them bandy with a display of my climbing prowess, I got out of the saddle to give it the big 'un. I was about 6 feet from the walkers when I hit a rock, it stopped my bike dead and I went OTB right in front of them. I felt like a right old bellend. (rightly so - pride, fall etc)
  • 4 46
flag BedsideCabinet (Dec 20, 2020 at 9:35) (Below Threshold)
 Is English your first language?
  • 3 0
 That was funnier than the article!
  • 8 0
 Clipless flop. It's a rite of passage. I had second or third generation look pedals (old as shit) and pulled into some gravel to avoid a tractor in middle of nowhere rural Illinois. Completely stuck on the ground two horse back riding appeared. Like I said, middle of nowhere. "Nope, don't need help. Meant to do that!". I had to take my shoes off.
  • 5 0
 @SanD-blkrider: I've had this happen without even the excuse of clips... hell, the bike didnt even have pedals. I was on my dirt bike during an enduro, which in the motorized world has gnarly trail sections connected by public roads. Somewhere around hour four of riding, I roll up to a stoplight at a busy intersection. The seat of the bike is higher than my legs are long, so I have to slide off the seat to put my foot on the ground, but a tear in my pants gets caught on the bike and I can't move. So I slowly fall over and get stuck under the bike... race numbers, head-to-toe Power Ranger suit and all. Hopefully everybody else waiting for the light at least got a good laugh out of my distress.
  • 3 0
 Got on clips first time this year. Was managing pretty well on the first few rides and was getting confident. Got a little over-confident and pulled up onto the walkway in front of my house where I then got stuck and fell over onto my lawn. Still lying there, I heard something behind me and looked back to see a roughly 2 year old child walking with her Dad on the sidewalk, giggling hysterically and pointing at me. Could only laugh along with her.
  • 56 0
 I hope y’all don’t think I’m going to draw ALL these! I’ll have to draw some of them though, these are pretty good! Thanks!
  • 4 0
 how about you have to draw everything that gets more upvotes than you?
  • 1 0
 As I was scrolling down the article I legit thought every one was going to be a butt pic
  • 47 0
 Tried to pull a carpark wheelie in front of a bunch of non bikers, completely overcooked it and ended up trying to hold onto the bars whilst half running, half falling over for what fely like the entire length of the car park. and ended up clattering in a heap anyway. A couple of months later we were just chatting to some people in the same car park, just being friendly, as you do. One of them started telling a story about how they pissed their sides when they were there a couple of months ago watching some idiot mess up a big wheelie across the car park and then crashed. An unlauded feature of full face helmets is that they can help to protect your pride as well as your head lol.
  • 43 2
 My most embarrassing moment on a bike was when all the buddies waited at the end of the steep section and when I finished it all my body tension went away, feeling happy and relaxed: out came a really long fart
  • 11 1
 Let 'er rip tater chip!
  • 35 0
 lol so we're on a weekend road trip and the finale is Windham when Missy Giove came back and Gwin took the goods ... anywho.

We hiked up to watch the ladies and see the course. We made it to the starting gate just before Rach Atherton tries to continue her historic winning streak. The timer is counting down and there's silence. You can hear Rach focus on her breathing.

My buddy rips ass.

literally as the beeps are counting down. *beep, beep, Pftblblblblrppppppp, BEEEEEEP*

I could have swore I heard her giggling as she left the line. She proceeds to shred the competition.
  • 29 0
 Most embarrassing MTB story:

I bought a serious enduro bike that is seriously specc'd, can handle serious gnar at serious speed. Seriously.

The embarrassing part is that i am in no way naturally gifted at MTB and i ride like, well... perhaps in another time some might have said i ride like a twelve year old girl. But there was a PB article a while back showing twelve year old girls in a coaching group and they were riding harder than i could ever dare (and good for them too). As it is, i'm just slow on bike that should be going much faster. In my defence, i only got the bike because it was on sale.

Embarrassment Staus: Ongoing
  • 3 0
 Got 'em!
  • 16 1
 @didnotsendit .....Name checks out
  • 17 1
 Yeah, but do you have fun on it?
If yes, does it really matter how well you ride compared to others?
  • 4 0
 two months ago a proud father moment for me. My 7 year old does her first stream crossing. Its more of a trickle than a stream and is smooth but the entry and exit has roots and rocks. It is a total trust yourself and just roll it with even a bit of speed and you will clear it fine. This is on a singletrack but a easy green rated trail. My daughter is on her pink Trek Precalibler 20" with knobby tires I put on it. Right before she rolled it we allowed a group of faster riders to pass us, One on a Yeti the other two on Evil's. Looked like 29" wheels I dont know the models. Anyway they are rolling in front of us and stop, dismount and walked accross the stream crossing. We roll up my 7 year old she speeds up and rolls fast thru because she likes going through puddles and mud and making a mess. Then she rolls out of the crossing like its no big deal and pedals on. I follow on my hardtail and the guys on the highend f/s are shouting out cheers to my daughter.

Fwiw dont compare yourself to kid riders, they bounce off the ground and get up and dont feel pain like adults. Or at least thats what I observed with my kids. They are more scared if they get suprised by a say a sudden wheel stop, than crashing off a washed wheel.
  • 4 0
 @riish: You are quite correct. And I absolutely do. Despite the fact it's more bike than i'll ever need, it is huge amounts of fun.

Actually, last time i took it out was at Bike Park Wales and i really felt like i was pushing on the flow trails.

Next point of action:
1. Build up courage to tackle the park tech trails (trail centre reds are fine but the bike park reds are somewhat intimidating).
2. Learn how my suspension works and not look at the dials on the fork like it's a vintage music studio mixing desk.
  • 33 1
 Embarrassing Moments from Pinkbike --> pinkbike academy
  • 22 0
 Rolling down the hill to the start line in a race, spectator walked right in front of me. I was going fast enough that dodging her sent me OTB and everyone got to see me slide on my chest like superman across the grass. The roar of like 300 people clapping and cheering, the stuff of nightmares.
  • 19 0
 2 years ago I was out riding and on a little flat connector trail with ivy on both sides. As I'm riding I see a couple standing on the trail ahead of me, and then the dude kneels down and proposes to his GF! I'm thinking "I'll just squeeze by and not bother them"-- as I'm passing them my pedal clips a log hidden in the ivy and I get thrown OTB.
I was 15 then btw
  • 10 0
 I hope that gets put in a Hallmark movie. That's beautiful.
  • 13 0
 A hundred yards or so before the finish gate of the last stage of my first-ever enduro, there was a jump with a wooden kicker. It's insanely muddy, I'm exhausted, I'm a noob who has no idea how to jump a bicycle--so of course I decide to hit it. All appears to be going well, but when I land, my foot slips off my muddy flat pedal and I end up straddling the top tube as I approach the gate. I get back on the saddle, but as I do, it hooks the back of my baggy shorts and pulls them down, so I finish the race trying to pedal like hell with my shorts around my knees. Mercifully my chamois stayed up, but still, it was not my most graceful moment...
  • 11 0
 I dislocated my big toe, it got caught between my peddle and a curb on Halloween night in front of some girls I was trying to impress. I was a 17 year old DUMB ASS . . . I can laugh now, funny how 39 years can change your outlook LOL
  • 5 1
 I smashed my little toe between pedal and rock on my 40th birthday. Not embarrassing, but toes need more love. And proper bike shoes.
  • 1 0
 Ow! how do you fix a dislocated toe?!?? actually, I probably don't want to know, but I will keep this in mind if ever I meet any girls I want to impress and and knows anything about bikes... lol
  • 11 0
 Not on a bike but at the top of one of the parks in Winter Park on a snowboard I stood up to drop in amongst 30 others all sat waiting their turn, all watching and judging each other...caught the nose on another rider sat next to me as I hopped in and slid face first all the way down the run in. Walk of shame back up the run in to the sound of laughter and then to find I took a chunk out the other guys board. Fml.
  • 4 1
 I’ve had more embarrassing moments at ski resorts than on a mtb. Like walking out of the lodge with ski boots on and falling straight to my back in front of a lot of people
  • 5 0
 @JumpDyna: yeah I think me too. I’ve also been the guy that knocked over 150pairs of skis outside the lodge. As an out of uniform ski patroller wiped out half a family as they yelled “we’re on radio to the patrol” and yes my radio went off as they reported me (for their mistake tbf). Hazardous places ski resorts. Still miss it though
  • 12 1
 I was slightly drunk.... this was in the prime days of the jackass show so I decided to take someone’s $20 bet and rode a wheelie through town...roughly 2 miles... I got it on video at the time... a year later my grandma ends up watching the video.... oh yeah best part is I was wearing nothing but a thong....
  • 33 0
 Where's the embarrassing moment though?
  • 4 0
 @danimaniac: grandma watching video of me in a thong.
  • 4 0
 @danimaniac: maybe he wasn't wearing a helmet?
  • 2 0
 @TheCorminator: no I always wore my helmet. I still do.
  • 1 0
 @rosemarywheel: when you’ve had a dozen concussions you should probably always wear a helmet in general.
  • 2 0
 @scotttherider: I agree. I also am embarrassed to have made a typographical error above Frown
  • 2 0
 @rosemarywheel: I’m not offended. I have my beliefs so I’ll take that as a compliment...lol
  • 9 0
 Most embarrassing for me was on a road bike. I was in college and a new rider. I rolled up to a group of friends on the quad after finishing a ride. It was a nice day so there were hundreds of people outside. As I rolled up next to a friend and nudged her, she nudged me back. Only problem was that only one foot was unclipped. I slowly and very awkwardly tumbled to the ground while at a standstill. Mocking ensued.
  • 7 0
 I was out scoping the course for my first and only enduro race when we happened on a young lady with a flat and no levers on a rental bike asking for help. I helped her get the bike back rolling and we went our seperate ways. A week later post race I am almost done with my second beer when my buddy pulls the plug and has to leave like right now (small children at home). My beer was about 1/8 full when I threw it on the ground to crush it with my foot. This beer then squirted out if the can as I crushed it right into the toes of the leg cast worn by young lady standing near me. Horrified I began furiously apologizing when she said "no worries you fixed my tire last week". Trail karma happens.
  • 8 0
 On a borrowed bike with super cool RST forks, I lifted my front wheel going down a curb to cross a street, bars went up, lowers stayed low. Forking fork separated, caught the fall with my forehead, in front of a coffe shop.
  • 1 0
 Nightmares.
  • 7 0
 My most embarrassing moment on the bike:

First time at the pumptrack with my then 2 year old son. When I was getting his kit on he asked why I wasn’t wearing my knee pads or gloves. “Don’t worry son”.

I walked some laps with him on his Strider, then I said the immortal words “watch this”...

I dropped in from the top of the roll in, jumped the first roller, then the second, meaning I carried far too much speed into the first berm. Predictably the front wheel washed out, I hid the deck. Hard.

I had gravel rash up my forearms and hands, had ripped my jeans, but was fine. My son was distraught. I remember some other kids at the track comforting him as I walked over to him, still rooted to the spot I’d left him.

Years later he still remembers, and reminds me of it whenever we go back to that track. I’m pretty sure that it is his earliest memory.
  • 1 0
 i feel this and have done the no pads at the pump track because I'm riding with the kids so no need. Now I wear knee and elbow pad at he pump track and on all trail rides even greens. Everytime I dont is the day I crash.
  • 6 0
 When I was about 12, I was pootling along a road on my Saracen Eiger (some time in about '89 or '90) and I notice my STI levers aren't aligned with each other. Start faffing whilst riding. A few moments into the faff I look up. And instantly get thrown OTB as I hit a parked car head on! I get up, a bit shell-shocked, and start checking my bike over. The driver, who had been sat listening to his radio, gets out. Very fortunately i knew him. Unfortunately I'd ripped his wing mirror and aerial off. My father was not best pleased!
  • 3 0
 When I was 9 or 10, the road we lived on went down a hill and around a 90 deg corner at the bottom. I became proficient at bombing the hill on my bmx and braking just enough to make the corner at the bottom but still going to the very edge of the road just making the corner. One day I came around it (it was blind) and a car was parked on the side of the road in front of the neighbors house. I was able to slow down a little but still smacked right into the truck of it. Luckily it was a rusty junker and I didn't appear to do any damage. I'm glad the cute neighbor girl that was my age didn't see.
  • 6 0
 My embarassing stories are always the same regardless of sport. Excessive alcohol and spiced curry or indian food the night before A sudden desparate need to visit the restroom RIGHT NOW during day activities Furious panicked search for a natural spot, because the lodge or john just too far away The terrible realization midway through explossive diareaha I am not in a good spot, in fact I'm right on display for a bunch of people Not sure why this happens to me so much.
  • 1 0
 “Not sure why this happens”

Lol ????
  • 5 0
 My most embarrassing moment was at a high school MTB practice. We had just gone down a downhill trail, and I had some serious speed coming off the trail and to the fireroad. I was pretty pumped on my performance down the hill, and just to put the cherry on top I decided to kick out my rear tire and slide to a stop right next to all the ladies on the team. I was going really really fast and once I got to the group I realized I couldn't stop in time and I got thrown over the side of my bike. I hit the ground, rolled onto my feet, and they all laughed. It was really awkward having to ride with the team for the rest of the practice all dirtied up just because I tried a stupid little drift. The moral of the story, Don't show off.
  • 5 0
 I definitely did the a** first crash into an ecosystem of prickly pear in little explored region just outside of Sedona. It was a quality adventure; basalt laden forest roads, getting lost (saved by me noticing a cairn buried in tall grass) & eventually finding the hiking 'trail' down. I was very lucky to have a friend fearlessly pluck cactus spines out of my butt trailside. I finished the ride in my bra & chamois. That's how many cactus needles were stuck in my jersey & baggies. The little cactus hairs are actually worse than the large spines--much harder to find & pull out.
I can now at least partially blame my wornout fork for that crash (2-3 rebuilds & plenty of mechanic head scratching later a new fork was procured).
  • 6 1
 Its not a MTB moment, but, this summer I bought myself a road bike to get some riding in during this whole COVID mess. I put some SPD-SL pedals on it and went for a spin, not even a kilometer away from my house I stopped at a stop sign, failed to unclip, and fell onto my side.

My GPS started panic moment (Crash Alarm) and started the countdown to text my emergency contacts.

I just managed to stop it, right at the 3 second mark, my body recovered, but my pride never did.
  • 7 0
 Best comments section ever. Laughed so much at these. This is what the point of comments should be about!! PBers are so funny as a cllctv
  • 4 0
 Rushing to the trailhead to meet a friend for a winter ride on my first full suspension bike in 2002, I washed out on some ice with the front wheel going about Mach 10. When I got up after sliding about 20 feet on the concrete I was completely unhurt. My pants weren't even torn. EXCEPT, my underpants were ripped cleanly in half into 2 pieces. Explain that, Science. I had to go back home for some freshies.
  • 3 0
 I have a good one, out on a family/friend cruise in our neighborhood. My 2 year old on my back in baby carrier. One of our friends was interested in getting a higher quality bike so I offered her the chance to pedal my bike around to get an idea of what a full suss bike felt like. We trade bikes, I’m on a Walmart special that’s 3 sizes too small but that doesn’t stop me from making dirt bike noises and pedaling super fast down the street. Just being funny... till I slip a pedal, my foot clad in sticky 510’s anchors into the pavement and the pedal comes up behind my right calf and rides up my leg. We were doing between 18-20mph. My foot eventually folds under the pedal and the rear of the bike gets bucked in the air tripodding on my leg. Took every bit of bench press strength to not collapse onto the handlebars. And yes, my 40 pound 2year old, (wearing a helmet), is still on my back. After essentially running over my own leg a went careening off towards the edge of the road. I was able to get stopped in time and I promptly stepped off the bike and hobbled in agony to my driveway, which was luckily insight. How I don’t break something I’ll never know. The back of my calf looked like I was attacked my a puma from the nylon flats raking up my calf and digging in. My entire foot turned purple a few days later and went through all the neat colors a deep bruise goes through. Moral of the story, don’t pedal like a goon on a bike 3 sizes to small with precious cargo on your back. Cheers!!
  • 1 0
 Well held sir!
  • 3 0
 I've had my share of OTBs and clipless fall-overs in front of others.

My dumbest one (nobody saw it) was long ago... sprinting on the road, head down into the side mirror of a car parked next to the road. Thought I was spitting out pieces of glass, but it was part of my front teeth. Dentist did a good job fixing it. I wonder if he rides a Yeti?
  • 3 0
 I was on my fixie. Just got new front brake installed and my friend says we should race home through the city, of San Francisco. We make it to the first stop light which just turned red on Folsom St., he goes but I see a cop waiting there so I grab the brake I have never touched before. I rolled straight over the front of the bike into the street in front of the cop and the other ten people in the bike lane. Fortunately I get out of the toes straps and rolled out of it as my bike tomahawked across the intersection. Everyone just starts laughing at me and catcalling. The cops just laugh. I grabbed my bike and rode off in shame. My friend beat me home. I deserved it. No more street racing for me.
  • 3 0
 So many to choose from... Looping out in the parking lot is always a classic. One time I failed to unclip when coming to a stop and snapped the nose of my saddle off between my thighs as I fell. But my most embarrassing had to be messing up a simple tabletop and crashing face-first to the earth like a meteorite... while riding a (rented) carbon enduro bike... in front of a group of 12-15 year olds who had been absolutely sending it on their hardtails. Best part was their genuine concern, “Dude, what happened?”
  • 2 0
 Crashing in front of people seems like no big deal at first. It’s not as though I’m crashing all the time, but when I do, it’s usually no big deal and my attitude is ‘it happens’. After reassuring everyone that it’s no big deal and it’s time to move on, it’s the numerous times I hear ‘Are you sure you’re ok’? That’s when I just wish we could move on. ‘It happens’ and yes ‘I’m ok’.
  • 4 0
 The Valley Trail, the only triple black trail in Whistler. I've know more people nail themselves on that than any other trail in Whistler.
  • 2 0
 I finally built up my first slopestyle bike and took it to Highland Bike Park. After about 2 hours getting used to the bike on the dirt jumps I decided to hit the final kicker on the slopestyle course. Well, I watched an 11 year old just sort of dead sailor the thing and be fine so I thought, "what could go wrong...". Long story short I came in way to hot, got really nose heavy and nearly overshot the gigantic landing mound (this is a step up). Ended up breaking 6 bones... This jump is right in front of where everyone sits outside to eat and next to the lift line too. It is a good thing the concussion made the world spin because otherwise I would have been super embarrassed!
  • 2 0
 Opening day of a new public bike park, pros, over 1000 people, and a small news crew were all there. My bike was upside down in a buddies car and the brakes had lost a lot of power, wheelied in and fell straight on my back. Still had a fun time though lol.
  • 2 0
 summer 2015, ended up living in my van in whistler with a clapped out VP Free after having sold my last bike in 2011. Needless to say, I wasn't on my prime, nor hitting the big stuff, but I was still decent riding black diamonds with no issue.
One day at the park I bumped into this group of 11-12 year olds with an instructor, and the guy asks them "what trail you wanna ride next?" to what they reply all at once "GOAT'S GULLY!!!". I had never ridden Goats Gully or even thought about it, but since that bunch of kids were able, I probably was too, right? "ok, I'm gonna sneak in first super fast so the kids don't slow me down" I thought. What a humbling lesson.
After eating shit twice within the first 100m I quitted, I crossed with the kids when I was pushing my bike back up.
  • 1 0
 First time on the North Shore(2002ish). Huck to flat near the top of Seymour....as I lawn darted into the earth I could see fork internals bouncing through my field of view. I received more than a few giggles and jokes as I walked out for an hour with two pieces of bike!
  • 1 0
 I took an old rigid Fuji to college with me - almost always rode it to class. I had a shortcut line through a parking lot and up / over a big grassy roller down to a sidewalk. I was running late and hauling ass early once morning - the grass was super wet from the night before. I lost my front end just as I was about to hit the sidewalk, and literally hit the sidewalk with my face. Chin specifically. Of course plenty of people saw it happen.

Not knowing really how bad it was, I went to class anyway. I had to quickly make up a story that didn't sound like I had just crashed on my bike; but shortly after 'had to leave class early to deal with my bloody-mess-of-a-chin.
  • 1 0
 I've had a few faceplants with audiences...

Family reunion at the beach. Spent all day on the sand, riding around, digging out cars, extended family rented nicer bikes but I was determined to be better, and all the cousins et al watching... found a driftwood tree trunk, propped a few rough firewood pieces against it and filled in the cracks with sand. I packed it down, but still the sketchiest lil kicker I've ridden lol. Keep in mind they're oriented steeply perpendicular to the log like a ramp, parallel to my line of attack, filling in the gap underneath with sand...not like an actual quarter pipe piling horizontally from the ground up - I only had like 3 or 4 pieces of wood. That's key.
So I spend forever building this thing while everyone else is at the water... ride it several times, a bit sketchy but I'm so proud of myself. No one's paying attention. Finally everyone packs up to leave (I'm biking back to the lodge)... to get from the water to the exit they circle my jump... perfect! Hey, everyone, watch this! Look at me! Everyone stops, windows roll down, I've got an arc of cars... I circle around to hit it one last time, pedal hard and pick up even more speed... Now, apparently each time I've ridden it it's shifted a little more, because as my front wheel hits it it just falls apart. Start going up and the slats push to the side and my front wheel drops through the sand, now it's acting like a bike stand with the trunk in front and the wood to each side. Instant stop to OTB... lawn dart into the sand on the other side of the tree, bike keeps rotating and hits my head from behind. Now I'm tangled w/ an upside down bike on top of me driving my face in the sand... just stick my arm out of the mess and manage a thumbs up.

First time lift-access DH stuff, riding a rental, first experience with a modern enduro bike. (CODE brakes). Doing ok, improving, only washed out when I came out of a corner too fast and dropped off the edge of the track... but didn't really "crash"... Until I made it to the bottom, under the chairlift approaching the village, no trail obstacles of any kind, everyone can see, buddies following, and I guess my weight was forward and I was on the front brake just a bit too hard... suddenly I just get launched OTB and shoulder-check the ground like I'm playing hockey/football... go tumbling in a cloud of dust. Redface

First group ride at college, maybe make some new friends, maybe impress but hopefully at least not be humiliated. Only one to take an off trail rock roll towards the beginning, cool. Not amazing, but a start. Later on hear a commotion, everyone in front pulled off to walk this rock drop... a few feet high, coming out of a big climb, narrow crooked approach... me and the guy behind me... those in front gather on the side to watch. Guy behind me goes first. Much better bike and frankly quite the better rider as well. Perfectly executed, flows through... "oooohhhh, ahhhhh, nice!". I grab my bike and roll back, pedal forward, don't get enough speed and almost no pop... perfect Friday Fails front wheel piledrive to OTB. Plus get my leg tangled in the triangle created when a 120mm stem with bars swings to the toptube and wrench my ankle. Facepalm
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 Riding with a bunch of guys who are all around 5 years or more older than you when you are around 14 and getting cramp at the end of the trail to the point of your leg seizes up and you flop straight over into a massive puddle. Gave them a laugh anyway
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 Most embarrassing thing I've ever witnessed was when me and a few friends were practicing our wheelie skills on the parkinglot of a local supermarket. When out of the blue comes this random dude, cruising on a womans city bike, sees what we are doing, janks on the handlebars, off come the grips and just rolls off the back of the bike.
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 I went biking with someone new to the sport, so took them to a fairly tame trail - just a nice cruise through the trees with no jumps or drops to mess them up. Have a little chat at the top and explain what is on the trail and how they don't need to worry as there's nothing to catch them out... I lead in. Within the first 10m my pedal catches a branch hidden in the undergrowth and my bike stops. I don't and go straight otb like a right muppet... My friend didn't come again.
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 See some riders stopped on my favourite trail looking new to the sport and they appear to by looking my way. I'm thinking I must look pretty serious to them with my nice carbon bike, new wheels and all the kit so I make a special effort to go that bit faster as I pass them whilst trying to make it look as effortless as possible whilst calming saying hello to them (whilst not gasping for air). All's going well for the next 50 yards untill I round a turn and immidiately wash out in a freshly exposed tree root which causes me to try to post my bike sideways through a gap of two trees that's slightly to small. The ensuing noises of me hitting the trees was all to clear an indicator of what happened even if they didn't see it. I gather myself up worrying that they may soon round the turn to see what happened I hastily do my best to cycle of on my wobbly wheels to hide my shame...so thankful that they just about cleared the fork and frame as they rotated ????
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 So I am riding clipless and was pretty good at getting out of the SPD XTRs really quickly, only issue is I only get off off the right side of the bike. I am riding down Boyd Gap (in GA) for the first time and I got a little too close to the edge (looking at where you don't want to go in a panic situation was another bad habit I had for a short time...) so I grab a handful of brake and promptly stop and step off the bike on the right side as usual. Problem was I was stepping off onto air falling far enough that I landed on my side and and not on a straight leg and then momentum rolled me 360 degrees over again (well, it was kinda steep). Some large boulders stopped me and my bike's momentum and I was able to crawl back up to the trail. I was very lucky I didn't break a leg or anything but it was funny after the fact. These days I can dismount on either side (but prefer the left now oddly enough) and I ride flats. Still chuckle when I ride past that spot, although I don't directly look at it....anymore.
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 I’d just built up my first fully; a Lapierre zesty, and gotten up at 5am to train out to Peaslake and meet up with some proper mountain bikers...because...well I was one of them now...or so I thought...
I had a massive OTB on the first downhill due to undertorqued stem bolts, and after one of my new mates stopped laughing he told me, as he tightened them up, that “at least now your bike won’t be steering itself”.

They then proceeded to school me on what real mountain bikers actually did until I ran out of gas and bailed mid ride.

It was...educational
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 Not long after winning the NEMBAFest raffle grand prize of a new Cannondale of my choice, I was riding the pump track on a demo trying to decide which model to take home. I've never really been on a pump track before, and definitely can't manual, but I decided to try manualing through the rollers anyways. Besides, I just won a bike - there's enough adrenaline shooting through my veins that I could do just about anything. Well, it's harder than it looks. I went OTB among the elementary-school kids just crushing it. Face full of dirt, I picked myself up, straightened the bars, and ride sheepishly back to the Cannondale tent. I chose a different bike.
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 So it’s the early 90’s and I’m maybe 13/14, riding my heavy ass PoS Falcon MTB on long rides with my school buddies. We climb to the top of a long descent to find some ‘proper’ mountain bikers sat in the heather. They had bikes I’d seen in magazines and looked cool (one was even.... a girl)
There’s only one thing for it. We point the bikes down the descent (wide, clay/hard pack with drainage barriers) and go for it. I’m going faster than I have, launch of the first drainage wall, however don’t count on not having space to readjust for the second one which has a higher (slate) edge. Front tyre impacts with a pop, still hold it, then the rear hits the third ridge and ‘bang’ bike goes squirrely I OTB into a large patch of heather. I recover to find my mate creased up over his handlebars and my own bike now with pinch flats front and rear in a bad way. Cut to an hour sat by the trail repairing punctures (having to beg patches from the cool guys) which don’t take properly and a hours push back home.
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 Reminds me that day of teenage hood I went for a stoppie that finished over the bar in front of a bunch of girls and friends... Bad way to appeal!
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 Thanks for the lololol @brianpark:

"It's very hard to feel like a badass freerider while your mom spends an hour pulling cactus spines out of your ass."
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 It was the bar bags that you took from that story? Not the helmet bit? sigh.
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 Didn't happen to me (I swear!) but how about getting recognized at the bike park for your premier on Friday Fails?
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 ...Christina's boyfriend...oh Frown This year sucks!

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