Picture yourself out for a solo ride that, up until about thirty seconds from now, feels just like any other day in the saddle. You've got a skinny sliver of brown heaven all to yourself and you're making the most of it: popping over things that would usually slow you down, carving corners like someone forgot to tell you that your last name isn't Clémentz, and taking sneaky lines that you didn't even see the last time you were out here. Everything is more effortless than it has ever been... That is, until you wake up on the ground with your visor pushed down over your eyes like a tourist who though't it'd be a good idea to take their rented Giant Glory down Whistler's Goat's Gully for their first mountain bike ride.
Photo: RybbdeckersIt takes you a good minute to catch your breath as you roll over onto your back and struggle to get your helmet off - those buckles can be tricky when you're gasping for air like a dying moose - but as soon as you pull it up over your head you spot what put you on the ground: an unopened can of PBR. The can, most likely left in the forest by hipsters who were out taking "art" photos with their Polaroid cameras, took your front tire out from under you like a 3" tall slimy root. But since you're here, you might as well drink it. Make the most of a bad situation and all that, right? The thing is, though, you don't find any deliciously inexpensive booze when you crack it open to take a swig, only a tired voice coming from within the can that says "
Alright jackass, you've got three wishes so make them count.'' The first thought in your mind is that the impact knocked your marbles loose, and that the last thing you need is another concussion, but the second, third, and forth thoughts involve millions of dollars, Megan Fox, and then having Megan Fox cloned. ''
Hurry up and tell me your wishes,'' the grumpy PBR can yells. ''
Oh, and they have to be related to mountain biking. I make the rules, so don't ask me why.'' Given how the situation has played out so far, a talking PBR can telling you that your three wishes have to have something to do with mountain biking isn't all that far fetched, and you just roll with it.
So, what do you ask for? Do you wake up to find that your beat down seven year old machine has been replaced with the latest super-bike, complete with top end suspension? Maybe you now have the fitness of a doped up Michael Rasmussen, sans the needles and blood bags, combined with the handling skills of Nicolas Vouilloz in his prime? There's always the bigger picture as well, with you now having the ability to give everyone access to kick ass trails, no matter where they live, by uttering just a few simple words.
Tell us what you'd ask for by putting down your three mountain bike related wishes in the comment section below.
2: that the same didn't happen to our friend John in the same crash
3: that we were still going to Bikepark Wales together this Easter weekend.
Seriously though, commiserations buddy!
2: May all of the Kenyans get MTB bikes and shoes so they don't have to run around everywhere anymore!
3: May every bicycle become the fountain of youth for it's rider!
This song helps me with hard times and loss...2Pac
www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKC1PDe77sc
2. Free travel to amazing biking destinations.
3. Make my trail dog ageless ( best riding buddy ever )
2. Have access to any trail system, anywhere in the world.
3. The ability to build any trail I wanted, through my thoughts.(so no manual labor)
2. TN to become a downhill mecca. (HA!)
3. END WHEEL SIZE DEBATE. ( Times don't lie, ignorant ass )
2: "You dig, I ride."
3: A garage of bikes.
2. A cure for the hipster herpes you most likely caught by drinking that PBR can.
3. The ability to re-wind time to 20 seconds before you f*ck up, like in Dirt 3.
4. Anyone who non-jokingly uses the word "Enduro" outside of racing will implode.
I know that's more than 3 but I've got a case of PBRs that can grant me wishes so f*ck off... lolz
2: More bike trails without grumpy people ruining your rides.
3: Ride with Smith and the costal crew on the regular (and be able to keep up)
1. JENNY RISSVEDS.
No 2 & 3 needed.
2. briefcase full of 100 dollar bills
3. free bike parts for life
2. Be able to ride wherever and whenever
3. Bring freeride and having fun back into the forefront of mountain biking. Everything seems so race oriented these days.
2: no injuries causing downtime (no injuries at all would spoil the fun but nobody likes to be off the bike for weeks).
3: to be allowed to keep my bike in the house (dammit lady it's cleaner than the cutlery! :-P).
...or maybe I'd change that for a huge workshop...yeahh huge workshop. Many bike. So fettle. Coffee machine. Much spares.
Don't need anything else really, can work for everything else and I'm gonna aprecciate it even more if I earn it instead of if it's given to me.
2. Groundhog day lifts (so every time I end my run, I can start another run somewhere else, over and over again !)
and
3.
My very own bike building team of experts, complete with UD Carbon forming factory!
2) Being able to warp to any trail anywhere in the world instantly at the end of the current trail.
Imagine that! Could effectively ride to the end of my driveway and suddenly be in the Andes.
[Mhmm, just thinking: "Maybe I don't need the wishes. With enough of that scotch my balls might feel big enough and the South Chilcotin really isn't that far from my place, so f**ck off grumpy PBR can genie!"]
1- Doerfling's skills / balls (if I had only one wish... having the bike doesn't do all ! )
2- Make the bike park I usually ride closer to where I live and a little bit Whistler like
3- Make my girlfriend want to ride DH / FR with me
But I know what you mean, even with some friends that are not really die harders...
#2: a bike-related job in PNW (Colorado would be fine too)
#3: a nice girlfriend who loves to ride (but slower than me, so sadly no Hannah Barnes).
Beer, bikes, gear and a Nissan GT-R are provided by #2.
2) weather not to be an issue for riding.
3) I'd donate my 3rd wish, everything else about riding is perfect, I don't care if my bikes average spec, it's my bike the way I want it.
2: I could get my confidence back
3: I could spend more time training
2) Give anyone about to buy a bike the ability to see through all hype and buy what they need, not just whats shiny, new and over marketed.
3) Good trails everywhere! Singletrack to be as commonly found as footpaths. Every hill to have a nice DH track on it somewhere. For landowners to love and appreciate bikes tearing up and down their hills.
2: a 10km top to bottom wide open flow trail with only a moderate decline but high speed options everywhere.
3: demo bikes of all brands and sizes, at every DH resort. Not just sponsored hill bikes. I want to try them all!
2. More people building trails.
3. Sponsors paying pro's professional football player level money. (Imo they are worth so much more than someone that can kick a ball into a net.)
2. Being able to stop time so that I could build awesome trails and ride them for a longer period of time. #Weekendwarrior.
3. Being able to controll the slope of the terrain. Downhill everywhere! Yes Denmark, I would give you a helping hand
#2 I wish that the earth returned to a healthy state of being (no more fracking or mountaintop removal, no more clear cutting, no more global warming)
#3 C'mon, I wish that I had a dump truck full of cash and a cabin in Squamish
2) A Bike park the size of Whistler, Mammoth, Deux Dlpes and Port de Soleis combined that ads new trails every day and follows me in a save distance of about a mile wherever I go so i can allways reach it within a minute if I feel like riding.
3) Inverted ratio girl/guy riders
2) the ability to create a competitive venue close to town (if not within it) for all disciplines of off road cycling (bmx, 4x, slalom, xc,cx, and dh) that way schools could actually go and compete in a cost effective way
3) to bring down the price of bikes so everyone could play with them
I wish for more bike parks at the level of Whistler, or at least one in the Western U.S.
I wish for a full Maxxis Sponsorship for life ie. free maxxis tires.
2) pro level skills and fitness, again for me and my buddies
3) to forever enjoy mountain biking to the level I do now, or more!
#2 Proper gear to ride on
#3 No discrimination within riders
Its rough in my area
2. Closer to home tracks.
3. f*cktard motorists to be put in my position on the bike while I push them into the gutter with 2 tonnnes of steel wrapped around me "to teach them a lesson" like they teach me.........(this is not MTB but my training rides are commutes occassionally on roads) and on that note tougher elbows so when I ride big in these situations I can smash/dent their cars to get their attention.
2. cash for visiting and donating to all riding spots in the world and their owners/maintainers at least for a day
3. a dog to share the trail and fun with
2) Have the ability to on-the-fly fix anyone's mechanical and keep them happy and riding
3) Expand our awesome WCC Hydrocut Trails system in Kitchener, Ontario
2. I wish public transit took me to my fave two other trails as they are way uphill and they join another close to home trail. Approx 30k ok AM mostly down!
3. I wish it would stop snowing and raining and dry up so I can take my new bike for a spin in these places. I Live in Southern Ontario and you Canadians know what this winter was like!
2: consistently good weather, dry tracks, no Irish weather
3: unbreakable bike parts
That's all..
2. Terrain as far as the eye can see, with mountains, hills and access roads that are mine to build whatever trails I like
3. My riding buddies all get the same.
1) Great relations with a bike shop so I get discounted kit (bike/component) and free tune ups - full rebuilds
2) Skills and balls of Bas van Steenbergen
3) Free first class tickets on any flight anywhere and discounted tickets to any bike park world wide (gota suport them some how)
1. New Giant Trance 27.5 (I currently have a blast on my Reign, and want to try the 650 Trance)
2. Get paid to merely exist and ride a lot.
3. Access to experiment with and review new bikes and parts.
.
Ya, right, try 11 year old machine. My 2003 Intense Spider has gone through many upgrades and fixes, most recently linkage bearings and new suspension last year, but is still going. This is the first year I've been considering replacing it. I'd love to upgrade to the new Intense Tracer 275 Expert build (The one with XT comps)...that would be my one wish and only wish.
2) Get hired as park crew anywhere, but especially in Brandon Semenuk or Cam Mccaul's backyard
3) Same as wish #2 except Brandon Semenuk or Cam Mccaul is actually Selena Gomez and she is sings "come and get it" every day while I'm in the shower, with unlimited fresh grapes hanging from the ceiling and my fingers never get prune no matter how long of a shower I take. The blue grapes though, not the sour yellow ones.
2.) An unlimited supply of money… So I can travel the world with my buds in a C17 with living quarters; stocked with an astar b3, skis, surfboards, boats, bikes, motor cycles, you name it; and be able to afford it.
3.)To find that one amazing woman for me
2. More time to ride. At a non-pro level I think it's not necessary to have ALWAYS time for a ride - there's other stuff to do as well. Yet, more time between work and studying or whatever else it is you do, would be appreciated.
3. Good friends to ride with. Being alone on the trail or out with your road cycle is something I need every now and then but being by yourself and seeing other groups of riders shredding and having fun together can really put a damper on your mood. A good buddy to shred with can make all the difference in the world.
2.to make biking more popular so more people will get involved and many new trails to build !!
3.Transition TR500, and new chassis for my Avalanche
2: Cedric Gracia's life and skills on a bike (best life out there)
3: To be able to ride everyday for the rest of my life (instead of working, doing exams and School)
2. Permission/land to build trails closer to home (so I can just ride straight out of my door)
3. More tools and parts so I can fix my bike when it breaks (I like taking things apart and fixing them)
the skills and confidence and stuff I can work on myself given the time =]
2. Faircloughs skills and style.
3. Minaars fitness/strength
Everything else would fall into place.
#2 AM Riding in Nepal
#3 Leaving Onterrible and MOVING TO FREGGIN' BC ALREDY!
2.) Superman style trail building skills. (I'd never not have an awesome place to ride near home).
3.) The ability to convince anyone to let me build trails anywhere, anytime.
I'd always have a fresh stable and tons of amazing personal trails close to home.
2- a job at a major mtb company as head of R&D and lead product tester
3- 50k so I can buy in to own half of my best friends bike shop.
2)Friends(including my dog) with similar skills, and lack of better things to do than bike with me
3) Have a magic elixr that makes me have great skills and confidence, and be youthful forever, and enough for me and my friends, and dogs, and family.
1) My local mountain to open again for mountain biking (Looking at you Mount Washington)
2) Have said local hill hire Bill Mclane to do the trail building
3) New top of the line bikes for every discipline every other season for me and my family members for life
Wanted to ask for health, but #3 seemed more important.
2. Mountain biking causes constant improvement of the natural world by making everything 100% sustainable, so that people can have endless trail, dirt, rockgardens, DH tracks, snow, mud, rain and sunshine, to ride and the planet and its inhabitants are no longer killing their only home. If this isn't done, mountain biking will cease to exist, along with the rest of us.
3. Happiness and fulfillment for everyone and everything by giving unlimited mountain bike wishes.
Who says that mountain biking can't save the world?
I also hope this sport stays clean. I wish big bike companies would stop sponsoring cheaters. I don't like seeing athletes who failed drug tests on the websites of equipment manufacturers. If mtn biking keeps growing, are we going to see EPO in future races because cyclists in other disciplines suffer few consequences?
And I want to be healthy long enough to see my kids continue to love to ride.
Thanks PBR can!!
2) No more injuries (like my recent tib/fib debacle)
3) Lots of money (and time) to spend on said technology and travelling the world to ride the best trails and bike parks.
2) No more injuries, ever, even those tiny scratches!
3) Unlimited access to biking without worried about time or money.
Wouldnt wish for skills, it's all about progression and training.
2. access to endless trails on the entire Planet (free public transport for bikers and more government focus on biking in all countries)
3. cheaper parts and gear (at least half of the price and even if it means slowing down technological progress)
2. Semenuks "effortless" style
3. Last but certainly not least, the gracious winning attitude of Stevie!
If you have all three of those, you don't need to ask the PBR can for a bike, you will have plenty of brands knocking down your door
2. A set of new Maxxis Minions to keep me rubber side down through out my summer!
3. Some new suspension, like a 380 c2r2 and moto shock to keep my wheels planted, and give me that extra control in the gnarly stuff.
Wise choice?
2: that stupid mtbers stop asking and dumbing down trails do not remove rocks cut out roots ,respect the code, land, trail builders that spent hours scoping the line and creating a trail for them and others to enjoy. And don't walk all over that nicely shaped tranny take off or landing thid was not shaped for fricken hrs for muppets in XC shoes to stomp all over its for riding, refer number 1.
3, ride trails that you have the ability to ride dont walk black diamond trails if u know you cant competently ride a blue trail, this is not rocket science!
Just off the top of my head in no particular order:
1. Emily Batty
2. Anne Galyean
3. Hannah Steffens
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2 - Simplicity. The MTB industry has gotten ahead of itself with all the "innovation" in recent years. I could go on forever about this, but my point is that bikes should be simpler than they are. I don't need 3 different wheel sizes just because racers use them, I don't need remote controllable seatposts or suspension, I don't need front shifting, or 11 gears in the rear for that matter, and I don't want to send my suspension off for a tune because it's too proprietary to work on at home. 9 speeds is enough for most terrain, and the less complexity there is in a bike (within reason), the less there is to go wrong. Plus, simpler parts would drive prices down, meaning four-figure receipts would be much less common.
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3 - A riding companion. Whether a friend, SO, trail dog, whoever it may be. Having someone pleasant to ride with is an important part of MTB in my opinion. The fun of blasting a trail is made immeasurably better by having someone to race with, follow, lead, or just talk with as you revel in the joy of being on a bike.
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I really try to appreciate the simple things in life, those little pieces that often go unnoticed, but are key to the experience. Keep it chill.
Ride with all the rider in the world ( even you ) and discuss on their mountain biking philosophy.
Continue my life as it starts.
2: unlimited money for bikes and holidays riding.
3: to be able to build in the real world any trail i can create in my mind.
Unlimited travel money for wayout bike destinations (Chile, Reunion, italy, Canada, Utah)
Clementz's bike skills or an adamantium skeleton
2: that I had followed my dream of bmx racing when I was younger.
3: That I get married to Thanee Seagrave.
#3 Megan Fox with kashima coating if you know what I mean ^^
2. Be able to ride without lack of physical conditioning limiting me
3. Ride with my buddies every ride (riding solo all the time sucks!)
#2: Better dirt at my house for building trails, and more moisture to make them better.
#3: Access to free bike parts/ bikes would really help sometimes.
2. Have the riding skill/power/stamina of Jared Graves
3. Wolverine like powers of healing
#2 Paid for, life long condo in whistler with complimentary park passes
#3 $50,000 per year for life, bike gear and travel budget.
2. No more trails/stunts being torn down
3. Give everyone on the planet an opportunity to have their own bike of choice and to ride wherever they wanted.
#2. No injuries if I go down.
#3. My wife and kids start riding without me dragging them out.
1. A trip: www.pinkbike.com/news/darren-berrecloth-global-epix-2014.html
2. A bike: www.norco.com/bikes/mountain/all-mountain-enduro/range-carbon
3. The fitness to do: www.bcbikerace.com
2. For aging, disease, and injury to halt the moment I place my hands on the bars.
3. For #1 and #2 to also be bestowed upon my riding companions and family.
I wish pot was cheap
I wish I could ride all year
Wishes do come true
2. No injuries when I crash
3. Sponsored by specialized
2. own a good bike shop
3. Have good film gear to make good videos
#2 month of rideing and partying with my mates at Whistler with no cost
#3 spend a weekend with 2 of my favourite pro mountain bike idols
2.have mys self a good job when I grow up thatlows me to work for my things
3.convince my family to move to mammoth after college with me
2 All the kit in need to dig my dream tracks (with no one able to mess with them)
3 All my mates able to ride and not work
If only
2. my bike/bikes magically turns into the newest best race bike every year.
3. make a good living off of biking haha
2. Insane fitness so I dont have to walk up hills anymore
3. A bike shop with all the tools an 10 bikes of my choice for me an my partner
2) move to whistler so i can shred on my bike and board
3) A non dehydrating beer so i can fill my bladder on rides
2)PINKBIKE APP
3) PINKBIKE APP SO PPL COULD ACCTULY SEE WHEN THEY GET MESSAGES/ HAVE A NOTIFICATION TYPE THING
2) Teleportation to the top of the bet Bike parks in the world (Queenstown,whistler, alps etc)
3) Invincible parts.
2-a phat area of gently sloped land with a tractor for making jumps and trails
3-1 of each discipline of bike of my choice
2. Own my own mountain with a lift.
3. A whole fleet of every piece of heavy equipment that CAT makes.(trails don't dig themselves.)
2. the ability to turn my conscience on/ off
3. self maintaining bike
2) free stuff from Intense Bikes forever
3) forever to be in top shape so i keep riding forever
2. All my bros to have free time at the same time!!!
3.?? Im not greedy
2. Having unlimited traction
3. Never getting sore/tired/always having fresh legs
boom baby
2) Elliot Jackson's Moto Style
3) Jared Graves' work ethic and all around riding talent
2.) Hard travel case suitable for all wheel sizes
3.) Some FOX 40's for the frame...
#2 To be invincible (No crash can hurt me)
#3 ...#1 and #2 pretty much takes care of everything...I'll save the 3rd wish for later.
#2- mountains that that have climate control.
#3- be able to ride like Steve Smith
2. as much time as I want to ride without making my family sad
3. being less scared of shit I'm more than capable of riding
Open local parks (San Mateo county, state parks, open space) for riding.
More time for riding for myself.
2. Intense 951 EVO Custom Build
3. Santa Cruz Nomad Custom Build (for everything not Whistler)
2: Have money to buy a new bike..
3: To have thieves arms and legs broken into millions of pieces.
2-A spot to ride
3-A magical wilson carbon with my custom build that granted me wishes on demand
2) Bring over all my teammates from the UK & the rest of the world for a big trip to Whistler
3) Never leave!
2.- Santa Cruz New Nomad with Bos Suspensión and Enve Wheels
3.- Knowing how to jump and take downsteps perfectly
2. my own house in new zealand
3. ability to setup and maintain my own bike(s)
Nothing else really.
2) More time to ride for me and mates
3) Tahnee Seagrave
#2 Endless supply of SantaCruz bikes
#3 more time to ride!
2. Better fitness/strength
3. Creation of a second Sunday - more ride time!
2. Unlimited bike budget
3. No more PBR (aka canned deer piss)
to be able to go to whistler for every summer
and a rock-buggy (if you don't know what i'm on about YouTube it)
2. A big section of land
3. Digger (for building jumps and trails on my big section (see number 2))
2. A summer at Whistler.
3. A meaningful job in the mountain bike industry.
2 free bike stuff
my friends to ride with me all the time
2. Bike and components that will not break.
3. Tricky Nicky's bag of tricks/steeze.
2.More
3.winter
2. PB photos linked to a location on said map
3. Golden beer cans that win you bikes/parts
2. no 650b
3. tippie & simmons' teleportation device for endless & effortless shuttles
2) Stanchions are unscratched
3) New visor
2. clementz/ barel/ vouilloz/ peat/ and minaar skills
3. shitload of cash, so i can ride where my little ambitious ass wish to
#2 Some money to travel around the world
#3 Maybe a car..
2 all bike gear 1/10th the price
3 no more injuries
#2; Snow when I want it
#1; Bonastab's 3 wishes came true
2) Don´t hurt myself serious
3) Ride in Whistler
1.) Invincibility
2.) Moon gravity
3.) Spawn myself and a bike anywhere on the planet
Then I'm throwing away my brakes!!!
2: A Cabin in the woods of BC's Coastal Mountains
3: A trail dog
2: live at whistler
3: ride my bike for a living
2) Yorkshire Dales
3) Romantic Curry for 2
#2 - No mud
#3 - No flats