Waki-Leaks, Installment 3 - SPAM XE1
S.P.A.M. seems to have gotten ahead of the drive train game by introducing XX6 11sp that works great for both XC and Enduro. Sheman-Oh will be surely striking back hard, they will be pushing Die2 in knobby tyre format - the electronic storm is about to hit the MTB world anytime. But an (internet) friend of mine, working for S.P.A.M. tells me that Californians with German connections are nowhere close to being left behind in the E-bike world.
I got my hands on concept sketches of a relatively advanced development program called XE1, which will be a Cross-Country racing specific group. I had very little info so I can only interpret pictures and speculate, but well... some do that with even the most down to earth press releases... So, XE1 will be including a whole line of products, 11-speed drive train, brakes and suspension. Everything is wireless, even the brakes! Then they worked on suspension that has electronically controlled, automatic compression and rebound. I assume that it will involve anti-brake squat and anti-lock for the brakes. You may ask, but how do you power that? Batteries weigh a lot! SPAM seems to be close to solving that. No, they are not looking for some super batteries, it appears that they will be using a Tesla coil to power bikes on race courses! One of the current prepared fleets of SPAM trucks will be at every major XC race around the world, sending electricity to those who use XE1.
I don't know how the Tesla coil will ONLY power the XE1 equipped bikes, and not all others, but they have surely worked that out. Just as SaintEN from Sheman-Oh had a Cthulhu command stem this group features such devices as well, but instead of using kilometers of cables, SPAM keeps everything wireless inside of a handlebar called... Boobbar...
That raises ethical and existential questions, "how far can technology go, so that we can still call it MTB?", "how long until that Tesla coil powers electric engines on bikes?", or simply "where do we draw the line?" and "why do we bike?". I am personally as much in awe of such advanced technology as I feel some part of me would die if I used it. However my biggest problem with that XE1 group is: what if the truck is not around? The potential client will surely need to use heavy batteries. But then I remembered that most of us buy expensive race toys, imagining ourselves fighting for seconds on a race, that every new bit takes us higher in rankings than all the blokes who still roll on last year's stuff, given all those blokes are at similar fitness level as we are... makes perfect sense right? How often do we think: will that make any meaningful difference when riding with my buddies?
Arguably yours,
Wacek Kipszak!
Waki-leaks on Facebook
waki-leaks.blogspot.com
Installment#1 Sheman-OH SaintEN
Installment#2 Sheman-OH Xtroll
Disclaimer: This article is meant to be satire. My intention with it is to entertain you and eventually provide some food for reflection in case we treat our sport a bit too seriously. I honestly do not wish to insult or harm anyone or any company. Any resemblance to persons, names and places might be coincidental.
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The toilet store?
shame Anchorman 2 was such a sh*t film...saw it last night and it should never have been greenlit
i also love the creativity that WAKI has, not only are the drawings superb, but im jelly of him being able to come up with so many new names and parts!
If you included a small servo between each stanchion and its corresponding dropout you could use the inherent flex of the usd design to allow for a simple traction controll/ stability management device much like the system than found controlling the front ailerons of the Eurofighter.
You could then also include a small radar sytem into the Cthulu stem which combined with the dropout adjustment servos, would allow the fork to steer around small trail defects for you, giving you more time to comment on pinkbike while posting a winning time on the world cup non-competitive trail riding competition.
As far as the Tesla radio powered ecu, it may prove difficult to stop non-competetive competitors from leeching off your power, but if each SPAM equipped bike was supplied with a small lightweight faraday cage and earthing system, you could effectively use the tesla coil to EMP all non SPAM bikes, preferrably just before a steep rock roll or sharp corner.
gabriel mission9, yes that sounds reasonable. I think they thought that out with the electronic war. I guess as soon as such technology moves to road racing, we will see some real strategy games! UCI will go - they're cheating! - what?! what now, cortizon in penis enlargement creme?! - no! they're jamming the signal!!!
Waki, does that mean you dislike Sram XX1 ?
I know people need to try new things to be the leading edge of technology but this seems pointless.
(not your point isn't valid, I got into riding to get away from that stuff)